My dxBPDw and I have been seeing the same therapist for a few years now - some couples work and some individual. After trying some different things for my W - she has now recommended DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) at a separate clinic, which incorporates some group work and some individual. DBT is often prescribed for BPD patients and my W took the step of signing up, which was very encouraging. Our T also prescribed Neuro-feedback for my W, which can help trauma patients essentially re-wire the brain where some patterns have been stuck as a result of trauma. It's a huge expense - but I'm hopeful this will bring some relief to her, me, and our family. anyone have experience with either of these ?
My husband did DBT therapy some 5 years ago, he is a military veteran. DBT therapy works as long as the patient does the work, we have had less lashing out issues which I am grateful for however his patterns of behavior still happen. My husband was told he had BPD but I know he is a NPD as well but husband is in denial about. It takes a lot of work for people with a PD to change their behavior and sometimes they are so exhausted in their head that they can't help but take it out on their loved ones. I have seen my husband at his worst and he is 60 years old now but he still struggles and if I let him affect me I struggle too. :( If you have little ones please take care of yourself and make sure you are all safe from their problems, it has been a long road for me and I would hate to see you go down the same road. DBT works if the patient works it, I am sure you may see some improvement in her behavior. :bighug:
Hi HH,
Wishing you peace in this difficult journey.
My BPDH is high-functioning and since the first time we nearly separated (19 months ago), highly motivated to address his trauma and pain/anxiety. He has gone to counselors with DBT experience, and we have gone to a couples therapist with DBT experience.
I would say that if the PD person works at it, DBT is very effective in controlling behaviour. DH's anger is now manageable. He almost never blows up at the kids, and there is no physical demonstration of anger any more. The yelling is very minimal. He is better able to calm himself down to a functional level.
His relationships with the kids, particularly the scapegoat child, have improved dramatically and I think DBT deserves a lot of credit.
At the same time, I do not think DBT really addresses the trauma or the deep emotional wounds. I feel that the emotional structure of our marriage has not really changed, it is just better controlled on his part. (And for me, I try to do a lot of medium chill.) Maybe that is just my experience.
I can recommend the book "The High-Conflict Couple." It is based on DBT approaches. I found it helpful to read just for myself.
I don't know anything about Neurofeedback.
Noob here.
I'm curious to know how DBT has been going and how long it has been since your SO have started? Are there relapses? Are the rages more mild than before? What keeps them motivated to continue?
My BPDxH was in an intensive multi-week "day patient" DBT. He "graduated" to a few times a week for an hour.
While it gave him tools he had to choose to use them. He chose not to. While there was some improvement when he was in a good mood as soon as something stressed him he went back to his usual behavior. In many ways it was worse as he had a new language to use around his behavior.
DBT doesn't change how someone feels, it simply gives them a set of tools to use, they have to choose to use them. In my experience from everything I went through with my ex and the info I got from doctors, his social worker and the therapist we saw together if he was capable of choosing the tools he wouldn't have needed the DPT therapy.
I have nothing good to say about my experience with my ex but I will say this about him, he gave that program and follow up therapy 100%. He worked harder at it than I'd ever seen him work at something. He seemed to really want it to work. It made no difference other than give him a new vocabulary to justify his behavior.