I almost talked to the abuse hotline tonight..... I... I just don't know what to do.... My ex and her sister were openly talking that sometime this week they along with her sister's felon husband and possibly my ex's new boyfriend were going over to my mother's house to make my sisters pay for every wrong real and imagined they ever did to them. The husband as I said is a convicted felon ( including assault with and without a weapon, and firearms), I don't know about my ex's "friend ", but given her choice in men previously I don't hold out much hope. All except me were pretty low. I know I should contact the police but what should I say, I mean it hasn't happened yet so will they even take it seriously? I ready need advice on this I'm shaking so bad I can barely type.
Sorry if that comment about her other boyfriends seemed egotistical it wasn't meant to be. But I want to point out the ages of my mom and my sisters are 83 57 56 & 53.
Report it. You'll be sorry if something happens and you didn't. If it's a wind up well you aren't any worse off. my expdh used to set me up but if its important like this a knock on the door from the police might nip it in the bud
Won't wake them up he's been jail so much he don't care anymore, he's never been in jail here...a bit different then where he's from, there is no "weekend" jail here.
I'm too scared it will make things worse and when they are out they will do it again. Her sister has bodily slammed me against the wall in a choke hold threatening to kill slammed me to the ground for trying to leave once and tried to take a hammer to my car for trying to leave before they were done brutalizing me
My ex is way worse when her sister is around even worse then when the rest of her family is around.
Is it wo4th warning your family and let them go to the police?
Of course it's worth it and I plan to warn them an the police, as well as several very large members of my family and a few neighbors....they hunt in packs around here
Please call a domestic abuse hotline or contact an agency in your area. Do it today.
Ok I will how do I go about getting an involuntary commitment
In my state, it's difficult to have a person involuntarily committed. It's probably easier to gain protection in other ways than involuntary commitment.
In many areas there is a court person called a magistrate you go before a magistrate to initiate an involuntary commitment. Making violent threats toward yourself or another is grounds for this in many jusistrictions.
Either go talk to the court, the police or contact a DV shelter social worker. There may be other help hotlines in your area. Many places have a number you call for all sorts of problems, then they ask questions then pass you on to an appropriate helpline
In my state, involuntary commitment requires proving not only that a person is a threat to themself or other people but also that the person is mentally ill.
All of which can be proven
How are things going? Have you contacted the police or a domestic abuse organization or hotline? I hope you can get help with keeping you and your family safe.
I'm so scared it will blow up and make things worse. What if they don't do anything and she and her sister get more violent or decide to have her bro in law do something?
Is there a DV shelter tHt will take men?
I think you need to get some outside help and advise from professionals.
Gettingtired76 - what you describe is a potentially very dangerous and complex situation. I am so incredibly sorry you have been subjected to such abuse, stress, and threats.
I want to offer you resources and links to help with the hope that you will use them and find in real life, face to face support with these very dire matters. We can and will support you as you do what you need to do to protect yourself and alert your family members to the threats and at the same time we are limited to encouragement and pointing you to resources as a online support group who does not specifically offer targeted info and safety measures for domestic violence issues.
Please stay safe and let us know how you and your family are doing.
https://outofthefog.website/emergency/
(includes links to resources world wide if you are not in the US)
You can chat anonymously and immediately to get counsel on how best to go forward from an trained DV counselor here:
https://www.thehotline.org
Thank you all so much for your support, I know you can't do anything "physically" to help, but having you back to talk to has meant so much. I did contact the hotline last night they gave me resources as well.
So I just spoke to the landlord, and I found out that what my ex told me about the lease was a lie. She had stated that she had spoken him and had me removed from the lease and that I had to leave. He let me know that I am still on the lease.
Ok. ..so I feel really let down, I went to the police about the whole situation, told me there was nothing I could do she could have who she wants there
However there was one silver lining. He did say I could go to the magistrate tomorrow and file for a mental hygiene warrant
Well I found out truly how tied my hands are, I went to the police about the threats and being removed from my own property, was told theres was nothing they could do aboutand a "hmm....I wouldnt put up with that....Was told by the landlord that he couldn't take me off of the lease without her permission. So I'm stuck in limbo with that too. She took my phone away from, but wants to "sell" it back to me. Ya know the only thing that really angers me is her need to lie about stuff. Tell me your b/f moved in five secs after I left, don't have our kids telling me later down the road after you said something different. And def don't get on the phone and berate our 14 yr old son because he accidentally spilled your beans. I feel so sorry for my kids in this my daughters are so messed up right now. My youngest is lashing out at me, hopefully she will understand in time what actually happened. My oldest girl is autistic and this has been a nightmare for her. She lost her bedroom and only quiet place, because all the kids are crammed into one room. So that means my 14 yr old son has to share a room with an 11 yr old, 10 yr old and 15 yr old girls. I am going to be seeking help tomorrow, I'm going to set up a therapy appointment, and a docters appointment. I know I need to get my head on straight before I move anymore forward. Wish me luck, on this new yet somehow familar road I'm starting on.
ok so I got my doctors appts set up. Yeah me!! the little victories right? I enrolled in college start spring semester, called roughly twenty different places looking for work with quite a few good prospects. I attempted to speak to a custody lawyer today, waiting for a call back. All and all today has been good. only down side is shes still holding my phone over my head, if I dont come up with $400 by morning she is selling it. I am not at all surprised with her actions on it, I already knew she would eventually do it. But I cant let that get me down, gotta look forward keep taking those "baby steps". You guys mean so much to me, you've always been there when I need you. From the bottom of my heart thank you. I'll be checking in to let you all know how things are going.
Gettingired76 - you are taking good steps toward your goals. That takes patience, self control, and courage. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sending you strength and wisdom!
Thank you Bloomie, God knows Im trying, Im still looking for my own place, *shakes head she really knew what she was doing, exactly when to take her action didn't she? I'm going to start working on getting my driver's license back tomorrow. My sister is supposed to help me get a car. I feel like maybe everything might be falling into place this time. The only thing I worry about is my kids, the effect this is having on them, I know she is instilling her bitter perception of me into them. So patience is the hard part. Ty for the strength and wisdom, they are sorely needed.
Dammit, I just thought of something, could she possibly give her new b/f joint custody of my kids behind my back? Or do I have to be notified of the proceedings?
Im sitting here, working on some stuff, trying get as much done in as little time as possible, My oldest daughter called me today crying, Ive had here with ever since, a few hours, a good dinner and two mickey mouse popsicles later, shes sound asleep looking like the little angel she usually aint lol. I'm having a really hard time with my youngest tho, she is really bitter, not taking the break up good at all. It doesn't help that our vistations are at my moms house, shes 83 and neurotic as hell, and my sister are quite the trio themselves, lots of fighting. She keeps saying she hates me, apparantly because I screamed at her (which I did, sorta lol), yanked her up (she wouldnt budge otherwise) and am in various other ways mean to her. I now shes just lashing out, and I am being very patient with her. But It galls me that her mother with absolutely no move to alleviate the situation, wont sit down with me and the child. she actually let her new boyfriend sit on her porch IN FRONT OF OUR CHILDREN) and bad mouth me because My youngest refused to get in the car. she just stood there and stared, and said "It was my problem, deal with it" that I made the mess. I did finally get the child for acouple hours, I tried to talk to her broke through alittle, she actually let me hold for a few minutes (first time in 3 days) major milestone in this, and agreed she was "pissed at the whole world" and to leave her alone. My son wouldnt come at all, not because of me poor kid, but because of the fighting that goes on, and I feel for him, it gets to me too. Im hoping things will get better, more...normal? once I get my own place. LOL thanks for hearing me out . long post. Bye for now.
Once you have a place of your own and are stable I am sure the kids will enjoy the respite there with you when you have them. Hang in there.
They need the stability and love you will be providing. That you don't engage then in the nasty mental stuff there mother is will be noticed and appreciated by them. Not having your mother and sisters disfunction will make it all the more peaceful for them.
Bunk beds are cheap.
I just found out the man my ex chose to move in to the house with our children is A) A convicted felon and B) helped kill a man while in prison. And she actually told me to trust her judgment?
I also found out that the reason my daughter wants to stay with me is her mother would rather stay up her boyfriends ass then take care of or spend time with her children.
I'm sorry if those posts offended anybody. I wasn't really...well I don't really know what I was doing.
No-one is offended but we are concerned for you and the kids. It sounds just horrible for you. Sending big hugs .
Thank you bb, my son bless his heart looks so tired, and withdrawn, the aunt and uncle were having a full scale war tonight and I had to go get the kids, he came running out of the house shaking almost sobbing " I don't care if I have everything just get me out of here" So I have had the kids about 75% of the time after being removed from the house, she constantly has some reason I need to take them (so not complaining) It's just sad how when she gets this "new life" there's no place for the kids unless she wants to been seen with them. I'm not entirely sure my youngest knows what she wants, my oldest daughter ( the middle child) wants to stay with me ( I gave her my phone that can only be unlock by my face or hers because her mother gets into my phone at will). My ex honestly can understand why I got so upset when she told me about her boyfriend?! She threw up some stupid stuff I got into as a teenager that I had told her about. Said I was just like him. Um no I'm not. Yeah I was in kind of a bad place in my late teens early twenties, and lol yes my Dad shanghaied me in to our hunting camp most of those years to straighten me up. But I am no felon and I certainly never killed anybody.
Quick update almost 2 months in, still at my mothers house, had a job at UPS but they decided to fire me the other night, still no license and no car, just the same hurry up and wait I'm so depressed right now I can't sleep can't eat just want to cry or die, well I can't die my kids would never survive it. So I guess I'll just cry clean myself up and keep trying to move along.
Thankfully jobs are plentiful in most areas.
Yes clean yourself up. Go through the motions of doing what you need to do even if it's agonizingly tough. Just move forward regardless of feelings. The feelings will come after the effort.
Fastfood places are paying more than ever and so are some restaurant and retail jobs. Perhaps you can stop a financial slide backwards by taking what ever work you can for the short term, while looking for something that is optimal.
Recent used cars are expensive but there are still bargains to be found in older used cars. Perhaps you can find something soon.
Getting the basics together so you can host the kids in a good environment seems priority. Do you know anyone who could host you and the kids for your next visitation? Could you rent a cabin or a yurt at a state park for the visit and make it relaxing and exciting.
You are going through alot and it's super big stressful stuff , don't be hard on yourself if it's depressing or overwhelming. The setbacks are just that and don't reflect on you and don't diminish the quality of your goals or integrity towards your kids.
You will make progress and be able to be there for the kids if you just keep moving forward. Stay strong and practice self care.
When I tried to confront her on the abuse the kids told me about she started screaming and cussing at me tell telling me he had a right to do what the f he wanted the kids he was supported then being the father the I wouldn't be because I'm to lazy and worthless and want to stay at moms house to keep from having any responsibility and she admitted she kicked me out "because she wanted a boyfriend a real man not a worthless little boy" and had the kids telling me I was a liar as well which I would never hold that against them as they have always felt pressured to say what she wants to hear.
You know your truth. It has to hurt alot to have your integrity attacked. Just try to move forward anyway. Get the job or jobs you need and stay in tough with the kids the best you can.
When you can host them , giving them real time and attention will matter, and that does not have to cost anything. Alot of times young kids are super happy to have someone actually do simple things like play catch, Frisbee, blow bubbles or play card or board games.
Like my girls they are tickled pink to have me play with playdoh , draw or work puzzles. They get really amused to see a grown ass man play dolls or play house with them lmao.most times they just want someone to lay down beside them watch tv and let them ramble.
Yes real time and attention. They will crave it and come to depend on you as a source of it. Being there for them will give you opportunity to have important conversations and to impart values.
Stay strong. Your still dad regardless if what mom says or does.
I have my girls for the night, my son wouldn't come, my babies are sound asleep. I had a discussion with my ex, I really don't think anything got through, even when our son was voicing it, she'd just swear she knew what she was doing she wasn't doing anything wrong. So I don't know I guess I'm done talking.