Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Committed to Working On It => Topic started by: vision_of_change on December 22, 2018, 11:59:11 AM

Title: Total denial?
Post by: vision_of_change on December 22, 2018, 11:59:11 AM
cptsd wife
- We've been going to a psychologist fora while and he is just starting to point out some of the inconsistencies
and how I might be justified and sensitive to what is going on in this relationship
- She was pissed and when I got out she said "you're a liar" - and was angry that I made myself look good in front of him
- Today she is like "maybe this is not going to work" and doing the whole "we have different personalities and you can't meet my needs so why be unhappy"
- She misinterprets what is going on in terms of what the psych is saying - for example he says "odd presentation - you say he's abusive but you won't leave him"
She thinks he is saying it is not going to work.
- She basically writes off any notion of having cptsd and believes I have some vendetta.  Today she's "im not your project so dont try to fix me"

ADVICE?  HOW TO I GET THROUGH THE NOTION THAT EVEN A SMALL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND STEPS TOWARDS HEALING COULD DRAMATICALLY CHANGE OUR RELATIONSHIP.
Hell at this point just acknowledgement, "yes I have cptsd" would be huge!
Title: Re: Total denial?
Post by: Spygirl on December 28, 2018, 07:24:02 PM
" I'm not your project, dont try to fix me."

My stbexh mantra, along with and i quote:

Yes, im an asshole, but you deserve it.

You are my soundingboard(for rage at anything)

We are just different people. I thought you would evolve.

THIS IS WHO I AM!

So i finally had enough of who he was. He obviously had had enough of me. Until i left anyway. I totally get your frustration. :stars:



Title: Re: Total denial?
Post by: vonmoot on January 03, 2019, 10:45:39 AM
My take on things...

I had to give up on the idea that my uNPD wife would ever acknowledge that she is part of the problem.  She will always project that I am the only problem in our marriage.  The idea that she has something to do with our problems is totally alien to her.

My experience is that PDs always project.  They are like a wounded animal but always think others are the reason for their unhappiness.

I decided to work on bettering myself for my own "selfish" purposes.  I cannot make her happy.  I have to strap on "armor" to deflect the verbal jabs that come whenever she feels anxious or depressed or whatever.

I wish I could be more positive.
Title: Re: Total denial?
Post by: coyote on January 07, 2019, 06:43:11 PM
Welcome to the forum Vision.
You will hear this a lot here; the only one you can control or change is yourself. She may never acknowledge any issues on her part. But you cannot control that. Look at the Toolbox here and hang out on the forum. You will learn a lot.
Title: Re: Total denial?
Post by: Frothed out on July 29, 2019, 10:55:16 AM
Hello Vision,

I tried to reply to your PM, but your inbox is full.

Frothy
Title: Re: Total denial?
Post by: PeanutButter on July 29, 2019, 05:04:33 PM
" I'm not your project, dont try to fix me."
THIS IS WHO I AM!
:yeahthat:
My SO too.
Also "I like me"
It use to trip up pretty significantly.
I am trying to turn my focus back to me instead but it is really an effort.