Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Chosen Relationships => Topic started by: Samuel S. on July 09, 2019, 11:16:21 PM

Title: Is your PD jealous of you?
Post by: Samuel S. on July 09, 2019, 11:16:21 PM
The reason why I ask is that my PDw has been jealous of me for various reasons. I have 2 adult daughters, and she only has 1 surviving daughter. The other daughter passed away 20 years ago this month. My PDw told me she is jealous. I have tried to convince there are different kinds of love, and I think she is only starting to believe what I am saying since she does have 1 daughter.

She is jealous of me, because I am teaching and tutoring, and I love what I am doing. She doesnít like her current job, although within several years, she will have a doctorate in another field. I have gone to her school and her MA graduation. While she hasnít told me she is jealous of my profession, she never really validates what I am doing.

I donít gloat or pat myself on the back. In fact, I am humble. I just want to help others.

I validate and praise her unconditionally for what she has been doing. I feel more like a T than her husband.

So, what about your PD? Is he or she jealous? If so, how do you handle it?
Title: Re: Is your PD jealous of you?
Post by: GentleSoul on July 10, 2019, 08:29:38 AM
This came up recently with uPDhusband.  I am careful what I eat and go to gym classes, which I very much enjoy.

I happened to buy a new pair of jeans.  I was wearing them and husband pitched an absolute fit because I am slim and in good shape whereas he is obese and therefore cannot buy clothes as easily as I can.  He has to have jogging pants with elasticated waists.

Thing is, he will not put in the work to be slim or get fit.  He drinks heavily all the time and lives off crisps, junk and sweets.  He wants the rewards but will not put in the work.

I am pretty used to him and his strange attitude but when he suddenly had this tantrum I was very much taken aback.  Pure jealously.

I removed myself from the room.

It was like a toddler wailing  how unfair it all is.  Waaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllll!
Title: Re: Is your PD jealous of you?
Post by: Samuel S. on July 10, 2019, 03:48:42 PM
Yes, GentleSoul, PDs are babies in grownup bodies unfortunately! They want all the attention all the time. If they canít get that, they rationalize and undermine.

Just last night or may I say many a night, she returns from work. She needs time for herself, although when she arrives back at the condo, she parks her car and walks for 10 to 15 minutes just to unwind. When she enters our condo, she complains about work or being tired, and I listen. Then, she prepares her lunch for the next day and takes a shower and says good night. There is very little interaction, not alone her asking me how my day was. In fact, she doesnít want ok ow, because although I rarely have frustrations, most of my days are very positive, helpful for others, and inspiring. She canít handle that. She doesnít want to hear me or see me.
Title: Re: Is your PD jealous of you?
Post by: blunk on July 11, 2019, 11:41:36 AM
Yes, I also found that my bpdxh was jealous of me, specifically my job.

In the time that we were together he had upwards of 10 different jobs in all of them in different fields. Everything from cooking to hvac to owning an office cleaning franchise (paid for on my credit card). I encouraged him every way that I knew how. I helped him to get into the franchise, encouraged him to go to school for photography and web development, even tutored him in the math class that he was struggling with.

I, on the other hand, had 2 primary jobs (many others that I took to make extra money when he was out of work for 1-2 year spans). In each of the 2 jobs I was steadily promoted through my own diligence and hard work. I tried my best never to mention this to him, as he told me several times that he resented that I was doing so much better than him. His mentality was "I'm the man I should be the breadwinner". By the time we divorced I was making more than 3x what he did. I know I shouldn't have, but I felt guilty about it, wondering if I could have done more to help and encourage him. In reality he had every opportunity to do better for himself and for us, he just never bothered to do the work to achieve it...but that didn't stop him from claiming that I owed him half of the equity in the house when we divorced.

Title: Re: Is your PD jealous of you?
Post by: Lauren17 on July 14, 2019, 03:59:11 PM
My uBPDh would never come out and say heís jealous, but I think so.  As SamuelS says: grown up babies.
I think itís similar to that of a teenage girl.  Sheís feeling insecure about her looks, so she finds a peer and insults her hair/face/weight/clothes, loudly and in front of others.
Stay strong! Iíve been visualizing ďwater off a duckís back.Ē