My uNBPDh still "has covid" and hasnt seen the kids in over a month despite being seen around town.
Anyway, one of our kids has a birthday coming up and stbx is asking what "we" are doing for it. When he first got out of rehab and we were just separated, I invited him to the house for our other child's birthday. I included him in a few other things and feel like I set a precedent. However, he has since gone back to rehab and has only seen the kids twice since Halloween...for just a couple of hours. We are now officially on the divorce train. I'm not in our family home anymore. I am NOT having him in my new house right now, and can certainly use covid. I'm just planning dinner with my kids. Maybe my mother. That's it. My mom especially is pressuring me to invite him. I totally get that the day is about her, but it isnt even a party. He is welcome to plan his own thing with her..if he can show he doesnt have covid.
I feel like I can justify not including him this time with quarantine and everything, but do I need to plan birthday parties with him included from here on out? Do you invite your ex (present covid issues aside)?
Why is your mother pressuring you to invite him? Are you living with her? Can you set a boundary there? Maybe thank her for her opinion and that as you know the situation better than her, you will make the final decision and expect her to respect your decision. Really. Nobody knows your situation better than you and you get to decide what you want to do.
In my situation it has worked best with my uNPD exH and I doing things seperately. And ds (now 14) prefers it that way.
Parallell parenting as much as possible is the way to go in my case.
AOD
Another vote for separate parties/celebrations. You do not have to host him in your home.
I think it's pretty common for a parenting plan to include a provision on birthdays, for example, alternate birthday years or the noncustodial parent gets some extra time around the birthday to celebrate the birthday. Hopefully in the future this issue will be more spelled out. But you're setting precedents now and I think it is smart to set the precedent that he is not to come to your new home.
My ex was never included in any celebrations. It was on him to do his own.
We never did joint birthdays. We each did our own thing. We did one joint celebration with BM for SD's graduation and it was so stressful and not worth it. I would never do it again.
Also it is your decision and not your mom's. Do what you feel is best.
The only reason to do something with the Ex is if you worry about your child spending time alone with him, IME.