It's frustrating and crazy-making living with a Narc, especially when it comes to normal-life stuff. My wife's father has Alzheimer's, and has reached the point where he can't be left alone. My wife is obviously upset about this, and I comfort her as best I can, and help out when her mother drops him off so she can get in some "sanity time." My wife continues with her usual antics, but now I am expected, by her, by me, and by God, to be the good husband and comfort her through this.
She has decided also that she wants to diet and exercise to lose weight. She wants me to help her. With a normal woman, this wouldn't be a problem, but when she asks me to "help" her by reminding her to exercise, in her mind she has transferred the responsibility to me. She's done this before. It usually lasts two to three months until she quits and figures out a reason to blame me.
It's just ridiculously difficult to try to be a normal, supportive spouse when you have all the obstacles of NPD in front of you.
My T's advice is the same as in the "Toolbox." Medium Chill, Journaling, and creating a life for myself outside the home. It's still stressful, especially since pushing my buttons seems to be her favorite hobby.
Thanks for letting me vent...
I've been out in that position many times...'I need you to help me', which as you said yes means he is abducting responsibility, and then if it doesn't work out he can blame me.
Yes, life with a NPD partner is hard. However, I found by consequently implementing the tools from the TOOLBOX and setting boundaries together with an constantly increasing focus on my behaviour made my home life calmer and more bearable.
I agree with your T. Boundaries, her stuff your stuff, 51% and 50% rules, Medium Chill, no JADE, no Circular Conversations, and the 3C's. You can still be the good husband and comfort her while maintaining Boundaries. IMO you are in fact a better H by maintaining Boundaries and not enabling negative behavior.