Has anyone read "when parents have problems: A book for teens and older children who have a disturbed or difficult parent"?
My local library doesn't have it.
I'm trying to find some resources for DS, so he knows he's not alone, and so he can have some tools to help him feel empowered when dealing with his dad.
Does anyone have a book they'd recommend for an older teen?
If it helps, stbx has been dx bipolar, but I believe he is BPD/NPD.
Thanks in advance.
wh
I've never heard about it. It looks like it was written in 1995 then updated in 2012 so it may be dated but then again, it may be a really good read. It seems a bit heavy handed in the title too. I'm thinking maybe you should get this book and read it and then see what you can apply and give to your son. Maybe even making copies of chapters etc depending on how much he reads. Since there seems to be so little written it would be great to hear what you think and then it can be a resource for us here.
I've only read adult books, like the understanding the borderline mother (by Christine Lawson I think). That was heavy. And Dr Craig Malkin's Rethinking Narcissism (I think there's two versions, but not sure on the difference). His mother had narcissistic traits (or was NPD, I can't remember for sure). Lost in the Mirror: an Inside Look at BPD by Richard Moskovitz. 5 Types of people who can ruin your life by Bill Eddy. And Reinventing your Life (on "lifetrap" theory, which is a spinoff of schema therapy and a bit of CBT) by Young and Klosko. That's more a self-help book, but says how we get stuck in certain thought patterns becasue of our childhood. I don't think they would be good for teens, but they've helped me deal with and understand BM and my own mother. Maybe keep them in your back pocket for now for when DS gets a little older.
If I come across any good teen ones, i will be sure to share.
My eldest is now 22 and has taken college classes where they discuss personality disorders. It's interesting and kinda odd to have a child discussing PDs with me in a more academic way. Her Dad and former step dad, numerous friends, coaches have PDs or traits of them so at about 15 she came home from practice and said her coach was crying (victim) today just like her Dad used to. :aaauuugh: I was shocked she made that connection as the coach was female and playing victim to the team because she had gotten caught abusing kids and stealing money.
Some kids get it earlier than others for sure and I don't think either of my D's would have read a book about PDs but by the time they were teens they had basically gone NC with their PD Dad so mostly they were dealing with the threat of him returning and not with the day to day dealing of his behaviors.
Another younger person that used to babysit for me and I think of as one of my kids has an alcoholic BPD mother who was continually taking advantage of her including taking her money and telling her she did not deserve to get a college education past an associates degree. At one point I handed her a copy of "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques ..." and said, "hey kid, you need to get your own separate bank account and read this. Then hide the book from your mom. " She totally appreciated it. Not everyone can appreciate it but that book was written very clearly and the author has a good handle on the manipulation techniques of BPD which it sounds like part of what your ex is doing with your DS.