could procrastination be a result of growing up in a chaotic family?
did the tax extension form this year & taxes are due soon & just can't get started
this covid thing & not being able to do normal things has me plain worn out
taxes are my job so can't ask husband
I've always done them & he only checks my math
how do I get motivated?
this procrastination is something I do need to work on as taxes aren't the only thing I put off
anyone else a procrastinator?
I have been reading a lot about how procrastination is a form of anxiety.
I grew up on a chaotic house and projects etc. were never finished. I'm a terrible procrastinator and I tend to go in to things 100% but rarely finish anything. I started painting my living room in May. I only finished this weekend. I lived for months with half painted trim and painters tape all over. It took just under two hours to finish vs starring at it everyday and being stressed for months.
I'm working on finishing small things now. One of my big issues is I never open mail. It's so silly. So now I'm working on that. I out off the most ridiculous things then I spend all this time thinking and stressing about how I should be starting them.
thanks for your input GettingOOTF
didn't know procrastination was a sign of anxiety
thought maybe it could be a sign of perfectionism
takes a lot of time & effort to do things perfectly so I'll do that tomorrow....
Quote from: Jolie40 on October 03, 2020, 05:16:46 PM
could procrastination be a result of growing up in a chaotic family?
did the tax extension form this year & taxes are due soon & just can't get started
this covid thing & not being able to do normal things has me plain worn out
taxes are my job so can't ask husband
I've always done them & he only checks my math
how do I get motivated?
this procrastination is something I do need to work on as taxes aren't the only thing I put off
anyone else a procrastinator?
GettingOOTF answered your question. I have had episodes of procrastination and sometimes still do with things that I have less interest in that I can compare with you putting off the taxes.
I noticed that I procrastinate when I am not feeling good about myself, that I am just not in a good place in mentally.
Everything seems to be a burden.
I have two projects that I started years ago that I put aside because I was coming Out of the FOG. I will be finally getting them started with the winter months coming.
I wanted to add that my anxiety which always appeared in physical symptoms such as migraines or headaches, nausea and a new one added to my list irritable bowel syndrome which I only got after NF died having deal with NM.etc has lowered to practically none.
If I do get these, I know that something is bothering me, meanwhile I still have a form of anxiety that has been with me since my teens having to be on red alert all the time growning up «walking on eggshells».
I am hyperactive. This is what I have to work on cause I can't sit still for very long. This is verrrrrry hard. I do excercise, have all my life, it's a part of me. Another reason to procrastinate on important things or projects that take concentration.
I'm sure this would be another subject altogether. We are three hyperactive kids out of four. :(
Apparently Perfectionism is actually a form of procrastination. It's amazing how these things are all connected. Nothing exists in a vacuum.
Once I started doing the inner work I leaned so much about myself and what I thought were simply the way things were about me.
For me I've found taking tiny steps to be the most effective. Slowly training myself to react in different ways. We really can retain our brain, the issue is that it doesn't what to be retrained so it really talked a lot for someone to make these changes. This is why things like addictions are so hard to over come.
How would you train your brain to no longer procrastinate?
I think my issue with procrastination is perfectionism/anxiety related for sure.
yes!
city taxes got mailed in time (they have a penalty if late)
still need to do federal & state
GettingOOTF
interesting perfectionism is a form of procrastination
Mmmm..... I know this one too. Tasks that take twenty minutes, put off for weeks/months. Incurring increased costs because of lateness. Hassle. Looking at the pile of paperwork squatting like a toad (apologies to Philip Larkin) Always manyana.
Is it an aspect of depression? A lack of self worth? Demand avoidance? A deficit of executive function? I really don't know but it's a problem.
So, my question is, who here has got a grip on their procrastination? Enlightenment gratefully received 😁
maybe someone has hints to deal with procrastination?
it is a problem not just for people on this forum but people in general
for me, it's PPP (paperwork problems period)
any type of paperwork so maybe why I put off taxes
The way to stop procrastinating is to do the things you are avoiding until you train your brain there is no reason to avoid them.
For me I had to realize that some things I would never want to do so I had to just suck it up and do them. I had to stop expecting things to be easy and enjoyable. Some things simply aren’t for me but doing them is easier in the long run than not.
Like all the issues people bring here the underlying causes are complex and there is no simple solution. The only solution is to do the work and in the short term doing the work really sucks which is why we are all avoiding it.
that makes sense Out of the FOG
I'm a person that likes to do fun things
and taxes no fun at all, lol
Quote from: blacksheep7 on October 04, 2020, 11:21:11 AM
I am hyperactive. This is what I have to work on cause I can't sit still for very long. This is verrrrrry hard. I do excercise, have all my life, it's a part of me. Another reason to procrastinate on important things or projects that take concentration.
I'm sure this would be another subject altogether. We are three hyperactive kids out of four. :(
This quote just struck me. If you've done lots of therapy already then maybe you'll have already ruled this out, but have you ever been tested for ADHD?
PD's often have other comorbid heritable mental health conditions. You may have dodged the PD bullet (as far as having it yourself) but there might be something else going on that you could come at from a different direction.
Just the hyperactivity, and family hyperactivity and specifically procrastinating tasks that require concentration. It could all be total coincidence, but those are big red flags for ADHD.
I got this challenge. If u give me a task to do I will do it but I won't do mine. This boils down to self love, putting others first, Also I read the book "The Four Tendencies" So those with Obligator tendency tend to look for motivation outwards. Also as an empath and HSP i had been absorbing my mom's negativity. I'm work in progress. A few tasks are happening. Not all yet.
I procrastinate, too. Haven't got a full handle on it, but am chipping away and working to change. The roots probably lie in a habitual sense of worthlessness and hopelessness that has been passed down to me through generations. Getting things done = self care. And there's a deep ambivalence about valuing myself and my time that highly. It's also the path of least resistance.
What always does work for me is the timer trick. I set a timer for twenty minutes (or whatever unit makes sense), and commit to the task at hand until the buzzer goes off. That gives it a manageable beginning and end, and I am less prone to giving in to distractions.
When I can run my whole day that way, it is almost exhilarating and very satisfying. It changes my whole outlook on life. I need to do that more often.
A tidying up trick I think I got from Flylady is this: Pick up 24 items, and put them where they belong. Count 24. This works for desk, rooms, car, etc.... Takes just minutes, and very effective.
This one actually works for me, and I do it all the time.
good ideas Amedee
if only they could get me to do taxes
heard on news that addresses for mailing stimulus check are taken from 2019 taxes
(I have not done 2019 fed/state taxes yet)
told husband & he said we threw that $ away
hopefully, there is SOME way to still get the stimulus check!?
Mamu
I'm an empath, too
in college, a classmate was describing an accident she'd been in yrs ago
could feel & identify with her pain & I started crying even with several other classmates around
For many things a since of perfectionism comtributes to procrastinating on certain projects /tasks. Additionally I seem to want to start something and work until its done. If that gets derailed I have a hard time getting my momentum again.
To this end looking at ways to break larger projects and tasks into smaller chunks I can master in one time block.
Planning thede blocks if time is now a first chunck for me.
Taxes might look like this.
Planning info gathering. What will I need to gather.... make a list. What are deadlines for each part ... mark calendar. Wuat phone numbers and addresses will I need look those up add to list.
Gather and sort related papers, find and print forms, make related calls.
Read related forms start filling out. Make related calls do research, or start online filing process.
Continue blocks of time as needed.
For me part of the anxiety is getting in the middle amd needing something or being asked a question or detail I cannot or am too unprepared or disorganized to answer. Starting woth the brainstorming over what I need and then gatjering it before starting releaves this to a large extent.
Identifying what the primary trigger or related emotional baggage or insecurity etc and working ti address that helps me face stuff instead of putting it off.
Also I realize I developed anxiety based on false expectations. I think that being in a somewhat dysfuctional home and having a narc brother and being teased alot at home akd bullied at school gave the impression that everyone comes by things easier than I do, yet as I got older I saw that sucessful people emply the very tools that I was made to believe were crutches. Calendars, lists, organizers, reminders, delegating, outsourcing etc. were all seen as supports and weaknesses in my younger years. Time management was seen as being controlled, not as the budgeting of a limited resource that would allow me to be in control.
I guess my family/class culture was a bit of a mismatch for my adult life and it took longer than it should have for me to figure it out.
Hi Jolie40, procrastination most definitely is the result of chaotic family environment / toxicity / abuse, etc.
Procrastination was the thing that first brought me to therapy.
I'd never have started discovering that my family was basically toxic if it hand't been for that.
I always thought that there was something terribly wrong with me, but I learned that this is normal behaviour for people in my situation.
I'm slowly getting better - it's very encouraging.
People are talking about bottom-up strategies, like scheduling, small steps, calendars and techniques, these are all very useful and important and I use them too, of course.
I wanted to add, don't forget about the top-down stuff that also contributes - so rather than practical day-today stuff, also ask yourself some questions:
-why do you want to get your work done? - if it's just because you have to do stuff or need please the people around you and there's nothing there that's innately fulfilling for you, then that's the real problem. You need something meaningful to look forward to, and you need to enjoy at least some of the work you're doing.
-why do daily tasks seem so pointless/onerous and why do you avoid them? what beliefs do you have about getting work done? how could you change those? I used to believe that housework was to be resented because my M did, and so sharing that resentment was a way to maintain a bond with her. But it meant I was living in chaos, refusing to fulfil my obligations and organise my home life! I actually don't mind cleaning etc now, when I think about how it's necessary and helping me live a comfortable life and accomplish other, more important things.
-do you believe you have a purpose here on earth? something to contribute? are you contributing in this way regularly, or moving towards learning the skills you need to contribute this way? or if you don't know what your way of contributing is, are you at least trying new things regularly to see what you enjoy, what you find meaningful, and what you don't? what are your strengths and weaknesses? likes and dislikes? does your work/hobbies reflect that at all? if not, you'll run out of motivation very quickly. motivation is not an innate quality, but a tank that fills when we do things we like. There should be enough fuel in there to get you through the necessary things you don't like, provided it's getting regularly replenished.
thanks for your long replies 1footouttadefog & Oscen
got 2020 taxes done on time this year!
however, the 2019 fed/state not done yet :stars:
bought & sold house so knowing those taxes will be more complicated has me STILL procrastinating
recently, woke up to "taxes" signs all over house
every time I turned around, found another sign, lol
did promise husband will do by end of summer
Oscen,
those are good questions to reflect on!
I worked a number of jobs before becoming sahm
sahm felt the most important & I relished those young toddler years spending the whole day with child having fun since "play is a child's work"
now child is growing & needs me less so my imp. purpose is disappearing
also, we lost our dog last year
miss dog in our life & caring for elderly dog
starting to feel aimless...
like no one needs me anymore
I liked being needed
Quote from: Jolie40 on July 09, 2021, 02:20:07 PM
starting to feel aimless...
like no one needs me anymore
I liked being needed
Aww, don't we all!
Thinking about needs and feeling needed, I love this quote:
"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."