I should have expected it with it being Father's day tomorrow. I got a text from my husband while I was at work, saying how he wasn't a good dad and he doesn't know how to show his children that he loves them etc., and that's why they don't do anything for him on Father's day. It's a lot longer than that but that's the basic idea. Every. Single. Year. Never mind that he has ignored both of his parents for years on Mother's and Father's days! If I didn't send them a card they'd get nothing. So why does he do this, for pity? I mean if he can send me a text like that why doesn't he send one to our children, apologizing to them? Why to me?
I hope you shook your head and then went on with the task of living your life.
To me, it seems that your husband doesn't want to do the work of getting to know his children. He just wants you to do the work of guilting them into showing up and pretending he's the best Dad ever, without him having to actually make an effort to be a Good Dad and connect with them himself.
My first reaction in the past had been to make my husband feel better but I know it is not my job to do that, especially when he has the relationship with our children that he has earned himself. I am still not very good at going medium chill with these sorts of things. I think you are both right, I should have just pretty much ignored his text and he doesn't want to do the work. He wants me to do the work and make it better for him. Or maybe he doesn't even want it better, he just wants me to think he cares about making it better.
Quote from: BunnyLover on June 15, 2019, 08:08:32 PM
To me, it seems that your husband doesn't want to do the work of getting to know his children. He just wants you to do the work of guilting them into showing up and pretending he's the best Dad ever, without him having to actually make an effort to be a Good Dad and connect with them himself.
Bunny Lover, I think we are married to the same man!
Cascade, sorry you had this nonsense to deal with.
My uPD husband also had a pity party on Fathers Day. He has 3 adult children. He does not bother with them. One is in contact now and then but the other two haven't had contact for about 14 years. Husband started wailing and doing the "woe is me" rubbish. Yet he has not got off his backside to build a relationship with any of them.
:roll:
Quote. One is in contact now and then but the other two haven't had contact for about 14 years.
That is so sad. I could see this happening between our youngest and my husband, once he moves out. My other two children put some effort into maintaining a relationship with him but it's pretty much all on their shoulders, not his. How do your children feel about the lack of relationship? I hope they have had other fatherly relationships in their lives.
Quote from: Cascade on July 02, 2019, 09:44:09 AM
Quote. One is in contact now and then but the other two haven't had contact for about 14 years.
That is so sad. I could see this happening between our youngest and my husband, once he moves out. My other two children put some effort into maintaining a relationship with him but it's pretty much all on their shoulders, not his. How do your children feel about the lack of relationship? I hope they have had other fatherly relationships in their lives.
Cascade, it is sad.
I have never met the two adult children that are estranged. They are from his previous marriage. So I don't know how they feel. I imagine they were devastated at first.
The one that does have contact now, didnt see uPD husband for about 8 years but contact started from his son's side. UPD husband didnt instigate it. If i remember rightly it came via Face Book.
There are also lots of grandchildren and great grandchildren who have never met him.
I hope you shook your head and then went on with the task of living your life.
Not exactly because it took me a few moments before I realized he had done the same thing last year but I'm hoping to do that next year.