Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Dealing with PD Parents => Topic started by: BuzzyBee on September 12, 2020, 11:47:21 PM

Title: Crazy Making
Post by: BuzzyBee on September 12, 2020, 11:47:21 PM
Ugh. It happened again..... My head hurts.  :stars: My cousin's daughter turned 2 today... I already RSVP'd yes to her birthday party. It was in a public place, my mother wouldn't be there only 2 flying monkey aunts but they're ok in small doses usually...

Well I walked in with DH and children in tow and was fine. I walked up to FMaunt1 and she turns to me and says extremely rudely "WHY DIDNT YOU ANSWER MY TEXT?! I DONT FEEL GOOD AND WANTED YOU TO BRING MY GIFT SO I DIDNT HAVE TO!"

I was so taken aback... all she said at 8:30 PM the night before is "Are you going to your cousins party tomorrow..." ....Where on earth did it say that she was sick and wanted me to bring her gift in that sentence... It was 8:30 PM on a Friday and I was busy, and have 2 kids... thay text didn't cross my mind as even remotely important because I already RSVP'd clearly yes online on social media....

Anyways I explained that I was busy... I have 2 kids... I had no idea... started feeling that I should apologize and even did. She said "well i couldve used someone to hitch a ride with or take my stuff.. Why didn't you answer me today you saw my text surely your not THAT BUSY.. " Then she got teary eyed after chewing me out. I wanted to cry. I wanted to go home. I tried not to make a scene for the sake of everyone. I sat in a chair away from her, I could hardly enjoy myself or my children, I was afraid to go back over there.  No one heard her or saw this except my DH who just left it alone. I talked to him once we had a minute and he confirmed that she was wrong for that. He had to be with DS1 while I kept DS2 so it was hard to really talk about it since my son was running around everywhere.

FMaunt1 caught me in the restroom later changing my son. She tried to act like nothing was wrong and I told her she didn't have to scold me like she did. She apologized and said she didn't mean it like that.... At this point there was no need to perpetuate the issue so I tried to just let it go the best i could.

I knew something was going to happen there just sad it did and as always it was only me singled out for doing absolutely nothing wrong once again....  :stars:

I dont need to be around these people, I hate the way they make me feel about nothing.... i just need to stay far far away.

Its not my problem you can't communicate clearly to me before 8:30 PM the night before the party. If you wouldve asked me like an adult I probably could've helped... But your little vague texts don't get the message across.  But oh yes its my fault! The nerve....
Title: Re: Crazy Making
Post by: Thru the Rain on September 13, 2020, 12:17:58 AM
If she didn't feel good, why was she at the party? Especially with the whole covid-19 situation, we're told continuously to stay home if we're sick?!

She could have mailed a gift or given it later? But instead she decided to join a gathering of people, knowing she didn't feel well. And on top of that she chews you out? Shame on her.

And I agree there is no way you would have known all her many expectations if she didn't communicate them to you? How hard would it be for her to text "Are you going to the party? If so, can you pick up my gift since I don't feel well enough to attend?" Were her fingers broken so she could only eek out the first sentence?

Your title says it all "Crazy making"
Title: Re: Crazy Making
Post by: BuzzyBee on September 13, 2020, 01:03:40 AM
Yes you are so right about COVID! I honestly get so worked up when they confront me I don't even think clearly. You are absolutely right she shouldn't have been there 💯.

"Were her fingers broken so she could only eek out the first sentence?"

This made me LOL ^^

You are so right. I'm so used to being invalidated by them, thank you so much for putting it into context.

I also need to add, that this aunt is a drinker. She normally uses my mother as her "uber" to drive her around and perhaps she wanted me to fill in for her, but by all means I had no idea that was her plan. She has a husband and a son, who she threw in my face her son was going to help her since I "didn't answer her." Well ok... I figured between her husband and son they would've had it squared away...... why drag me into it!

And yes please stay home if you're sick!!! (although I didn't really buy it.. she did mention she was feeling "off balance" after she apologized. Of course my need to please these people I told her we could take her home but she insisted her son was helping.)

Crazy making indeed!
Title: Re: Crazy Making
Post by: nanotech on September 13, 2020, 09:27:43 PM
I hope youíre ok. How upsetting for you?
Iíve had similar happen, at a funeral of all places.
I know how tricky it is when you have young kids, and also at the party you are so busy watching them you donít get a chance really, to stand up for yourself for.

You wrote;

ď I tried not to make a scene for the sake of everyone.Ē

Iíve lost count of the number of times Iíve had to just sit there, because it would be rude to the host to speak up or to leave.

This was me when in the FOG. 

The last time Dad tried shaming me in public  it backfired. I just donít care these days. So I just walked off from FOO. They all expected me to sit with them, but I sat with extended family and laughed and joked. My dad was angry because heíd decided heíd needed a lift  last minute, and he couldnít get hold of me, then when he did get to speak to me ( me and FOC were in the car by then I was passenger not driving) I said NO.

They use public events like this to use and abuse, or if they donít get their way, to throw insults, then they rely on our good nature not to be challenged.