Two of my sisters are coming here to visit us. I am very happy and excited about this!
Thing is, we're going to be alone, H has to work and I'm going to take the afternoon off, and I know that this is the opportunity I have to tell them at least some of my story. I am very nervous about it and I think maybe I will chicken out.
I don't know what to say, how to start, do I start out by telling them a story about where my DD actually was while my dear M was in the hospital? Do I say that the Happy Mother's Day , you're such a great mom wishes I get from them are so very very undeserved? Do I say, hey, guys, let's listen to Dr. Ramini tell us about covert narcissism?
I have this habit of future worrying. I'm worried that H will come home from work, and they'll just have this look of horror on their faces, and I'll be all red- eyed, and he'll know I was telling them the truth. (well, making up lies to make him look bad, of course) I do think they'll be able to contain themselves, though.
I guess I just need some advice and maybe some cheering on. I need to do this.
I am not nervous that they won't believe me.
Why do you have to tell them during their visit ? Why not after. That way, there will be no awkward moments. I basically recently explained to my sisters the situation with my uNPDw by telephone.
I guess because they will both be here, one lives an hour away, and the other in another state.
I want to tell them both because truly, I haven't been able to choose who to talk to first! Isn't that a weird thing?
But the biggest thing is that I will be alone with them. This isn't an opportunity that I get often, and my phone calls are listened to. H is always looking over my shoulder.
Maybe go out to talk. A walk, the park, coffee. So you won't be caught by surprise and you can all be back to "normal" when it's "showtime."
I think it's important to share with those you can share with.
It was really a big weight off my shoulder after I told my sisters. Because before that, I had to always try to smoothen out my uNPDw s behavior in front of my sisters. Now that they know, they will not get shocked by her odd behavior. But the important thing to keep in mind is that your H cannot know that you have told them. Like Square said, you may want to talk about this away from the house in a coffee shop or park in case H has set-up some listening devices in the house,
Thank you guys, I will definitely talk while we're away from the house.
Just have to work up the courage...
I hope the conversation goes well. Telling my siblings and a few trustworthy friends about my then-husband's behavior has been very helpful to me.
It was definitely a difficult thing to work up the courage to have this conversation for the first time, I started with my Godmother. I chose her because I knew of her husband's past mental health struggles (bipolar), and felt like she would understand. I was shaking, and it took me 2 or 3 tries to actually dial her number. But once I was able to say it out loud, once I let it out, so much of the weight fell away. I hope that you will find the same relief in sharing with your sisters.
Good luck and go for it ! I chose my eldest sister as she had gone through a divorce from an abusive alcoholic ex-husband many years ago. She gave me some really good advice !
I have read all your replies, and they've given me some courage, although I still feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack. Maybe this is what years of covering up narc abuse causes. Self doubt and anxiety over telling your own story, what you know to be true.
Thanks, all!
And I'll let you know how it goes...
I didn't say anything.
Feeling very disappointed in myself and thinking that I probably won't ever. Thanks for your help
no worries. when the time is right it will come out of your mouth as smooth as butter. nothing needs to be forced. it was just not the right time. no need to be hard on yourself. it took me about 45 years to share what was really going on with my longest and best friend from childhood. She kind of knew already because she could see things were hard for me.
IMO we can easily see how others are handling these things and think 'why can't I do it that way?" my conclusion is that every person is unique and so are our circumstances. I feel bad that you had to go through all the anxiety feeling as if you HAD to do something you did not have to do at that moment.
I hope you enjoyed your sisters. I have no sisters and I feel like that would be an easy answer for me in life for so many things. Maybe not so. I wish you the best and I hope your anxiety has subsided to where you feel at peace for now. :bighug:
Thank you TOH. Your words made me cry.
Problem is, my internal voice is very loud, and very mean today.
I am so lucky to have the family I have. They love me, no matter what. I know that.
And I did have a great afternoon with my sisters!
There is always the e-mail when you're ready. Keep well
I'd keep such things out of emails.
But yes, you can do this when you're ready.