Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Friends, Neighbors, Acquaintances and Coworkers => Topic started by: JollyJazz on December 10, 2020, 02:46:56 PM

Title: Coworker intrusiveness
Post by: JollyJazz on December 10, 2020, 02:46:56 PM
Hi All,

I've got a coworker that isn't very nice to me. I've posted about this person before: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=86391.0

She can be snippy and unpleasant, has said some pretty not nice things and in particular is very intrusive. Everytime I see her (a few times a week - she doesn't work full time) she peppers me with questions.

I'm pretty good at giving vague, non committal answers to her questions. She poked her nose into a project I was doing and suggested some additional tasks (unnecessary) for me in the team meeting. I just have this feeling that she's out to undermine me as much as she can to our boss.

Our boss is nice so in one way I think he'll be fair. But I still worry that she will wear away at my relationship with my boss by being negative to him about me. The other day she was asking about how often I meet with him!

We were also seconded to another team and I got on well with the other people in the team. And she said to our boss in our team meeting that everyone liked me and not her. It was so awkward and felt like a strange kind of pity play.

I get a yiccky spidey sense about her and just don't like being anywhere near her.

Anyway, so if anyone has any tips on avoiding nosy questions please let me know. Oh, and yes I'm documenting. Hopefully I won't need it, but you know how these things go.

Thanks for reading
Title: Re: Coworker intrusiveness
Post by: Thru the Rain on December 10, 2020, 03:23:41 PM
One thing that has worked very well for me in similar situations is to set up a regular habit of sending updates to my boss. Usually on Friday afternoons.

Nothing about the other person, just a summary of where projects stand and what remains to be completed, and maybe some short comments about how things are going overall. And in your specific situation maybe include tasks that were suggested by other people and why you did or didn't include those tasks. All very business-like and above board.

Then when your coworker starts to imply that your projects aren't going well, or you haven't done something, or says that you dismissed her suggestions out of hand - your boss will already have the communication from you. Even if he doesn't always read your updates, you can point back to them to add credibility to your "side" if it ever comes to an open fight with this coworker.

I have worked with similar "pot stirrers" in the past. They want drama and they don't care who they hurt in the process.

By being the one who is more organized, more rational and having a regular cadence of communication with your boss, you are putting your boss in a position to defend you on the spot if (when) this coworker starts making unfounded attacks on you and your work.
Title: Re: Coworker intrusiveness
Post by: JollyJazz on December 10, 2020, 03:37:42 PM
Hi Thru the rain,

Thanks for that! I like it, and as fate would have it, I was planning on sending my boss an update today 😊 I like it!

I really appreciate your suggestion.

There are lots of nice people at my work, people that collaborate, help each other out...

I don't understand people that just try to tear others down to make themselves feel better!