Is this a common behaviour?
Never seen anything like it with my Dad. He CONSTANTLY moans about his knees. Fair enough hes got arthritic but, against doctors advice, he takes HALF the dose of painkillers. (Don't ask- his stupid friend told him he'd get addicted).
Iv'e got back problems and, some days, I'm literally counting down the minutes to take my next dose. I've got to force myself to ensure I don't take too much!
He phones me - been ill. Had ahead cold. YESTERDAY but I'm ok now. One day?
Hes the same with his doctor. Called them for a home visit so many times they refuse now. Senior partner phoned him and asked him to stop doing.
Ambulances. I can't count. Same with them. They used to rush out. Hes been to hospital a few times, home in a few hours. Always annoyed they dont admit him. They've twigged. Last time they phoned him (and worked out it wasnt serious I guess) and turned up next day.
Fake chest pains. A few of these. I've zoomed over and then hes admitted he hasnt. Nice.
Fake hospital admissions. Twice. 99.9% hes deliberately hit his head on the cupboard to get admitted. (Both were the day after the doctor refused to admit him with a chest infection and he was convinced he should be in hospital). Hospital noticed the wound was not consistent with his story.
My updated MIL does this FOR SURE. She always has mysterious dire illnesses that drs can't diagnose because of course they're all stupid. She makes up some diagnosis, cobbles some stuff together, and is always DYING. Or if something is actually wrong, she inflates it to EPIC PROPORTIONS. H also does this, not to her degree, but he does do it. He HATES the behavior in her, so it's interesting that he doesn't notice how he copies it. It's a clear attention grab.
How on earth the medical profession deal with my Dad I'll never know....
I went away on holidays to Florida - I knew he'd try it on. I phoned him - he'd been ill he said and I was to worry. (Yeh right I worried for about 0 seconds because I've heard it all before). I was REALLY annoyed at that - he knew I was on holiday yet hes trying to cause drama to get attention.
Doctor had given anti-biotics. Bad idea. I hate it when they do this because, in his head, it validates it for him. Must have been ill they gave me anti-biotics. Of course, my Dad is such a nightmare to deal with I do wonder if they just give him something to shut him up.
His treatment of the District Nurse system is appalling he should be ashamed. (Visting Nurse in the USA I believe!). Anyway, in the UK its massively stretched (NHS is free of course) and pretty much unless you're house bound you really need to go to the surgery. My wifes a District Nurse (thankfully in a different area to my Dad).
He had the District Nurse once and thought "wow this is good I don;'t have to get off my backside". So he keeps requesting it. Even though he can get about. They've kicked him off the list about 4-5 times but he always finds a way to get back on.
He even has the cheek to phone them and say, "you need to be here before 10am because I like to go out". I try to explain, Dad my wife does this, they're mega busy they really can;t do requests like that. Also you're supposed to be bed bound so asking them to come early because you want to go out is crazy. Does he listen? Nope he milks it for all its worth. Disgraceful to be honest.
It's extremely common.
That said, my undiagnosed, Borderline Personality Disordered Mom, constantly pulls the "woe is me I'm so sick" card, but never does a darn thing to fix her problems. Real or imagined. For her, the behavior is part of being the "waif" of the disorder. Of the four types, she exhibits the "waif" and "hermit" almost exclusively.
I also agree that it's only about attention seeking.
My uOCPDh has some weird version of this. Has many physical complaints, yet refuses to see a Dr for anything. Insists on telling me about his symptoms and wants me to diagnose, treat, care for him etc, gets angry if I suggest going to a Dr. Many of the symptoms are real and quite concerning. He also claims chest pains, usually if we are arguing. Also his refusal to get real medical care impedes our ability to do things together/enjoy life, I see it as very selfish
This is *exactly* what H does! Reports concerning symptoms, many physical complaints, but will NOT go see a Dr! Sometimes says he's going to see one, but never does. And some symptoms are real, I see them, and some are not quantifiable, but described and paired with real ones are incredibly concerning! However, I am very noncommittal in my response to all this. If he won't go see a medical professional, there's nothing I can do.
SO's BPDxw does this. She's called an ambulance a few times because she thought she was having a heart attack (she lives maybe 5 min from the hospital). One time she was just constipated. The other time they couldn't find anything wrong. They thought maybe her arthritis was affecting her breast bone joint. She self-diagnosis herself with a new disease frequently, then goes to the ER because she thinks she has it. If they tell her she doesn't, she goes to another ER. She does the same thing with doctors. She's had a few doctors tell her she doesn't have arthritis, so she keeps going to doctors until one says she does.
A lot of it is like Andeza says. She plays the waif card. Then complains when the doctors suggest she do x to feel better. "the doctor says if I lose weight I will feel better. He knows nothing about my pain!" It is very attention seeking behavior. She has to be the victim and always needs attention for something. Every doctor who wont' diagnose her with something is a quack. THen she's a victim becasue they won't help her. I think some of it was she was addicted to pain pills. She would go to different ERs and doctors to get pain meds. They just stopped giving them to her last year. Sometimes she just wants to be diagnosed with a disease. She loves posting about all her diseases on FB. I'd be surprised if she really has two of them. A lot of times it's the same symptoms she complains of, but picks a new disease that fits. She loves doctors and hospitals. She'll post pics on FB of herself in the hospital bed, waiting on test results.
My fil is the same. For the last 8 years it's been one medical condition or another. He has High Anxiety, not much of a talker, like my dh....that's psychological poison. His wife has ended up going to the hospital in the night......panic attacks, the same thing over and over. Such a load to carry.
One x-mas ago fil didn't come to sil annuel party because he wasn't feeling strong enough. After an hour, he called his wife because he couldn't get to his pills....so that was it for her.
He has had fears for decades. Never sits at the table with us at meal time because he eats the same thing every single day, he's so skinny. His supper is a cheese sandwich with a muffin and coffee at 5 pm. Never goes beyond eating anything else like soup, fruit whatever, healthy homemade meals.....I'm not talking about pizza or fries.
Last week dh got a call from his sister saying they have to have a meeting because his wife can't take care of him no more, she's 85 herself. His knees have been hurting for a while, has been walking with a cane. Now, he does not walk any more.
I remember him saying about 10 years ago that he did not want to go to a home....yikes
I don't know how this meeting will turn out for fil.
Oh Dad goes to the doctor. Too much.
Im in the UK so healthcare is free. If he sneezes or coughs he calls the doctor. If its slightly worse he calls the emergency ambulance. There is NO COST and NO COMEBACK.
I wish he was in the USA. If it cost $5 he wouldnt call anyone if he was dying.
I'm in Canada so it's free here too, the Medicare card.
Quote from: blacksheep7 on November 08, 2019, 11:43:21 AM
I'm in Canada so it's free here too, the Medicare card.
Didn't know Canada had free healthcare. Is it awful like the NHS in the UK?
Absolutely common. Complain, complain, complain. Vague symptoms, dramatic pains that prevent them from doing this that or the other (which means someone else ought to do it for them). Avoiding the doctor; finally going to the doctor but them disregarding everything they're told because the doctor is wrong/ incompetent/not really listening/ doesn't care. And naturally, no matter your own situation....they are suffering more than you.
Ooh, swarley, sounds like you've met my mom!
In the US the average ambulance ride will run you $500 that insurance may or may not (usually not) cover. At least in my experience, lol.
But yes, they suffer with everything, a sneeze means "OMG I'm gonna die!" and yet they won't follow doctor's orders. Go figure. :roll:
My stbx is a weird mix. He constantly complains of some ailment or another. Has self-diagnosed with prostatitis, MS, random other neurodegerative diseases, RA, to name a few. He panics, does his research to convince himself he will be incapacitated in X amount of time. Plans for doomsday. Makes doc appts, gets referred to specialists, has his blood work, his scans (which show nothing) and nothing...which means his case is so unique and rare the professionals just can't figure it out. :roll:
On the other hand, when there is a serious problem, he does nothing. One of the unnecessary procedures he had caused some redness and swelling in the area (infection). He said nothing until the area was angry red, swollen and very warm to the touch. When he finally showed me, about a week later, I told him it was obviously infected and that he should make an appt asap. He had such a look of glee in his eye, and kept staring at the spot. Debating whether or not to call. He told me the spot had grown larger over the last few days. But he just stood there staring at it. It was so very weird. He admired it for so long that I finally asked him if he was going to stare at the spot all day or was he actually going to call the doc? He finally did call and was so overjoyed at the reaction he got from them - lots of attention for his (now) very serious infection. He had multiple follow appointments (huge supply) after that to ensure the infection was going away and that he was healing properly.
I was almost as if he needed something to be wrong with him, but when there actually was something wrong he couldn't believe it - as in it was too good to be true? Which may sound a bit harsh and judgy, but it's hard to explain. You had to see it to believe it. So very weird.
P123 quote: Is it awful like the NHS in the UK?
I don't know what NHS means.
First off, many elderly people visit the hospital much too often, abuse the system. All I can say is, it not what it used to be. Technology is better but we pay the price. Many don't have a family doctor, I'm talking in my province in Eastern Canada. I watched dd try to get a doctor's appointment the same day when her toddlers were sick without going to the hospital to wait for hours on end , oh my so complicated. Sometimes you have to pay or go private. If you have insurance, it's better and quicker. I don't think it is a fair system since private care has escalated in the past decade. Those who don't have insurance are on a long waiting list for operations, it shouldn't be this way for the less fortunate. My dh has insurance but it breaks my heart when I see cases of those on the news who don't.
Quote from: Andeza on November 08, 2019, 02:54:24 PM
Ooh, swarley, sounds like you've met my mom!
In the US the average ambulance ride will run you $500 that insurance may or may not (usually not) cover. At least in my experience, lol.
But yes, they suffer with everything, a sneeze means "OMG I'm gonna die!" and yet they won't follow doctor's orders. Go figure. :roll:
If it was $5 Dad wouldnt call one unless he was really dying!
Free in the UK which is bad for Dad....
Quote from: blacksheep7 on November 09, 2019, 09:24:51 AM
P123 quote: Is it awful like the NHS in the UK?
I don't know what NHS means.
First off, many elderly people visit the hospital much too often, abuse the system. All I can say is, it not what it used to be. Technology is better but we pay the price. Many don't have a family doctor, I'm talking in my province in Eastern Canada. I watched dd try to get a doctor's appointment the same day when her toddlers were sick without going to the hospital to wait for hours on end , oh my so complicated. Sometimes you have to pay or go private. If you have insurance, it's better and quicker. I don't think it is a fair system since private care has escalated in the past decade. Those who don't have insurance are on a long waiting list for operations, it shouldn't be this way for the less fortunate. My dh has insurance but it breaks my heart when I see cases of those on the news who don't.
Sorry sheepie - National Health Service. Its the free healthcare in the UK.
Same here. Can't get GP appt. MAssive wait times for A&E. MAssive waiting lists for operations etc. Private insurance isnt that common. Its not cheap. I have it but not a lot of people do to be honest - mine costs £100/month.
Wow p. In us, ours is probably 3x that amount
Quote from: 11JB68 on November 12, 2019, 06:34:04 AM
Wow p. In us, ours is probably 3x that amount
private health insurance? Yeh this is a "limited" one with £100 excess. GP visits and prescripitons (in wales not england where its £9 per item) are still free.
Generally people dont pay it. NHS provides care so private is like a top up if you dont want to wait months. If you're dying the NHS will look after you.
Oh yes! And my PDh is the same, whiteheron. He moans and carries on if he is constipated or something minor. Fell down day before yesterday, still limping like he broke his leg. Major, MAJOR drama. However, he is in remission from leukemia. When it hit, he lost 60 pounds in about 3 months, turned as white as a piece of paper and could barely walk up stairs he was so fatigued. He REFUSED to accept it. I was very obvious to anyone that something terrible was wrong. including his doctor, who, when he finally laid eyes on him - now we are talking his GP here- was able to diagnose the type of leukemia he had, it was so obvious. I mean just LOOKING at him. And not the only time that happened. He once broke his ANKLE and refused for TWO DAYS to go to the ER or anything. He finally accepted something was wrong after FORTY-EIGHT HOURS of not being able to walk and went to the doctor (same one, what MUST he think), denying the entire time anything (including his massively swollen, literally black ankle) was wrong.
Attention, yep, and, for the leuk and broken ankle, just plain old denial. Of course, what that tells me is that he knows he is just acting out. When its real, he just ignores it.
So far Dad has never had any serious illnesses. Yes hes had ops and knee replacements and been a complete nightmare each time.
I don't know how the medical profession put up with him. Yes you've had an op and its going to hurt afterwards. Yes you're going to need physio. Every time he pretty much would not accept this.
If he has a cold now he calls the GP out. Every time. If hes got a stomach upset he presses his lifeline emergency.
Sometime he WANTS to be in hospital. Expects a visit EVERY DAY then.
I honestly do not know what would happen if he was every properly ill.
So phoned Dad this weekend, first words "I've been really ill". Here we go.
Turns out hes vomited (once he says probably never) and got the squits. Feels OK now.
But hes calling the doctor out tommorow? Why? I told him all they're going to say is drink plenty and let it runs it course. Jeez he doesnt listen.
Nope "just in case". Jeez. Again hes risking they will get annoyed again and won't come (they told him last time to stop ringing them and expecting a call - he lives 400 yards from the GP and is too lazy to take his scooter - "they dont mind coming out and anyway its their job".
Sometimes I wish the NHS in the UK charged for appointments.... Meanwhile I can never get an appt because its alway full up with people like my Dad.....
Let him ring the doctor. Not your problem.
Quote from: NumbLotus on November 25, 2019, 08:34:38 AM
Let him ring the doctor. Not your problem.
Of course, at the end of the day "not my circus not my monkeys".
BUT we all want whats best for our parents. Being struck off his GP list (its getting to that) is not going to work out well. His fault but there we go.
And he'll expect me to call for an update every day now. I wont of course.
Next time I go out and drink 12 pints of Cider, and eat a large donner kebab with garlic sauce on I'm going to call him next day with an update on well my system handled that. (UK people will get this I hope!)
Of course, a lot of this is me worrying about what will happen when he really gets ill.
One upchuck (not confirmed) and a dodgy poo and hes calling the GP out. God forbid he ever gets cancer or something.....
Quote from: p123 on November 25, 2019, 09:32:20 AM
Quote from: NumbLotus on November 25, 2019, 08:34:38 AM
Let him ring the doctor. Not your problem.
Of course, at the end of the day "not my circus not my monkeys".
BUT we all want whats best for our parents. Being struck off his GP list (its getting to that) is not going to work out well. His fault but there we go.
And he'll expect me to call for an update every day now. I wont of course.
Next time I go out and drink 12 pints of Cider, and eat a large donner kebab with garlic sauce on I'm going to call him next day with an update on well my system handled that. (UK people will get this I hope!)
I'm kind of coming on tough with you in a coulle of threads. I hope you understand that I write with compassion and respect. But I also hope you can hear a few difficult things, because you are clearly in the FOG.
Let your father ring the damn doctor.
You can forsee consequences for him if he does that? Fine. Good, even. Not your problem.
Oh, he will make it your problem? He'll make you ring around to fix it or findanither GP? NO. Not your problem. He is a grown man. If he alienates his doctor, he can suffer the consequences. Not you.
Oh, but what if he gets reaaalllly sick? He can ring 999 or whatever your emergency line is. He can find another doctor. Hire a taxi to another doctor since he burned his bridges with the one around the corner.
NONE OF THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM. Your father is not a child. He certainly is not YOUR child. If his chickens are starting to come hime to roost, GREAT. It's the life he set up. Maybe he would enjoy the drama, anyway. Something for him to do. You don't have to play, though.
Yeah, elderly parents are tough because they start needing care. Well, he was responsible throughout his adult life to arrange for his elder years. That includes earning a pension or saving, looking after his health, and -listen to me on this - cultivating healthy relationships with others.
He has NHS (assuming you are in the UK). He has access to social services like elder case managers. He's fine. And if he's not, you can't help him. Take care of your family - that's your wife and kids. They have a chance. He has no chance.
Quote from: NumbLotus on November 25, 2019, 10:34:21 AM
Quote from: p123 on November 25, 2019, 09:32:20 AM
Quote from: NumbLotus on November 25, 2019, 08:34:38 AM
Let him ring the doctor. Not your problem.
Of course, at the end of the day "not my circus not my monkeys".
BUT we all want whats best for our parents. Being struck off his GP list (its getting to that) is not going to work out well. His fault but there we go.
And he'll expect me to call for an update every day now. I wont of course.
Next time I go out and drink 12 pints of Cider, and eat a large donner kebab with garlic sauce on I'm going to call him next day with an update on well my system handled that. (UK people will get this I hope!)
I'm kind of coming on tough with you in a coulle of threads. I hope you understand that I write with compassion and respect. But I also hope you can hear a few difficult things, because you are clearly in the FOG.
Let your father ring the damn doctor.
You can forsee consequences for him if he does that? Fine. Good, even. Not your problem.
Oh, he will make it your problem? He'll make you ring around to fix it or findanither GP? NO. Not your problem. He is a grown man. If he alienates his doctor, he can suffer the consequences. Not you.
Oh, but what if he gets reaaalllly sick? He can ring 999 or whatever your emergency line is. He can find another doctor. Hire a taxi to another doctor since he burned his bridges with the one around the corner.
NONE OF THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM. Your father is not a child. He certainly is not YOUR child. If his chickens are starting to come hime to roost, GREAT. It's the life he set up. Maybe he would enjoy the drama, anyway. Something for him to do. You don't have to play, though.
Yeah, elderly parents are tough because they start needing care. Well, he was responsible throughout his adult life to arrange for his elder years. That includes earning a pension or saving, looking after his health, and -listen to me on this - cultivating healthy relationships with others.
He has NHS (assuming you are in the UK). He has access to social services like elder case managers. He's fine. And if he's not, you can't help him. Take care of your family - that's your wife and kids. They have a chance. He has no chance.
You're right. No problem.
His actions are going to come home to roost soon. Yes he has the NHS of course but that doesnt stop him being kicked out of his local surgery. I wish they were a bit tougher on him to be honest but I guess, again, thats not my problem.
Oh hes off again...
MAJOR cold apparently. Sounds OK to me. Going to phone doctor. Told him its not wise because last three times they've told him not to call again. What can I do?
Nothing really. A cold is a cold. Has to run it's course. There is no medication for the common cold, merely things to help alleviate the symptoms. However, if your grown man father can't figure out to take a few things over the counter to help himself, that's not your problem. Next time he says he's going to phone the doctor, I'd recommend saying "okay" and changing the subject. Don't linger on whatever he's got or let him spout TMI details, it's what he wants. That's his supply, my mom did the same thing to me all the time like I was a freaking ER (A&E over there) intake nurse. What's wrong today, what medications is she taking, how they aren't helping, how she needs to go see the doctor again, and again, and again. Three hours later I'm just a zombie holding the dang phone going "Hmm" every couple of seconds. Before I went NC I got her down to 20 minutes and managed to keep most of that off medical stuff, but only by keeping DH on the call with me.
She was convinced she had this, that, and oh that one too! All incurable and mostly untreatable by the way. Those were the ones that suited her purpose because it meant she could play the game for the rest of her life. PDs seem to go one way or the other. Either everything int eh world is wrong with them and they love going to the doctor. Or things are actually wrong with them and they refuse. I swear the self-preservation gene skipped some of them. :stars:
Quote from: p123 on November 25, 2019, 11:39:13 AM
I wish they were a bit tougher on him to be honest but I guess, again, thats not my problem.
Quote from: p123 on February 20, 2020, 07:22:23 AM
Oh hes off again...
MAJOR cold apparently. Sounds OK to me. Going to phone doctor. Told him its not wise because last three times they've told him not to call again. What can I do?
Maybe they're being tougher than you imagined?
Lemsip isn't exactly tasty but it's more of a novelty than the standard prescribed paracetamol.
Quote from: Andeza on February 20, 2020, 11:16:35 AM
Nothing really. A cold is a cold. Has to run it's course. There is no medication for the common cold, merely things to help alleviate the symptoms. However, if your grown man father can't figure out to take a few things over the counter to help himself, that's not your problem. Next time he says he's going to phone the doctor, I'd recommend saying "okay" and changing the subject. Don't linger on whatever he's got or let him spout TMI details, it's what he wants. That's his supply, my mom did the same thing to me all the time like I was a freaking ER (A&E over there) intake nurse. What's wrong today, what medications is she taking, how they aren't helping, how she needs to go see the doctor again, and again, and again. Three hours later I'm just a zombie holding the dang phone going "Hmm" every couple of seconds. Before I went NC I got her down to 20 minutes and managed to keep most of that off medical stuff, but only by keeping DH on the call with me.
She was convinced she had this, that, and oh that one too! All incurable and mostly untreatable by the way. Those were the ones that suited her purpose because it meant she could play the game for the rest of her life. PDs seem to go one way or the other. Either everything int eh world is wrong with them and they love going to the doctor. Or things are actually wrong with them and they refuse. I swear the self-preservation gene skipped some of them. :stars:
Nope hes had many arguments with the GP about this. He will not believe that a cold does not require a doctor to look at you.
They've told him many times this but he wont have it. His attitude "I've paid my taxes they can come out and sort me out".
Hes told me many times hes on deaths door and I get there and hes hardly a sniffle... He'll never change.
"He'll never change."
Sad, but true of most of our disordered people. Good luck
Quote from: Andeza on February 20, 2020, 12:19:22 PM
"He'll never change."
Sad, but true of most of our disordered people. Good luck
It used to annoy me but I keep out of it now. He gets visits from the District (Visiting) nurse that hes not entitled to as well - hes not housebound just entitled lol. Hes been taken off they're list multiple times but he moans and gets back on.
This annoys me because my own wife is a DN (fortunately different area!) and I know how busy they are. Yet Dad doesnt care if he plays the system.
And ambulances - he went through a phase of one about every week. Until they pretty much stopped coming. Paramedics would turn up then take him to hospital, he'd be out 2 hours later, then they twigged and started refusing admission. Then he self-inflcited head injuries once or twice. Great eh?
End of the day why I should I care if these doctors and nurse have to put up with his antics. The one GP practice partner was firm with him but he doesnt care. The rest haven't. Its up to them if they want to run around and let him abuse the system.....
Part of the huge problem that is the NHS in the uk I'm afraid. Not enough resource for all the people taking when they don't need.
Of course, one thing he hasn't thought of is they won't come when hes genuine now. Last ambulance came next day. Its going to be serious one day and no=one is going to come. I'm prepared for that fact and would have no issue with emergency services if this happened.
I remember when mine had an accident one of his relatives said 'I love him, but he's the worst patient.' I didn't really understand what she meant until I saw how dramatic he was about every little thing. Some of them love the drama and the supply from being fussed over by multiple caregivers, so they'll happily talk about their ailments.
Went to visit Dad today. Told me how he'd been SOOOO ILLL and can't breathe hardly.... Honestly...
People who can't breathe generally don't give you demos of how they can't breathe.
My grandmother, who was undoubtedly PD, was dying for the last forty years of her life! She actually died on her 101st birthday.
She was nuts but I do miss her.
My uBPD/NPD grandmother had hypochondria, along with very bad hording, but it turned out after she died that at least some of what we called hypochondria was manipulation and huge lies. She went to the doctor all the time, allllll the time, and used this sadly as an excuse to not do things, she had a phrase, my doctor won't let me. She used it to play the huge victim card, poor old me because I cannot do x or y, but YOU can so I hate you. That sort of thing.
Strangely when she had breast cancer she was really very impressive, didn't play a victim more than she genuinely was, it was so strange.
The worst thing she did was claim she was dying of incurable bone cancer, so everyone thought she was very ill. When she died her medical records had no record of this. I presume therefore that it was a complete fabrication. She did not have cancer when she died in any form.
They really are batshit crazy.
Argh, yes. Not so much hypochondria with my grandmother but refusing to follow any doctor's advice but Dr Herself. And a fair amount I'm sure is outdated. It's a good thing my mom's her primary caretaker as I would have dropped the rope years ago with her antics. No made up stuff (yet) but I'm sure if she had internet access that would be different.
Dads latest is hayfever. I think hes got it. Waited a week to get a doctor appt so he could get the tablets for FREE instead of 99p over the counter. Really...
Hes moaning like hes dying now. Its hayfever. ITs not nice but there are people dying of cancer and Covid at the moment....
Hes like a baby most of the time...
Quote from: p123 on February 21, 2020, 05:03:20 AM
Quote from: Andeza on February 20, 2020, 12:19:22 PM
"He'll never change."
Sad, but true of most of our disordered people. Good luck
why I should I care if these doctors and nurse have to put up with his antics
IMO you care because you are a kind non pd person who knows how trying it is to deal with your F's psychological abuse. You have empathy for the doctors and nurses. That is not an issue.
IME you would better serve yourself to ask 'why would I expect my dad to change his behavior just because I dont want the doctors and nurses have to put up with him?'
IME If we have a problem with someones behavior it only becomes an issue if we expect someone to change their behavior because we have a problem with it.
My uNPD mom is a hypochondriac, and anytime anything is going on with her, she tries to convince me it's happening to me, too. She self-diagnoses herself with all kinds of things and then takes supplements/herbs to fix them. After doing this for years, she ended up having incredibly high levels of some vitamin in her blood that made a doctor think she had cancer-- but it turned out that she was just taking 3 different supplements containing that vitamin. But she still tells people that she has "naturally" high levels of this vitamin that scared the doctors.
She has a strange habit of deciding she has a problem as soon as I have a symptom of it. I got hives once last year; she now has chronic hives. I was diagnosed with rosacea (that I control by carefully avoiding certain irritants); she now spends $1000s of dollars a year on specialized prescription treatments for her rosacea. A few winters ago my doctor caught a vitamin D deficiency that I corrected by taking OTC supplements for a few weeks; she now takes expensive prescription vitamin D supplements year round. As a kid, I can remember our entire house shutting down for the day and cancelling plans because she was constipated or hung over, which were always borderline medical emergencies instead of just inconveniences. She's also convinced she has lupus but will not see a doctor about it. She just tells people she has lupus.
I can definitely vouch for my husband who has Mixed Personality Disorder, having total Hypochondria as he is always telling me how he is dying, won't wake up in the morning, sleeps all the time, tells me he thinks he has PTSD brought on by my years of abuse, when he is the one who is abusing me, thinks he has MND, Parkinson's Disease, and the list goes on! When I suggest he phones his GP and speaks to him/her he tells me no, that they can't do anything and they don't care as he feels the last GP didn't care about him because she clearly wasn't all over him like a rash and he doesn't get that there are other patients in the surgery rather than just him! I used to feel a lot of sympathy for him, but now I just see it as attention seeking and don't give him any reason to think I'm concerned as this only makes him worse I feel. He is certainly fine and nothing wrong with him when he is in the midst of a tirade of abuse towards me! :no: