Ok, so I'm dealing with an narcissistic, paranoid personality here...
Has anyone read or tried to do the love languages??
My husband LITERALLY NEEDS ALL OF THEM!!! EVERYDAY!!!!! How do you even remotely please someone who needs EVERY LOVE LANGUAGE FULFILLED?!?!?!?!
Why didn't I realize this crap 16 years ago.
OMG...and he has a sex addiction too. I mean, I could be STEAMING MAD and he'll want sex. And If I decline? Oh hell no. Every morning he needs a hand job. He wakes me up early every morning. And I'm NOT a morning person.
Sounds exhausting to me. Does he give back to you in all love languages on a daily basis too?
QuoteHow do you even remotely please someone who needs EVERY LOVE LANGUAGE FULFILLED?!?!?!?!
Short answer? You can't. Don't try. I tried for a long time. Eventually, I realized I had nothing left in the tank. After years, I'm just now coming out of the feelings of despair. My advice is this: take care of yourself first. This means setting boundaries, not giving in. For me that is hard because I have this nearly pathological need to be liked. I had to give that up. I had to give up her ever really working to take care of me, instead of complaining about everything.
Hang in there. Read the toolbox. Study up on things. As for the sex thing, I be of much help there, except the boundaries.
I read the original love languages book many years ago.
I didn't really agree with it then but I should reread it before I give my opiniin of it today. My thoughts about it may change.
Here's my thinking of 15 years or so ago:
In terms of romantic relationships, if my love language was spending time together, would it still be my love language if it was being fulfilled? No. I'd likely move on to another language. As humans we are never satisfied for long.
My uNPD exH didn't want me in his life so none of the languages applied to him. He didn't want my love. (He didn't want me to exist, and still doesn't.)
So, to quote an unknown source, I loved him as much as he would let me love him.
So maybe with our pds we need to drop the whole love languages thing. Put on our own oxygen masks first and think outside the box for how to keep the peace with the pds.
And accept the likelihood that they will never be satisfied. Have them try to take responsibility for their 50% of their emotional needs.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
AOD
Years ago I read the book, back I was still in the fog. I figured that my husband's love languages were words of affirmation and quality time but when you think of those two carried out to an extreme, they are narcissistic. And I could never quite figure out mine and I don't think I ever would be able to as long as I am in a unhealthy marriage.
As far as the sex thing, is there any way you can wean him off of needing it everyday? Like every other day to start with and when he's used to that, every 3 days and so on until you have something more reasonable. That must be so exhausting!
5 love languages, is a bad concept to mix when with a pd or narc.
It's they all need all 5 to the max and the non gives all 5 to the max while receiving little if any in return