I'd appreciate any suggestions! My daughter came to me, asking for help with this. She just got a great new job, and really loves the work and work place. But she's noticed some changes and behaviors in her manager that may indicate that the manager is somewhere on the spectrum. She's looking for books that identify and explain the behaviors, and that instruct on how to deal with them.
From what she's shared with me, it doesn't sound like it's narcissism, sociopathy, or psychopathy (yet), but we do see behaviors like manipulation, gaslighting, baiting, intermittent reinforcement, etc.
She's upset, understandably, that this has shown up in her workplace, her very first dream job. She lived with watching me go through the abusive relationship with the malignant narcissist, and she's learned with me about these personality types and behaviors. She's nervous about dealing with it now, and wants to better arm herself.
I greatly appreciate any suggestions!
Oh boy! I really feel for your daughter. At least she has some idea of what may be going on, so she has her eyes open.
I don't have a book recommendation, but I do have an article that I've bookmarked and refer back to regularly. There is a fairly senior executive in my company - he's about three levels above me, totally passive aggressive, and I suspect he's N. He exactly fits the description in this article and I find myself re-reading on a regular basis.
Here's the article: "How to tell is your boss is a narcissist" https://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2011/12/12/how-to-tell-if-your-boss-is-a-narcissist-and-5-ways-to-avoid-getting-fired-by-one/#c139004ce08f
Thru the Rain - thanks so much for responding, and for this link! I'll read through it and see what kind of info it has.
Has it helped you in dealing with that executive?
Thanks, again!
"The narcissist next door" had a chapter on narcs in the workplace. ..
Thank you, Hattie! I'll add this to the list.
Quote from: midnyteblu on March 23, 2019, 04:29:08 PM
Has it helped you in dealing with that executive?
To answer your question, it helped me understand that it's him, not me. It continues to be difficult to work with this person, but I've been able to better keep my balance when he acts the way he acts.
At the same time, I do intend to quit at some point in the near future if I can.
Mobbed! by Janice Harper has helpful information about being mistreated and abused in a group setting of adults. It focus mainly on the workplace.
Also Big Bad Bully by Susan Parker.
:stars: :stars: :stars: thanks for recommendation!
From what she's shared with me, it doesn't sound like it's narcissism, sociopathy, or psychopathy (yet), but we do see behaviors like manipulation, gaslighting, baiting, intermittent reinforcement, etc. :aaauuugh:
Read what youve written again.........slowly. Many threads on here about same subject .......unfortunately there is only one answer when its a manger, even with co workers ..... the good guys leave .....the bad guys dont change . PD is for life .
Hi Mid,
A good T for your daughter now might save her a lifetime of angst. Wish I'd had it earlier, much earlier.
She might have an EAP through her work so she gets some free sessions with nearby therapists. that's where I started my therapy.
It's not your fault, AND I would say that if you have grown up in a dysfunctional family (like I did) it may be VERY difficult not to pass on this dysfunction to your child without professional help for both of you. It's sub-conscious. Therapy can help her with that, and help break that family cycle. :)
All great advice above.
Might I also suggest the following books:
Verbal Judo
https://www.amazon.com/Verbal-Judo-Gentle-Persuasion-Updated/dp/0062107704/ref=nodl_
Tongue Fu
https://www.amazon.com/Tongue-Fu-Deflect-Disarm-Conflict/dp/0312152272/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=tongue+fu&qid=1575277651&sprefix=tomge+fu&sr=8-1
The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work
https://www.amazon.com/Gentle-Art-Verbal-Self-Defense-Work/dp/0735200890/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?keywords=gentle+art+of+verbal+self+defense&qid=1575277695&sprefix=gentle+art+&sr=8-2
"Ask a Manager" I forget who writes it. She has a blog also and every crazy scenario about work is in there and how to get yourself though it as far as what to say and how to react. I don't have an easy time spotting people that exhibit crazy behaviors at work or expose PD traits, but I have to read up and be sharp for myself so I know how to respond. When I was younger I would take the abuse. Now I call them out politely and it works. Best of luck to your daughter. I'm sure she will learn and grow very quickly.