I've been married for 20 years. I just became aware that my H may be uBPD. I assume there's a spectrum as he's not "crazy" all the time (or I wouldn't have survived this long). Let week was a good week. However, there are these circular conversations. The same topic comes up over and over again. This has been a pattern throughout our whole marriage.
The current topic of choice came up Tuesday morning. He's apparently had a bad night's sleep with dreams that reminded him of the topic. (Some days, it seems that everything I say reminds him of the topic!). So he vented for awhile.
I think maybe I've been doing MC for a long time without knowing about MC. However, I often just stare at him when he goes on and on. Sometimes he "demands" a response. The other day, he just sort of wore himself out talking. I guess he just needed to process it. But to be in a relationship, I'd love to be able to have conversations.
This stuff isn't going to go away, is it? (I don't mean the BPD, but maybe I do). This getting stuck on a topic, usually something he's trying to get me to do differently. He's like a dog with a bone.
As I am, today, committed to staying in, I am looking for positive ways you deal with similar situations.
Thanks!
In all the decades I was with my NPDh I don't remember a real conversation, ever. He monogued, ranted, explained, clarified, accused, and interrogated. We fought. I said something, was interrupted and corrected until I said no more.
I found that medium chill, non-jade, and grey rock resulted in a calmer, more pleasant home environment. Giving up the hope for true intimacy also made me less frustrated and contributed greatly to a more relaxed home. I found serenity and emotional closeness with friends.
Good luck with whatever will work for you!
Thanks for your experience, notrightinthehead. I struggle with accepting the way things are. Hitting my head against the proverbial wall. Hoping there is something I can do or say that will cause some enlightenment on his part. I feel sad today and I think that's appropriate as I keep coming to terms with what it means to be in a relationship with someone with a PD.
This is a long shot but does he have any OCD symptoms?