My first lawyer consult was in March 2018. A year and a half ago. I didn't realize it had been that long. I pulled out my notes today and thankfully I had written the date. I was that close back then to leaving. I had another one in September 2018. So it's been a year. I've been too scared to go through with it. I've been using mc and not jadeing with some success...but this week's fight really sucked the life out of me. So I had a lawyers contact info from a colleague and emailed her today, I have to call their office on Monday to make an appointment. I'm still50/50 but I need to see if I can get some info that will help me make a decision or help me if I find myself with no other choice.
Good for you! I hope you follow through and do schedule an appointment.
11JB68,
Wow, that is a big step. Congratulations on informing yourself and following up. In my state, all the statutes are online and pretty clear cut. I hope where you are there is the same. Read them as well. At a minimum, they make good before bed reading.
Whether you do or not, I am sending positive energy your way!
Good for you for emailing! I scheduled an appointment for this week. Nearly cancelled last week but not i am determined to go....
Hoping my lawyer will have concrete advice on how to leave.
Wishing you strength and peace.
Well I did it. Scheduled for next Tuesday. But then got a call back that it has to be rescheduled...so probably next thurs
Good for you for scheduling the appointment! We're here to support you.
You are taking some bold moves! Be proud of yourself and make sure to take care of yourself through out the process.
I am supporting you from afar!!!
Now it's a week from Thursday, i.e. a week from tomorrow.
Ugh, :doh: the waiting!
11JB68 - good for you. that is a huge and brave step. As you know from your past consults, talking to a lawyer doesn't commit you to anything. It does give you more information/tools to help you decide what to do. Your lawyer can also advise you what resources are available to help you prepare in advance for the inevitable fallout if you do decide to leave. Having that information might also give you some extra reassurances, which might make your decision easier. Regardless of what you decide, good luck! We are here for you. :)
This is postponed again. My fault but probably a good thing. I totally flaked, whichis unlike me, I always keep everything together. Very stressed at work. Somehow mixed up the day of the appointment. Rescheduled now for 10/30. Waiting till the dust settles at work.
Appt was today, not the30th. I made it!
Of the3lawyers I've met this one seemed like the best fit.
She also said that she could possibly make a case for me to not have to pay support, due to uOCPDh should be able to make more but chooses not to.
Thanks for the update. I'm glad the lawyer seems willing to argue for you not paying support.
Good news! It is hard to find fit - like finding a good therapist.
I am glad that there is way for you not to pay support. Sounds like you are on the right track! Good luck!
I first spoke to an attorney a year before I went back and started the divorce. It takes the time it takes.
Sounds like you have a good attorney. Mine was awful and dragged on the process unnecessarily.
Leaving and pushing through the divorce was so difficult for me, but I have zero regrets. Zero. I know we all walk our own paths, but I cannot express how different and better my life it now that I'm no longer married to a man with BPD.
You know, she asked me what was stopping me from leaving, and I mostly talked about the financial issues, but thought a lot about it after and realized that a huge part of it is FOG.
I really don't want to hurt him.
It's a good sign to me that the lawyer asked you that question.
Quote from: GettingOOTF on October 30, 2019, 06:24:11 AM
I first spoke to an attorney a year before I went back and started the divorce. It takes the time it takes.
Same.
I'm so glad you found one you like. I hope she answered al of your questions and helped to put your mind at ease.
Ivy, I'm curious why that question is a good sign (I don't disagree, just wondering)
To me, the question indicates that the lawyer wants to understand you and the relationship dynamics and that she will give you legal advice based on your individual situation. (Some lawyers don't.)
Glad to hear the lawyer sounds like a good fit, and glad to hear you might not have to pay support!
I agree that it is a good sign. You will need a lawyer who listens.
I recognize and identify with your fear of hurting your husband. Two things helped me with that:
- As people have mentioned, taking a step to become knowledgeable is just that, a step. It does not make things final. Final is a while away. However, there are certain steps, such as beginning a legal separation , where you want to get the clock running in the background, in case you want out and your husband does not want to let you out. Discuss that with your lawyer.
- Perhaps have a sit down with yourself and ask yourself whether your husband cares about hurting you. When I did this, I was overwhelmed with memories that proved that my husband did not show up for me. Hundred of examples, some of them truly shocking. And then I asked myself, if my friend told me that they were worried about hurting a person who did all these things, what would I say. I then had some very good advice for myself.
Best of luck.
Ivy, thanks, that makes sense.
Ark, thanks for sharing that.