I'm always interested to hear how everyone does self care.
I self care when I'm getting stressed, upset, down etc. I also try to set aside some time every Sunday for Self Care Sunday, even if it's just something small.
Here's my list of self care options I use
Paint my nails
Shape my nails
Have a shower
Wash my hair (sometimes looking after yourself means doing just that)
Put on some nice moisturiser
Brush my cat (he purrs and gets very cute and heart melting)
Watch something I enjoy
Play a game
Read a book
Make a cup of hot chocolate
Have a chocolate bar or a few pieces of chocolate, and practice mindfulness doing it
Brush my hair and do something different like plait it
Look up funny memes
Read a short story online
Listen to some music
Play an instrument
Cuddle a stuffed toy
Write
Cook something to eat
These are all dependant on my mood, low or high, what's been happening etc. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is just one thing.
What about y'all?
Hi Celestial Light - that is a great list!
I love to garden and dig in the dirt
hike nearby trails
light some candles
essential oil diffuser on full blast
bubble baths
make music
have coffee with a friend
bake
swim
watch a heartwarming movie
hang with my family
try and solve some riddles
to name a few. 🌸
I love gardening. Very restricted right now, but that'll be changing within a year or two.
Baking. This has doubled because of my pregnancy. (Which is going well so far.)
Window shopping. I rarely buy anything! I just like walking at the mall and looking at stuff.
I need to expand this list, but haven't had a lot of energy, or good weather, for doing more.
I don't feel like I do self care anymore. I do though it's just different. I enjoy making things so crafting is definitely one of my self care activities. I sew, knit and crochet. Making things if soothing. I do need to do what I used to do, which was take baths, read books, exercise regularly, eat healthy. I feel like I have left those by the wayside and instead often veg out on tv while surfing the web or Facebook. May be that's self care too?
TEA TEA and more TEA
we try to get out in the naturehood at least once a week and hike 2-3 miles
counted cross stitch
goat memes
Good question because it makes me think on it. I love to camp. Unpdh has to go, I have yet to learn to tow the equipment on my own, BUT when we are away, he is more preoccupied with surroundings, and I get some diversion. Keeping him distracted with stuff really helps my self care.
I make sure I am dressed, hair styled, make up applied sufficient for the day.
Nails manicured
hair cut colored or styled
sit with my dog and pet and play with her
take a walk
ride my bike by myself (this is hard to get away to do)
meet with a few other women once a week for spiritual food which he cannot attend
research issues that interest me and keep up with what does
find fun book to read that make me laugh
try to get on this site each day
since I feel often smothered, I look for ways to communicate without his knowledge or interference with friends and family. I actually wrote a hand written letter to our son and family in another state for the fun of it. I did not tell unpdh until I mailed it. He tries to get involved in anything I do.
take a "scenic" drive by myself sometimes in silence, sometimes with music going.
buy groceries I want to eat
cook what i want to eat and offer some to him if he wants
(i used to cook to please him. waste of time. always at least one criticism per meal. done with that, his loss.)
make my surroundings the colors and themes that please me as much as possible. (this can get costly so bargain hunting online is kind of fun too)
nature, nature, nature. fresh air for a minute or two takes the staleness of his behaviors away sometimes.
I also watch the time he spends in self absorbed video games. .when he stops working, or doing; I try to stop. why beat myself up or get resentful? I will just do what he does sometimes.
make sure i have a clean tidy house when I go to bed. I am often up first and it is welcoming to me to find things in order.
I buy myself fresh flowers as often as possible from the grocery.
I order a lot of things online and spend within reason. I love getting pkgs, even if it is laundry soap. Just fun for me.
I dig through old stuff, pictures etc. and reminisce in private.
this is probably not all but highlights
- Read very inspiring books
- Take a long bath
- Drink a glass of wine (usually while doing one of the above)
- Put on comfort music
- Make tea
- Binge watch a comfort show
- Cuddle bug with DH
- Create something new in the kitchen
- Create new playlist
- Repotting plants
- Garden stuff
- Clean up around kitchen while making coffee (the one "work chore" I try to consider me-love)
- Tiktok/meme-ing (and sending memes/TikToks to friends that make me think of them... sometimes strikes up a convo)
Finding new additions to the list....
Quote from: Breakthrough on March 25, 2021, 02:22:34 AM
I enjoy making things so crafting is definitely one of my self care activities. I sew, knit and crochet. Making things if soothing.
Same here. I can totally zone out when I'm making things with my hands. :thumbup:
I did enjoy a glass of wine, a Kahlua and cream, or even a single shot of cinnamon whiskey sipped slowly, but before getting pregnant. That particular small pleasure is on hold, of course.
Wanted to add, I watch videos online of gardening, canning, homesteading, etc. These help me keep my eyes on the prize.
I also find immense relaxation in watching ASMR videos. It's extremely calming for me, and helps me recharge my brain any time it's frazzled from two year old tantrums. :stars: Our terrible twos started more around 18 months though... Hope it ends sooner too! :Idunno:
Kahlua and cream! :yes: :yes: :yes:
Andeza.... ASMR?? (Jeez I feel old)
Enlighten me!
I engaged in self-care by making an appointment to receive the first dose of a COVID-19 vaccine. I didn't think I was eligible yet, but my primary care provider's office called me last week and left a message saying that I was on "the list" of people now eligible. I spent several days torturing myself about whether I should proceed even though in my mind, my health conditions don't seem serious enough to qualify me for the vaccine now. I felt kind of guilty about going ahead with getting the vaccine now. My family's and neighbor's opinions that I should proceed helped persuade me to make the appointment.
@BeautifulCrazy It's a genre of video on youtube. Some of it is absolutely ridiculous and silly as heck because creators were trying to get a slice of the pie, but there are really good videos nonetheless. ASMR refers to the little tingly sensation you get on your scalp or shoulders, for instance, when someone taps a pen on a table or some such. Most of the videos are whispered, or no talking at all, and even if you don't get the actual ASMR feeling, they're super relaxing to most. Heavy focus on personal attention, which after growing up with uBPDm, is particularly healing from certain artists who help focus on that child wound and focus on anxiety and insecurity. Not for everyone though. The videos annoy my poor DH for instance, so I keep them on headphones. Which, is actually a bonus because it improves the sound quality.
And it's only gotten popular in the last four years or so, so you're not behind!
My most important thing to do for self care is to surround myself with ... silence.
I work in 6 different primary schools, teaching children from grade 1 to 6. It's chaotic and very noisy. Schools are nothing like they were in my day!
I try to spend time refocusing my mind by isolating individual sounds and sights as I sit quietly. Different bird calls, leaves rustled by the breeze, a mower in a distant neighbour's yard etc.
Once I have calmed my mind by doing that, I pray.
Then there are candles, walks in nature, looking after my nails and skin, playing an instrument, reading etc.
And there's always chocolate...
AOD
Quote from: Associate of Daniel on March 26, 2021, 08:42:31 PM
My most important thing to do for self care is to surround myself with ... silence.
I work in 6 different primary schools, teaching children from grade 1 to 6. It's chaotic and very noisy. Schools are nothing like they were in my day!
I try to spend time refocusing my mind by isolating individual sounds and sights as I sit quietly. Different bird calls, leaves rustled by the breeze, a mower in a distant neighbour's yard etc.
Once I have calmed my mind by doing that, I pray.
Then there are candles, walks in nature, looking after my nails and skin, playing an instrument, reading etc.
And there's always chocolate...
AOD
I can imagine the chaos!
Where I met my ex was a primary school. Me in integration, he in IT. Some of those grade prep kids were better behaved than adults in my life, and yet others were like a tornado of ideas and chaos, but somehow too darn adorable to not like haha.
What instrument do you play? I took up a few in high school, and am teaching myself a few others. I currently have a full size digital piano set up in my bedroom (Worth $1k- was being thrown out still in the box by a charity so I consider myself very lucky!)
Mmm candles. I had a warm pumpkin cookies one on last night.
Chocolate is the best!
Quote from: Cat of the Canals on March 25, 2021, 06:48:47 PM
Quote from: Breakthrough on March 25, 2021, 02:22:34 AM
I enjoy making things so crafting is definitely one of my self care activities. I sew, knit and crochet. Making things if soothing.
Same here. I can totally zone out when I'm making things with my hands. :thumbup:
Thirded. Forget Netflix and chill, it's Netflix and crochet.
Atm, I'm making sensory enriching items for a friends snakes. I made a short jumper, got some patches going, and working on a longer jumper. Basically tunnels, but it's fun thinking of textures.
(I know, it's a bit weird haha)
Quote from: xredshoesx on March 25, 2021, 04:39:05 AM
TEA TEA and more TEA
we try to get out in the naturehood at least once a week and hike 2-3 miles
counted cross stitch
goat memes
I need to hear more about these goat memes please.
i live in a large very urban area and i'm obsessed with having a pet goat. so since it's not 100% legal yet in our neighborhood, i watch goat videos and google goat memes to post on social media.
Quote from: Breakthrough on March 25, 2021, 02:22:34 AMinstead often veg out on tv while surfing the web or Facebook. May be that's self care too?
depends because that sort of mindless activity is more often escapism so maybe explore if you're using that to escape facing a difficult situation - enneagram nine folks like me often call one another out on that as an unhealthy coping mechanism and caution not to get lost too long in it
Nature, hiking, camping, sitting in the grass, walking barefoot
Stretching and tuning in mindfully to movement
Card making and sometimes art like color pencils, graphite, mixed media
Tea - my latest craze is blue butterfly pea flower tea - just 2 flowers make the loveliest blue tea :)
Quote from: Spring Butterfly on March 28, 2021, 11:44:33 AM
Quote from: Breakthrough on March 25, 2021, 02:22:34 AMinstead often veg out on tv while surfing the web or Facebook. May be that's self care too?
depends because that sort of mindless activity is more often escapism so maybe explore if you're using that to escape facing a difficult situation - enneagram nine folks like me often call one another out on that as an unhealthy coping mechanism and caution not to get lost too long in it
It is definitely escapism, reading is for me too. I think it's a bad form of procrastination for me, which leads to the opposite of self care. I am not sure which enneagram I am, but as an INFJ, I do tend to live inside my head, and I definitely need to work on grounding myself more.
Thank you for saying this Breakthrough!
Reading is escapism for me too. "Read a book" is always on those self care lists. But I honestly think I read too much. Tension has been high the last month or so and I'm averaging a novel a day.
I'm working on getting back to:
Baking
Sewing
Walks
Yoga
Journaling
I'm also trying to count making doctors appointments, hair dresser, taking vitamins as self-care. But it doesn't feel like it to me.
Reading. That's an interesting one. As a form of escapism, it is certainly not harmful, especially if you choose excellent books. I see it more as a refuge. As a child I read constantly. I was a total library junkie as I just loved the safety and possibilities of the place. My mother didn't like me reading all the time "You're always reading" she would say with distaste. As if a child reading was a bad thing!!! It meant I wasn't giving her attention. It also meant that I am now phenomenally well read and am brilliant at pub quizzes!!!
Gosh, I'd read my eyes out if I could. Always. I LOVE reading. I never really thought of it like that.
I mean, I'll float and read, or sit out with the dogs and read, or....I just love to read!!!!
I like doing other things, too, like gardening and knitting and kayaking and baking and hiking with buddies.
I never thought of reading as a bad thing.
I like gaming, too, but I hardly EVER get to do it.
PUB QUIZZES once again I ❤ you!!! Also I always got the "you're always reading" or even "quit reading and go do something" wtf I wasn't bothering anybody! Reading quietly being still! I'd take my book and go somewhere out of sight and read there. Or ride my bike to the *gasp* LIBRARY!
I had to think about this carefully. Especially after reading replies considering 'escapism' vs. 'self care'. :whistling:
Some of my self care is now part of my daily routine (progress!) so it doesn't stand out as being self care anymore. Some of it is very intentional and still feels like work, so it hardly seems like self care either.
- Getting outside no matter the weather.Even if it is, literally, only stepping out the side door for a moment. My natural curiosity usually gets me around the corner to the back yard or around to the front to check the mail.
- Keeping spaces important to me tidy Three teenage boys. Things get messy. Choose battles. Remain sane. Let the rest go sometimes.
- Making good food choices for myself. It's a struggle as a working and homeschooling (pandemic) mom. I have to consciously put nourishing things in instead of eating what the kids don't. Or what's easiest. Or junk.
- Therapy. I have a therapist for C-PTSD for one on one therapy. She also has a C-PTSD group organized that I do weekly meets with and has an online chat support board.
I used to see a psychiatrist who specialized in trauma. When my sessions hit the max limit she set me up to continue seeing an affiliated counselor from her practice who does life- coaching style stuff. I love this because it is practical solutions and skill building without having to weekly revisit the trauma.
- Singing and dancing. Instant Joy. A bad day can be quickly turned around just by cranking up Billie Jean and dancing around the kitchen. When I had a rough day my very British mum made tea and toast. When my kids have a bad day, I pull up a playlist and we dance. (Unless a quiet snuggle sesh is what's required...)
- Church (weekly live stream at present) Singing. Belonging to community. Learning. Being reminded that others have these values too.
- Exercise. I hate it. It's work. I am not naturally disciplined. My lifestyle is really active and our whole house are athletes but I still have to take care of some body parts, so they don't slide, you know? And my doctor recently said I need to incorporate weight work to maintain bone density because I'm getting "older".
- Meditation. This was really really REALLY hard to do with any regularity. It took me years, no kidding, YEARS!, to incorporate successfully into my day. Now I do a little six phase meditation every morning before I do anything else. If for some reason I don't do it, I really notice the difference in my day.
- Reading this forum. I learn so much from everyone here and the tone is always positive and helpful. I love / hate reading the 'Working on Us' section. I've encountered some super uncomfortable truths there about myself there while reading others' soul-searing honesty. Yeah, I'm thinking of your posts, especially, Hopeful Spine. Your willingness to be visible, vulnerable and accountable astounds me. But there are so many others here who do that too. I can read without fear now that I've left my uOCPDh which is such a blessing.
- Doing or choosing things just because. Without catering to others. Because I can. Because I want to. Because it benefits me. Any one of those are reason enough. I don't have to justify it. I deserve good things too. I don't have to only cook what other people like. Sometimes saying NO to something fits into this category too.
Quote from: Breakthrough on March 29, 2021, 01:57:57 AM
Quote from: Spring Butterfly on March 28, 2021, 11:44:33 AM
Quote from: Breakthrough on March 25, 2021, 02:22:34 AMinstead often veg out on tv while surfing the web or Facebook. May be that's self care too?
depends because that sort of mindless activity is more often escapism so maybe explore if you're using that to escape facing a difficult situation - enneagram nine folks like me often call one another out on that as an unhealthy coping mechanism and caution not to get lost too long in it
It is definitely escapism, reading is for me too. I think it's a bad form of procrastination for me, which leads to the opposite of self care. I am not sure which enneagram I am, but as an INFJ, I do tend to live inside my head, and I definitely need to work on grounding myself more.
Something my psychologist told me: a little escapism can be a good thing. Sometimes you need a break from the real world, and reading a book is a good way to clear your head of the issue/s and focus on something else. Especially if your thoughts are spiralling.
However, it is like chocolate: good in moderation.
I escaped into books as a teen, even during class times, so the temptation is very strong for me, but I've learned to mix and match. Maybe instead of reading an entire book, I might read half, and do something else.
Before leaving my ex, I escaped for hours into fanfics. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism which I intend to not repeat in the future.
Also, my cat lets me know when it's food time. Tap tap tap...
Welp, guess it's time to add playing Animal Crossing to my list.
Wandering around doing island maintenance seems to help me switch my mind off to sleep, within half an hour...
I have started going back to friends' houses. This has resumed the awful PD behaviors associated with that.
Forgot about those.
I am also going to go back to the gym. My female coworker hasn't decided what to do with her membership; she has an important situation at home and she can't commit to going with me daily like we did in the Before Times. However, a male coworker who always goes, and used to see us there, has agreed to leave work at the same time and meet there so we can "be accountable" and talk through the plastic walls on the treadmills so it's less of a misery. Or on the rowers, or whatever.
Updh is going to lose his SH!T when he finds out I'm going with a male. WWIII.
Should I say nothing as long as possible, or casually out with it right away, or....? He will know I've been somewhere when I don't come home on time, and if I simply say I've been to the gym, he will say "With X?". I guess I can say "no, she can't commit" and drop it....but he WILL put the thumbscrews to me, it's his MO....
Heaven above, isn't this lovely, I'm just going to the blessed public GYM and it's like some kind of frigging covert ops...
I have figured out these things are self-care for me because i feel better when I do them and afterward.
online zumba classes
yoga
walking my dogs
talking to people when i walk my dogs (at a distance)
cup of tea or coffee
showering and caring about my appearance (not over the top - just the basics)
writing
painting when i've done it - very zen feeling - and a feeling of accomplishment when i'm finished
crocheting
walking in nature
swimming in nature
walking with a friend or tea with a friend (pre-covid)
watching this youtube site that's inspiring by this swedish woman named jonna jinton (reminds me how soothing nature is)
sometimes just a little road trip
browsing in a book store
sitting in a nice coffee shop (pre-covid)
I think one of the 'self care' thoughts I have is around realising my essential good motivation, but also accepting my imperfection. This is hard for me as I feel shame and distress if I am sometimes misunderstood, or my good intentions or integrity is questioned (INFJs dislike this) or if I make mistakes or struggle with the world in whatever way. I do seem to need a lot of time out to heal generally from everyday modern life. I live in a large seaside town in the UK but quite often dream about a quieter life somewhere, maybe on a Greek island (minus mosquitoes though pls!).
In the book "dear daughter of a narcissistic mother" by Danu morrigan I think there is an excellent page on this subject of accepting our imperfection p162:
" I know there is a huge strength in knowing it's okay to mess up, that it's part of being human, and it doesn't mean we are lesser people whenever we make mistakes"
It gave me a lot of freedom to realise and acknowledge this (after a recent psychodrama) and will photocopy that page and try and remind myself from time to time. "I tried" could be on my headstone but also "I tried and failed".
Hepatica I do like your Donaghue signature quote, I was looking for it the other day, but couldn't remember where I'd seen it.