It's been a while since I've been on here, again.
My last post I talked about my sisters DV and the drama that ensued. My sisters partner left that night. Some visits between him and my nieces happened. It seems like they went well (I'm basing this on unpdm silence as I would have heard about it if it went bad). Now her partner is gone, presumably in a neighboring province but sis is tight lipped about it (according to mom) so who knows.
Anyways, things are amping up as sis gets closer to due date of baby no3 (all same dad for all 3. Pretty amazing in my mind as sis and partner are quite young!). Got a nasty text from unpdm a few nights back as sis admitted to hospital and I didn't respond as she wanted. I missed the call, was busy, didn't check the message until a few hours later then texted saying I got the message, how is she doing? Will call tomorrow as it was quite late.
Big mistake
Anyways, talked to mom the next morning. Sis was discharged and sent home as everything stable. Thing is, mom knew everything was ok with sis at the same time she was blasting me about me not doing what she wanted me to do. :stars:
It took me a few days to calm down enough to look at and think about other things unpdm said during that phone call. I try to cut the call short or change the subject when she starts talking negatively about my sisters and their spouses. What I've realized is that she will talk negatively to the point of vicious hatred about my sisters partner who is not in the picture right now. Unpdm will do this in front of my niece who is six. This is HER dad.
This is the part that is getting to me and I want to do/say something but I'm not sure how. My sis won't respond to my texts or calls right now. I'm leaving communication open and not pressuring her. She's under a lot right now so I don't want to make it worse for her. Mom is her childcare for my nieces. I don't want to make it worse for her. All I want is to tell mom to stop talking venom about their dad in front of them. I wish she'd stop with the venom all together but that may be too much to ask.
Anyone have something similar? How did you handle it? Right now I'm trying to pray about it/seek wisdom about how to handle it. I won't say anything right now as there are bigger things in the mix right now like safe healthy delivery of baby and aftercare for my sister.
Sorry about my disjointed writing right now. Trying to get this out quick before getting kids to bed. :-\
Ok so I think I know the answer to my dilemma. I may just make it about me. As in saying something like "you know what mom, I don't feel right about talking about person x in this way, especially when it's infront of their children. I'm going to bow out of this topic and will change the subject or end the call if it comes up." And then change the subject. Now I just need to come up with safer subjects to switch to. ;)
Then I guess if she persists tell her I have to go and get off the phone.
Perfect! You remembered that you cannot control your mother, what she says, how she behaves. You can control yourself and what you allow yourself to be a part of. You do not want to be a part of the venomous talk about others. You do something about it. My go to conversation topic is food. What they cook, how they make it, what I cook, what I have eaten. Endless topic. I have not yet managed to get one of my monologuing friends to get so bored with it to hang up on me but I am working on it!