Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Dealing with PD Parents => Topic started by: eternallystuck on January 24, 2019, 05:58:45 PM

Title: Withdrawal as a means of control
Post by: eternallystuck on January 24, 2019, 05:58:45 PM
So my npd m has been in full self victimising coward mode of late & itís been driving me wildddd again. The usual , throwing missiles whilst living in a glass house. This Xmas has been tough Cos I just started reflecting on some of the cruel, menacing , rejecting things sheís done this year & so it was pretty difficult to get into the family spirit. Iíve came to realise that pdís are proffesionals at using withdrawal / silent treatment as a convienient clutch to avoid hearing anything that could possibly make them self reflect on their behaviour . If  raging & intimidation doesnít blow the sail out of your wings they will resort to ignoring you (all while smearing you behind your back). Itís honestly quite pathetic seeing how low they will stoop to avoid an honest adult conversation with their offspring. Just goes to show that my m didnít really have me to nuture an individual & have a loving relationship, she gave birth to me so she had a relationship with in-built control, but once that came crumbling down with age & clarity , she has 0 interest in me at all. Discard!

I donít know about anyone else but Iím so very tired of my npd mís emotional immaturity. She has thrown me out to another relatives (she is very used to this cycle by now, itís sexond nature to her) & has blocked my number. This is very similar to when she physically attacks me and then threatens to ring the police on ME when I put my arm up to defend myself or push her off :S. That could only make sense in the mind of an npd- they are the violent aggressor attacking you but somehow always the victim. She is only unblocking my number when Iím fully in the position of subordinate taking her strict Ďordersí like a good little girl. The minute I mention I canít stay here long term or start talking about this affecting my mental health/academic work she blocks me. Itís just childish and irresponsible. Itís a little game for her to see how long Iíll suffer here b4 begging for her Ďhelpí. On top of this Iíve had a nice dose of gaslighting- her telling me I need to Ďstay calmí with my raging narc g-ma- the same one she canít be around for more than 30mins before getting highly irate / anxious & angry around. I mean genuinely my g-ma would drive a saint mad, even her neighbours husbands stand at the door to avoid her coming in & harassing their wives with her hysterical non rants. So my m finds g-ma highly dysfunctional, manipulative & stays away for her own health but Iím supposed to stay totally sane sharing a bed with her on an ongoing basis whilst she constantly talks about herself & I have 1million more important things on my plate. In fact m often finds it funny dangling me above the sharks to see how much I can take. Sounds about right doesnít it? Whatís laughable is there is a probably a stupid therapist somewhere telling my m she needs to set boundaries with me. Lmao!!!  It annoys me they can just go to a therapist lie & have their distorted version of reality validated. Boundaries to a PD mean more delusional thinking & avoidance of any accountability / logic reasoning. The reason weíre still in this place after decades is because of her pathological inability to self reflect or apologise.  The ball isnít in my court & never has been. Iíve just had enough of it, the years of abuse you take with no justice & the long lasting damage you have to continually try to heal from yet they somehow always manage to paint themselves as the victim & get off unscathed. Thatís a true manipulator to me, one that just gets to go on through life whilst destroying someone elseís. When the flying monkeys come at you too you really feel like youíre taking a 2nd beating. Side note: why are the flying monkeys usually Ďoutsiderí relatives that see you once a year and rarely spend time with the pd??! It really makes you run into isolation just to be able to breathe & reaffirm your reality after the ambush. Do any of you struggle with this? Wanting to fight their lies but feeling itís relentlessly tiring so you just let them win? Iím at the point where I think to hell with them all
Title: Re: Withdrawal as a means of control
Post by: symbasmommy on January 27, 2019, 02:46:35 PM
My npdm does this all the time... Telling me she can't take conversations with me because I bring her down?  Huh... Even tells my aunts to tell me not to bother her because I upset her... Again huh? I live in another state and since moving the punishment is fierce... Now we have actually decided to move back home for financial reasons and she has the audacity to tell us she doesn't want us moving back..... My aunts are her life line and they love it when she is mad at me because she treats them like gold at those times.... So I guess here I am... No family except for my husband and kitty... It hurts and I shouldn't let it consume me but it hurts.. As she ages she discards more often now because I am not there taking care of her... She is healthy and doesn't need taking care of....? So yes I get horrible withdrawal and nobody in my life thinks it's cruel.. I am the cruel one upsetting the queen....  :sadno: