Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Common Behaviors => Topic started by: 11JB68 on July 21, 2019, 12:43:49 PM

Title: Excuses and proxy recruitment
Post by: 11JB68 on July 21, 2019, 12:43:49 PM
We're supposed to visit fil today. We go every two weeks, sometimes we reschedule.
Its super hot. Updh hates the heat.
He could just call his dad and say, were going to come next week instead (either with no reason, or just say to hot to go out).
Instead he comes to me: "can you think of a good reason to skip my dad's today?".
1) he wants an excuse
2) he wants it to be my decision
3) he wants me to call his dad and tell him

This is a pattern.
Early in our marriage I had to call him in sick at his job.
Many more examples.
Title: Re: Excuses and proxy recruitment
Post by: GentleSoul on July 21, 2019, 02:20:19 PM
I hear you.  My uPDh wanted me to make calls excusing him from things. 

I no longer do it for him. Is very annoying.  Trying to dump it all on me.  Like I am his mum calling his teacher to get him off gym class.
Title: Re: Excuses and proxy recruitment
Post by: Whiteheron on July 21, 2019, 03:08:08 PM
My stbx used to do this with doc/dental appointments. He'd make me schedule the appointment, then a few days later tell me it didn't fit in his schedule, so I needed to call to cancel/reschedule. Every single time, without fail. My favorite was when he'd call me an hour before his scheduled appointment to tell me to call them and cancel it.  :roll:

At least I didn't have to make up excuses. If he didn't want to go to en event we had planned to attend, we just wouldn't show. He wouldn't say anything to anyone, but said to me a few times "they know how important and busy I am. I can't be expected to attend every little thing they think up..."
Title: Re: Excuses and proxy recruitment
Post by: GentleSoul on July 21, 2019, 05:06:40 PM

 but said to me a few times "they know how important and busy I am."


Thanks for sharing this, made me laugh out loud.  Just so arghhhhhhhhhhhh!   :aaauuugh: :aaauuugh: :aaauuugh:
Title: Re: Excuses and proxy recruitment
Post by: Whiteheron on July 21, 2019, 07:03:06 PM

 but said to me a few times "they know how important and busy I am."


Thanks for sharing this, made me laugh out loud.  Just so arghhhhhhhhhhhh!   :aaauuugh: :aaauuugh: :aaauuugh:

You're welcome  :)  At the time I just wanted to shout at him "You're a self-important nobody!" and "No one cares!"
Title: Re: Excuses and proxy recruitment
Post by: Whatthehey on July 23, 2019, 02:30:25 AM
I swear there are times that I feel people on this forum had a camera in our house.  My stbxOCPDh never made his own appointments.  Never.  And I had to go with him.  I felt like his secretary.

I called him off.  I made the excuses to friends and family.  I had to come up with well worded reasons for why we couldn't go to something if he didn't want to - I even. had to field this from his own mother!

My kids are angry that I left - I have left the impression that I am the one in control in the house.  HA!  I covered for him the entire time.  There is some small satisfaction that he has to do it on his own now.