Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Dealing with PD Parents => Topic started by: Snico on July 16, 2021, 07:46:04 PM

Title: My Mom has BP and Parkinson's. No contact for 4 months after my Father's death.
Post by: Snico on July 16, 2021, 07:46:04 PM
Hi, I'm new to this forum so I'll just introduce myself/situation. I"m 38 and married with two great step daughters. My Mom (73yo) has BP and Parkinson's. She was diagnosed with Parkinson's last year and BP when I was 5. It's been an extremely wild and toxic ride. There were many suicide attempts since I was born including a couple with me in the car as a child.

My father (92yo) died at the end of March after a long battle with dementia. I'm an only child. I took care of both my Mom and Dad for years, but especially the last couple since they were both incapacitated at the same time last year. It was hell, all brought on by my Mom.

Last March, at the beginning of the Covid outbreak, my Mom one morning presented with signs of a stroke. She was hospitalized for 4 days and the Drs' couldn't find anything wrong but treated it as a TIA or mini stoke. I had to get home nurses and extra help since she was now wheel chair bound and couldn't take care of her self or my father, who was in the late stages of his dementia. I eventually found them a live in nurse, who also took care of my wife's grandparents, she was a godsend. I found her a "companion" who would come five times a week to do chores and keep her company. I found her an excellent neurologist who eventually diagnosed her with Parkinson's. I also found her online Parkinson's groups to attend. All this was done with much complaining and fighting by her. 

This March my father died at the age of 92. It was an ugly death but we had home hospice care that was great. My Mom fought me on bringing them in because she already had "Enough strangers in her house". But I was eventually able to convince her it was the right thing to do. I took care of all the funeral arrangements and had the family over my house, on her request, after the burial. 

Since then, she has cut me out of my Father's will and I have had little to no contact with her since. It's been devastating for me, basically loosing two parents at once, but it is for the best. I realized how sick she truly is, always playing the victim and telling anyone with an ear how bad myself and my wife were treating her.  My wife literally wiped her butt and showered her many times when she got out of the hospital.

This is the short version of my story. I hope it resonates with some of you. If anyone has any specific questions I'll be glad to talk about it. Thanks for reading and have a great day!
Title: Re: My Mom has BP and Parkinson's. No contact for 4 months after my Father's death.
Post by: Andeza on July 16, 2021, 08:07:00 PM
Welcome, Snico. That does sound like the rollercoaster ride from hell, if I may be blunt. Just to clarify when you say BP do you mean Borderline Personality Disorder, or Bipolar? They are often misdiagnosed as each other, so it ultimately doesn't make a huge difference to the behavior with exception to the type if it's bipolar, but just want to check. If it's BPD, you're absolutely in the right place for community. We've each had our own rollercoaster from hell, so we get it.

The Parkinson's combo sounds particularly bad. As I'm sure you know in later stages it can cause paranoia and dementia, both of which can be caused by having a personality disorder and simply aging. So... it's entirely possible that situation could spiral very hard very fast. If you are able to maintain your low to no contact state, that would probably protect you and your chosen family from the implosion that is coming. People with BPD do not age gracefully in any sense.

As you spend more time away from the toxic dynamic, be prepared for some rough spots yourself. Frequently distance encourages our bodies and minds to deal with trauma that we've just been crushing down into oblivion for years, and it can all come back up with a vengeance once we've got enough space that the subconscious mind starts to feel safe enough to work the backlog. For many, that happens around six months. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself grace as you journey, and by all means stick around and we'll help as much as we can. Sorry you need us, but glad you found us.
Title: Re: My Mom has BP and Parkinson's. No contact for 4 months after my Father's death.
Post by: Snico on July 16, 2021, 08:37:15 PM
Andeza, thanks so much for your kind words! Sorry, BP was meant as she is formally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 2 but I have always suspected, by her actions and general personality, that it more presents as Borderline Personality Disorder. The newer diagnosis of Parkinson's disorder greatly exacerbates her illness. Although she was only diagnosed last year with Parkinson's, her Dr said she has probably had it for a long time. That made total sense to me and was like fog being lifted off a window.

The dark times are here for me for sure but I have a great wife who is super supportive. Without her I don't know how I would have dealt with this situation for the last few years. I am doing better as of lately, that is one of the reasons I joined  this forum.

Again, thanks for the kind words and I will continue to post. There are so little recourses for people with mental illness and even less for the people around them. It seems I just might have landed in the right place here.