Hi all, found this site after years of searching for a site like this. Been married to my wife for 15+ years who I strongly suspect suffers from BPD/NPD. She herself heavily abused by her NPD parent(s) when a child and continued in adulthood. I have always felt something isnt right, havent really been able to put my finger on it, remember those long walks in the beginning of our relationship where I was just wandering around wondering what was wrong. We then had kids, moved closer to her parents and then all hell started, I think I caugth fleas quite severley (only just learnt about this on this site). Got to one incident where I just woke up and said to myself, this is not me. Since then I have disassociated myself more and more from my wife and cant really stand her behaviours anymore. Started to read about NPD using various sites, watched youtube videos etc and had lightbulb moment afer lightbulb moment. Moved on to start reading about NPD victims, trauma bonding, cPTSD and recovery. I have now left her since 2 weeks, one day when she went out I just packed my bags with the most essential and left, have been sitting in a hotel since not knowing what to do. I have left 2 kids behind with her, I don't think there is any immidiate danger for them but obviously concerned.
She is now going through a massive love bombing campaign and victim campaign at the same time. It makes me feel both sick and confused at the same time. I know what she is doing and I know it will go back to how it was within days/weeks if I return. The other day she even found where I was staying, I was out, and she somehow managed to get in to my room leaving a love letter.
In the past she has threatened we with all sorts, she hates me, she wants to murder me, she wants to divorce me, she want me dead etc. But as soon as I leave (this isn't the first time) she does anything to get me back. Last time I fell for it as I just couldn't stay away from the kids any longer, I have no friends around where we live and with covid I haven't been able to see friends for a year.
Just wanted to say hi whilst figuring out my next steps. I am just sick of the verbal and sometime physical abuse, tired of the splitting, gas lighting, silent treatments and just the pure guessing what mood she is gonna be in today.
i am so sorry you are finding yourself at this crossroads in your marriage but glad that you have found us and are seeking out support and validation.
we are listening when you are ready to share more- the separating/ divorcing board may be a good place to start reading/networking.
I admire your guts. That sounds so hard.
Unbelievable that she entered your hotel room. Talk with management? I would be so on edge with that.