Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Co-parenting and Secondary Relationships => Topic started by: pushit on June 21, 2021, 01:26:26 AM

Title: The Kids See More Than We Think
Post by: pushit on June 21, 2021, 01:26:26 AM
I had a great moment on Father's Day today that I wanted to share with you all, it was a great reminder that no matter how hard it is to raise children with a PD ex, our efforts do make a difference.

On Father's Day I always get the sheets they fill out at daycare to describe their Dads and why they love them.  My Dad is "strong, funny, likes to drink Coke,  I love my Dad because" type of thing.  If you're a parent you know what I'm talking about.  It's always very sweet and amusing to read how my kids see me through their young eyes.

Today, my D8 presented me with the one she had filled out for this year's Father's Day.  Most of it was the usual great stuff, except for a couple of things that stood out.

These answers hit home with me:
My Dad always likes to say  - Believe in Yourself
I love my Dad because - He helps us through hard times

And of course, yesterday I was frustrated because I was working my way through some obvious manipulation of the kids and trying to calculate a response to my ex.  It was a rough day and I wasn't my best as a Dad.  Then, this morning my kids made me coffee and breakfast and presented their gifts to me.  Just reading what she wrote helped me center myself again.  It was a great reminder that even though you don't see a payoff that often, us "non" parents are extremely important to the kids. 

Little signs of hope like that are enough for me to soldier on.  Best of luck to all, stay strong!

Title: Re: The Kids See More Than We Think
Post by: Boat Babe on June 21, 2021, 04:55:12 AM
That brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for being a great dad.
Title: Re: The Kids See More Than We Think
Post by: athene1399 on June 21, 2021, 03:20:12 PM
This really warmed my heart, pushit. Thank you for sharing! Sometimes it feels like you are not making a difference, but little things like this make it all worth it. I am glad you were able to celebrate Fatherís Day a bit today.
Title: Re: The Kids See More Than We Think
Post by: Free2Bme on June 21, 2021, 09:55:32 PM
Awww....pushit, that's awesome.   :chestbump:  I'm glad you got this sweet affirmation, we all need that at times. 

Most of us here have experienced much loss and pain due to PD relationships. We work double-time to restore what has been broken. 

Some may not agree with me (and that's ok), but I think my experiences with PD have made me a better parent.  I wouldn't have scripted my life, marriage, family the way it has gone.  But I can be thankful for how I have grown as a person in spite of it all.

Keep being a great dad !
Title: Re: The Kids See More Than We Think
Post by: 11JB68 on June 21, 2021, 11:59:50 PM
 :like:
Title: Re: The Kids See More Than We Think
Post by: oak_tree on June 22, 2021, 09:31:59 AM
Thanks so much for sharing, pushit. Keep at it :)
Title: Re: The Kids See More Than We Think
Post by: pushit on June 23, 2021, 01:04:16 AM
Some may not agree with me (and that's ok), but I think my experiences with PD have made me a better parent.  I wouldn't have scripted my life, marriage, family the way it has gone.  But I can be thankful for how I have grown as a person in spite of it all.

I couldn't agree more.  I'm not only a better parent, I'm 10x the man I used to be.  It's been hell, but I feel like a much improved version of myself now that I've been through it.  I've tried to explain that to a few people close to me, they don't quite get it, but that's okay.  Stay Strong!
Title: Re: The Kids See More Than We Think
Post by: Latchkey on June 25, 2021, 07:46:02 PM
The title of this post is so true and I love the father's day note. Really awesome.

The kids really do see more, and as a kid therapist told me years ago with my older kids, as the non PD parent you are kind of like the health food for the kids and the PD parent is often the junk food. They may get a rush and feel happy when the PD parent is fun and suddenly MOTY (mother of the year) but it is you they will come back to for stability and for "reality"

My DS10 may not tell me things right when he comes back from his PD Dad's house for the weekend but eventually it comes out and they do see so much and take in way more than you think.