I've been NC with my hpd/bpd mom since August. She now lives in another state. I just found out she's been in the hospital on a ventilator. She has a history of Fictitious Disorders and psychogenic seizures (aka she's faking it). Because she was drunk when she went to the ER, and they thought her seizures were legit, they medicated her and she ended up being life flighted to a nearby hospital.
The good news is that my sister drove down there and the doctors are now aware of her history. I'm struggling with the idea of calling her but I know in my heart that it's the wrong thing to do. I guess I just needed to vent and you guys are the only ones who truly "get it."
Any advice on how to get through the next few days?
If she's on a vent, she won't be able to talk.
It's *hard* when they suffer from Makeitupitis, but please *don't call.* It's a cry for attention and nothing more - and your sister did her due diligence in warning the hospital in just what they're getting, when it comes to your mom. :yes:
UnBPD Didi tried this tactic at least a dozen times - actually, it was a LOT more than that! - in trying to get me to come running to her bedside; having herself hospitalized for more of the same old aches and pains she's been manufacturing for years, while ignoring REAL medical problems. :roll:
Instead of going and playing Dutiful Doting Daughter, I'd call infrequently - and often when I knew she'd be out for testing, watching something on TV that she was engrossed in, or having a meal. I wanted her to
rush me off the phone, and that's what she'd wind up doing most of the time. :ninja:
If she wasn't there, I still chalked it up as a "call" - and wouldn't call again for another several days, if then. :ninja: :thumbup:
If you call, you're only reinforcing *this tactic works and THIS is what it takes to get you to break NC* - and she'll keep doing it, over and over, like Didi. :aaauuugh:
I didn't have the courage to go NC, partially because I had to know what Didi was plotting. The woman was a manipulative schemer, and keeping an ear open was my best line of defense.
BUT after about the tenth, "They think I have caaaaaaaaaaaancer - oops. My bad" merry-go-round ride, I was honestly considering NC, because I just couldn't stand the constant attempts at trying to make me live in Fire Drill Mode.
I never did live in Fire Drill Mode - and it infuriated her that I stuck to my *boundaries.*
Stick to YOURS. You'll thank yourself later for staying out of this mess! 8-)
:hug:
QuoteI just couldn't stand the constant attempts at trying to make me live in Fire Drill Mode.
What an excellent way to put it. Thank you.
What a horrible thing to do to get attention. This will likely be used to install guilt if you call. Things would likely go back to how it was before NC. Using a fake illness to get attention is quite disturbing and certainly not an indication she has changed.
Thank you do much for your support. Instead of getting wrapped up in the drama, I focused on getting my art pieces ready for a table at a show today. I had a great time and only thought of mom a few times. I was able to focus on myself and for that I am thankful.
As far as I know she was released from the hospital today. My sister tried to get her to sign for her to be a healthcare proxy, but she refused and instead chose her boyfriend of 5 weeks. It's comical in a sense, because her behavior is disgustingly predictable.
:violin: :excited:
I am soooooooo glad I listened to you guys!
:cool2: :banana: :elephant: :woot:
Quote from: Absent Minded Artist on March 16, 2019, 05:45:19 AM
Instead of getting wrapped up in the drama, I focused on getting my art pieces ready for a table at a show today. I had a great time and only thought of mom a few times. I was able to focus on myself and for that I am thankful.
Hi Absent Minded Artist, good for you! So glad you did something for yourself. Each time you exercise the muscle of resisting contact, it will get easier. For me, it's been 4 years NC with my uPDm, and now I'm impenetrable. It's just like forming any other new habit.
Biggerfish is right - it does get easier, every time you do it. :yes:
Right now, it's like trying a new exercise for a body part you haven't worked out before - you feel weak and shaky, and maybe can only do the exercise a few times, but it you keep at it regularly, you see progress and get consistently stronger.
Boundaries are the same way - the more we use them, the more natural they feel, and our resolve becomes *strong* in keeping those boundaries, because they protect us. 8-)
I'm glad you were able to do something for yourself, instead of taking time out of your life for your mom's latest Drama du Jour. :yes:
If your mom is anything like unBPD Didi, there will be a next time. And a time after that. And a time after *that* - ad nausesum. :roll:
But you won't be involved in *any* of it. :ninja:
And yeah - what a typically PD move to make, having somebody she's known for 5 whole weeks be her HCP, instead of your sister, who has known her, her entire life! :stars:
Well, she's an adult, and she's allowed to make all the bad decisions she wants - but NONE of them will reflect on you, or come back to you, to bite you on the hiney! 8-)
:hug:
You just did something incredibly hard, you went against who you are. You are kind, caring, loving, and unfortunately when it comes to your M these are vulnerabilities she may use to hurt you, instead of being grateful she has such a wonderful daughter. So you did the right thing by staying away, by protecting yourself and this is confirmed by her giving POA to her BF of 5 weeks :aaauuugh: simply to spite your Sis.
:bighug:
Thank you everyone for your support. Things have continued in the predictable pattern, and M has been in and out of the ER a few times now. Her fiance (they got engaged of course) has been sending vile messages to my sister, accusing her (and the rest of us siblings) of being ungrateful and cruel. :roll: :rofl: :violin:
My sister is seriously considering" joining ranks with the other siblings" and going NC.
You have all been a great source of strength for me. Thank you
after 3 years of NC, erecting solid NC boundaries, and diligent weeding out of all flying monkeys, i wouldn't even know if either of my uNPDparents were ill, in hospital, or dead.
nobody that i have anything to do with nowadays, has any sort of contact with the parents or anyone else in my horrific FOO.
however, if i did hear by some mischance that they were ill or in hospital, it would change nothing.
NC is *my* boundary.....they don't have a say in it, and their health status (real or imagined, because yes, i've dealt with that bullshit also) has no bearing on it.
if they wanted a loving daughter by their sides in their old age, then they shouldn't have indulged themselves with the truly incredible abuse they rained down ceaselessly on me for decades.