A topic in another thread just made me think about this.
I feel like I've been using mc pretty well and with good results.
It's not easy.
I feel like I don't really have a task relationship now with my spouse. But it's better than the intense fighting, and patterns of him yelling, me crying, etc etc
Occasionally I drop my guard, and quickly remember why I'm using mc.
Here's my question... Does the pwPD ever realize/catch on/notice that we are doing this? That we are not reacting? That most nights my answer to how was your day? Is just 'fine'?
Does it click?
If he were purely npd, the removal of supply I think would frustrate him and he'd seek it elsewhere... (Ah...I wonder if this is why he's fighting with his client...the timing fits!) But I think he's more ocpd...
My pwpd noticed but couldn't articulate what was different. Their frustration was obvious but to try and do anything about it would expose them or force their mask to drop. Instead, they would play their passive aggressive side or try to prove how special and awesome they are.
Good luck! It IS hard and sometimes exhausting. I too, need to remind myself not to slide into old patterns.
My NPDh noticed that something was different after a while. At first he thought we were getting on better because the home was so much calmer. Then he got increasingly frustrated by my lack of engagement. In the end he found another supply.
oh yes, he noticed right away. Kept telling me I needed to "get back to normal." nope.
stbs also found other supply through an illicit affair with a direct report at work. :roll:
My uPDw caught on first to the lack of JADEing that MC helps control and she accused me of being 'distant', which I MC replied something that conveyed "I understand you think I'm more distant and I'm sorry you feel that way about me".
Eventually she changed the descriptive word 'distant' to 'serious'. Like other responders said, she eventually gave up trying to provoke JADEing and then she became passive-agressive 'distant' from me, which is just fine by me. Silence leaves me to myself and I love who I am. I am perfectly fine being around me.
She still attempts every so often to provoke JADEing, but MC prevails and now I'm not 'serious', but 'boring', in which I convey something that states "I understand you think I'm boring and I'm sorry you feel that way about me". ;)
SoT
Oneof my favorite mc responses when I don't want to engage in a discussion/debate... I don't know, I don't have my glasses on. (E.g. when he asks my opinion about something on tv)