Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Friends, Neighbors, Acquaintances and Coworkers => Topic started by: Latchkey on July 06, 2021, 03:07:42 PM

Title: WFH has given me a break from the PDs, and I don't want to go back to the office
Post by: Latchkey on July 06, 2021, 03:07:42 PM
I'm in a situation where I can work from home and have the option to return to work as I am able or wish to. I've realized this 16 month break from having to see the PDs in my office has been healing and has given me a needed break. Slowly, I am sensing that my PD boss and his enabling assistant is trying to get us back into the office and though I am not under real pressure to go, there is a sense that I "should" be back in at least a few hours a week.
Truth is, the thought of seeing my PD Boss and assorted co-workers is triggering me pretty badly.

Before the pandemic I wanted to do everything I could to find another job. I am still of that mind set but I also like and truly need the wfh as my solid child care options have gone away since COVID as well. (alternative is to increase time for my DS10 with his PD Dad and PD step mom when not in school)

I have a fairly easy workload but am conflicted and second guessing myself on my need to remain, to leave, to go back in for a day or a few hours, or just keep it status quo. I will continue searching for another remote job which is a stressor in itself but the truth is too, the easier WFH job is the one filled with PDs and has allowed my to really grow my freelance business.  :stars:

Wondering if anyone else her is also in this situation, where WFH was a way to escape the physical presence of the PDs at work and don't want to return?
Title: Re: WFH has given me a break from the PDs, and I don't want to go back to the office
Post by: Blueberry Pancakes on July 13, 2021, 07:50:30 PM
Totally agree these past 16 months has given me a free pass to avoid the physical presence of PDs at work and no way do I ever feel like I will want to return.   
I did not know how difficult it was to see them each day until the lockdown began. It was immediate relief. They still find ways to maneuver, but not having to look at them and just being able to roll my eyes during a call has been a small blessing.
Title: Re: WFH has given me a break from the PDs, and I don't want to go back to the office
Post by: D. on July 15, 2021, 02:17:41 PM
I hear you.  I have very much enjoyed the reduced contact w/PDs at work during the pandemic, and am feeling the stress of people returning to the office.  Through my healing journey I have found there is a balance between first the need to learn how to cope with PD behavior and the those related skills I need to learn for personal growth. Second, the need to protect myself and be in an environment where I thrive.  I personally found a job with limited in-person contact with people.  I very seldom have co-workers or a boss in my office.   Pays less than previous jobs, but worth it to me.
Title: Re: WFH has given me a break from the PDs, and I don't want to go back to the office
Post by: Latchkey on July 17, 2021, 03:08:29 PM
Thank you D. and Blueberry Pancakes for your responses. I knew I could not be alone in this!!! I'm glad that both of you have found ways to protect yourself.

There is so much mostly useless imho back and forth on why people do or don't want to return to the office but little really discusses the problems with being in physical proximity with a PD.  Before lockdown, I made sure not to let him come in and close the door to my office after so many triggering conversations with him "behind closed doors". Also, I refused to be there later after 5 when he was there and generally was keeping 6 foot distance before it was fashionable...

Yes, it goes both ways I realize too. For everyone like me who does not want to return to the workplace toxicity, there are probably double who've been literally trapped at home with a PD and very much want or need to return.

I ended up talking to my PD boss last week on another matter. He started to press me on days and times I was willing to come back in and pushing for me to give details. I refused to JADE and just said, I am planning to put in a couple mornings a week once school goes back in late August or September but I am not going to commit to more.

When pressed again, I asked him, Why? Why do I need to return. Why do others that I oversee need to return if they are functioning fine at home and doing great work.

He couldn't give me a reason. He said he wanted us all in the office for more regular company meetings. Yet, he can't manage to coordinate them remotely. I've done it all and mostly he talks so much nothing gets done. And we've not had one in 6 months.

He says we collaborate better, and more productive yadda yadda, yet he is also concerned about all of us being in proximity and he usually shows up to work around 4:30 at the end of everyone's work day.

And did I mention he usually will not answer emails, texts or even calls unless the spirit moves him. Then it is usually out of order and days later.  :stars:

Without going into more boring detail, all his arguments are really more "feelings equal facts" and I refuse to let him bully me or my direct reports into coming back without a valid reason.
I also told him that bullying/coaxing via proxy- having his admin assistant try to make reasons for one employee in particular who is incredibly productive, kind, and trustworthy  and unwilling to come back due to many concerns back in- is causing resentment.

At any rate, I am glad I stood my ground and glad I am able to keep distance for now.

The more I write, the more it makes me realize I need an exit plan for a solid remote WFH job and if that doesn't happen to really stick to an abbreviated hybrid schedule for my own sanity.