Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Dealing with PD Parents => Topic started by: IRedW77 on December 07, 2020, 03:04:36 AM

Title: Fleeting Interests and Obsessions: Nature or Nurture?
Post by: IRedW77 on December 07, 2020, 03:04:36 AM
So, my BPD mother has spent my entire life cycling through interests, beliefs, and curatives. As a child she dragged me through all of them with her. Whatever new medical thing sheíd decided was wrong with her was also wrong with me. Iíve had tons of unnecessary western and eastern medicine thrust upon me.

She still tells me about whatever the latest and greatest thing is and tells me I should try it out or get tested for it or whatever it is. I havenít gone along with any of it or even listened to any of it since I was a teenager.

Itís all her everything until the next thing arrives. Gee mom, howís that chocolate cake? The last time we saw you you were talking to the waitress like she was a 4 year old making sure there was no gluten in any of your food.

Itís not just health stuff, though that is a favorite of hers. Sheís been involved in pyramid schemes that were going to change her life. Sheís been a Unitarian, and a Congregationalist, and a Buddhist. Sheís had plans to sell her house and move to another state. Sheís had a million different get rich quick schemes. All of these things just run their course and are quickly forgotten.

What I want to ask all of you about is if any of you have experienced this and what effect it has had on you?

I know I get a bit of hypochondria and I see why. Iíll just spend a month every day wondering in the mirror if my hair is thinning. Or Iíll debate with myself endlessly whether my vision is changing. Or Iíll obsess over that pain in my knee. Iím always thinking about one (usually minor) ailment at any given time until something else takes itís place.

More alarming, or harder to manage anyway are my hobbies, pastimes, and interests. Iím fascinated by things at random and then just lose interest. I enjoy actives and then I just suddenly donít anymore. Iíll binge watch a series and absolutely love it and then not be able to watch the next season a year later. Or I just wonít finish it and will think about it often but never have the drive to go back to it.

Lately I feel like I have less and less control over this process and there are less and less things that I find myself wanting to do. Last night I fell asleep on the couch just staring at the ceiling because I didnít want to watch TV and nothing on my phone was of any interest.

I know I had these sorts of shifting interests and obsessions modeled for me as a child, but I donít understand whether this is something that comes from me, or whether Iím just reenacting someone elseís behaviors.
Title: Re: Fleeting Interests and Obsessions: Nature or Nurture?
Post by: Fortuna on December 09, 2020, 04:39:17 PM
As far as pastimes go, its okay to be a bit mercurial and have lots of different things. I cycle through a few different games, a few different crafting hobbies, more than a few book genres, occasionally get really into a specific kind of cooking/baking, or learning a language. I'm currently on my third run at trying to learn Spanish (Still can't follow a complete sentence spoken at normal speed and have to slog my way through first grade storybooks.) but I'm learning. I have a whole bunch of unfinished crafts, some of which I'm trying to get back to, but I might not ever and that's okay. One of these days I'll go back and start gaming everyday again, then I'll probably lose interest and go back to doing it a few months later. In my case the interest is usually cyclical. I'll get back to it eventually and still enjoy it.

If you find a new interest that supersedes the first one, that's great. It just means you tend to like learning/doing things broadly instead of deeply. However, If you find you have a complete lack of interest in things, as in anything you have enjoyed and there's nothing to replace it, check with your doctor as that might be a sign of depression.
Title: Re: Fleeting Interests and Obsessions: Nature or Nurture?
Post by: Hepatica on December 09, 2020, 06:21:28 PM
I think that there is so much to choose from it can get overwhelming. I am trying to check in and see if I actually like doing something and if not, letting it go. I really like writing and crocheting and so far these two are sticking and I pretty much do them daily - writing now for years. I also bake bread and like baking in general. Love hiking about 4 X a week now. Do want to learn Spanish as well. Someday....

I have an Aunt who sounds like your Mom, IRedw77. She always came to visit and was really excited by the latest fad and trend, new diets, latest fashionn, and the next visit it was something brand new. I realize now there was something pushy about her, like she knew best. But i think it was her trying to fill a large emptiness inside and the behaviour was addictive, like she had to fill an emptiness and once she tired of something, she moved on to the next "big" thing.

Try monitoring for the thing that stays, or returns. There's something there that's probably about your purpose or calling. Building joy and sense of purpose is something I'm really working on.

Right now, too we are in a weird state in the world, with Covid. My attention span has been pretty scattered. There's that as well.