:stars: Well Im taking everyone's advice and going incommunicado, she of course started texting as soon as she woke up, I haven't responded, I finally, I dont know I guess my body couldn't hold out anymore, and I just passed out last night, I guess I slept well over 12 hours, she did text me to let me know the kids ate last night thats a thumbs up I suppose. So anyway I all we can do is wait.
You need to block her. Stop all ways for her to communicate with you. BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK. Don't even give her an option to reach you.
I am 5 weeks in with no contact with my uNPDx and I feel so much better. I can fight. I can think. I can win.
That's great you're not responding.
To clarify, you need to also block her so you can't read her texts.
She gets to you on those texts. She knows all your buttons. You will be panicking. There is no need to expose yourself to her lies and manipulations.
She will tell you horrors about the children. You won't know lies from half truths (doubt any of it is the full truth). And you can do nothing, that's the thing.
GT, your goal is to, if possible, get the kids. Giving her money cements the kids into her care and keeps them away from you. Every dollar she scams out ofyou is money not going to a lawyer or suitable housing situation. She'll tell you it'sfor the kids but it's not. It's AGAINST the kids. It keeps them trapped. It enables her. It disables you. If the kids are actually going hungry, CPS needsto step in, you buying groceries enables the abuse to continue.
You won't be able to take it. Block her, get away from her, emotionally regroup, get stronger.
She WILL escalate since you've stopped responding - probably today even. Decide right now what you'll do.
If she knocks at your door.
If she calls your sister or someone else.
... However she usually exerts her power over you, decide right now that you will not engage. Don't answer the door. Call the police and cite the No Contact order. Tell your sister thanks but no thanks you don't want any messages passed along. If your sister says "but the kids are in hospital/in jail/starving/injured" tell sis to call CPS because you are legally barred from contact and can do nothing.
You both are absolutely right, and yes she will escalate she calls every phone in the house, texts messenger phone my cellphone, then all of my sisters cellphones then house phone, she knows better then to have her hubby drive over here. Its hard to disregard my children's' needs its ingrained in me, but I also know she uses that against me. My attorney is waiting for the judge to call him back on next steps in that dept. And good note, I believe I have s job, go Tuesday to finalize my paperwork. After that sleep I feel more refreshed then I have in weeks.
Awesome news on the job!!!
Remember, you are NOT disregarding your children's needs.
What they NEED is to escape the abuse they are suffering.
When your ex manipulates and lies, she frames it as your children's needs. But YOU know what they need, and it's not to continue being stuck in this hell.
Accepting your ex's control over you
- upsets you
- makes you feel powerless
- weakens your will to fight
- makes it hard to work
- drains your financial resources
- increases the possibility you'll make a mistake (miss a court date due to her lies, etc)
- keeps you in contempt of court order and weakens your legal position
- keeps you from attaining proper housing to show yourself as able to take the children
Furthermore
- enables her to keep and abuse/neglect the children
You are NOT disregarding the children - and she will say you are. It's manipulation. SHE is disregarding the children and USING you.
Yes, they ARE your responsibility, and the best thing you can do is stop financing and otherwise enabling their abusers (her and stepfather), block her access to you, heal, and put your focus into working, saving, getting quality legal represenation, and suitable housing.
If anything anybody writes you strikes you as useful, print it out and reread it every time your landline rings, your sis texts, etc.
Oh, and if your mother is ok with silencing the house phone for today or a few days, do it.
Agreed, and just curious, what of the court constantly validating her?
I don't know, it's a terrible thing. But the court says no contact. Contact will not help your position with the court. Getting out from under her abusive control, healing, thinking for yourself, and implementing a plan is what gives you the best possible chance. We're all pulling for you and the kids.
Thank you and yes its an awful feeling, my worst fear realized the prospect of being punished for a crime I didnt commit or wasn't committed in the first place.
Ok now, I just found out, it goes into effect tomorrow, in my state it will no longer be up to an appeals judge to take a case they will now take all cases, so I guess wish me luck on my appeal?
Oh wow okay. Yes indeed best of luck.
I plan to appeal the living shit out of them
YEAH
The first 4th of July/birthday Ive missed with my daughter, it kills that I had to promise that child everyday that I would never leave her, and my very own "HOME" state that's forcing me to.
How has NC been going, any complications?
She's trying desperately to make contact leaving messages that I obviously dont care about my kids especially our daughter, same shit different day, but it is what it is. I have a video conference Wednesday with a lawyer who specializes in CPS cases. So we will see where that goes, but frankly I'm losing hope, everything is going exactly as she warned the entire time we were together, and she is gloating big time that she's getting her way.
She has known all along that any thing I said would be disregarded, evidences ignored.
Keep trying to block all communication. Delete messages without listening. You can't build hope back up with her voice in your ear.
Very true
She's not leaving you those messages to be helpful. She's trying to control you for her own sick goals.
I know all to well
Finally got to step out for alittle tonight, I did buy my daughter some birthday gifts (no guilt 😁) and saw a movie. I swear my daughter keeps trying to tell me something, first it was another double rainbow, then a T-Shirt had been left on the shelf in the toys...I picked it up and it was a T advertising mine her fave Guns and Roses song (Sweet Child of Mine) [she likes Sheryll Crows version too lol].But anyway I havent felt that at ease in a long time.
I'm glad you are getting gestures of comfort from the universe.
I wonder when you'll get to speak to her. Are you barred from calling the place she's in?
Im barred completely, and tell me if this makes sense to you, cps didnt take her from my ex, but they have her "holed" up in a hotel.....wait for it.....in my city, with two caseworkers because since they didnt "take" her they cant put her in a foster home or state custody, but she is awaiting diagnostics and "placement" once she gets placed and the tests done and discharged she will go back home to her mother.
And due to the holiday I have to wait 1 more day to do anything or talk to anyone.
GT:
Are you listed as the father of your dd on the birth certificate?
does your DD have a GAL to advocate for her????
Yes I am hhaw and i have the affidavit of paternity. She does in My county this is supposed to going through my ex's county though
I would assume over there she has the ssme one she had earlier in the year.
Update: Yes my daughter was ordered to be TAKEN from my ex, the case has officially been sent back to her county with no idea how long it will stagnate there. Also I found out something interesting, Nobody over here in my county has been able to lay eyes on the alleged "interview " in her county, CPS, attorneys, judge...us parents....no one, and it seems only one caseworker in her county knows anything about it, and my ex of course who swears she was there when it took place. It was never court ordered, there was honestly no reason for it since CPS dropped involvement in January, and CPS there has no record of it. Only when that one single caseworker is present suddenly the story changes and "oh yeah..... ". My ex is planning to take off to another state at the end of the month, so I hope something gets done fast.
Praying for the safety and comfort of your SG.
I received pictures she looks healthy and happy, alittle upset my ex cut all of her har off before letting her go, I just hope they actually help her
I spoke to that attorney, $65,000 upfront to hire him, wtaf? What are poor people supposed to do, who can afford that in these times, I'm trying to scrape it up tho.
Quote from: Gettintired76 on July 08, 2022, 04:03:00 AM
I spoke to that attorney, $65,000 upfront to hire him, wtaf? What are poor people supposed to do, who can afford that in these times, I'm trying to scrape it up tho.
That sounds incredible expensive and I wouldn't be happy paying that kind of money up front. Have you looked around for alternatives and got any other quotes?
Oh believe me Im looking high and low, everywhere, Ive got to get my SG back man CPS is bouncing her all over the state, I dont know what they are doing im completely shut out, they have my ex's husband as her father even tho i gave them the documents showing my paternity. Everything is going exactly as my ex wants and it sickens me.
Gee whiz that's high. BUT good on you for looking, keep going. It may be hard but I believe you can find someone, don't give up.
I can’t give up my baby girl is somewhere all alone, its not right.
[mod note: reference to specific country removed]
No you can't, and you're not. Keep looking. It's a setback, I know. Take the day to process your frustrations, then do the next search. You got this.
Sorry mods lol i was being a smartass
Well my ex really went and screwed the pooch but I don't really blame her, contrary to popular belief I dont want her abused any more then I was, and he finally crossed the line so she fled, but sadly she the one thats going to get into trouble. Soo now cps and the court is focusing on me getting work ( start next week) and my own place ( app is under review awaiting job notification and fee payment) and I start classes in Aug to get a degree in social work.
Sorry to hear about the trouble she had.
Good news with you, but if cps is looking for you to get those things sorted does that mean.... custody is on the table??
Custody is definitely on the table, and seems inevitable because she refuses to come back for future hearings. And her "hubby?" May be going back to jail because he tried to kill her in front of my son (she has the cut across her throat to prove it) Im livid because I never wanted to see her get her, but by the same token I knew...we (all of both families) knew and tried to warn her. So anyway I will let everyone know something when I know something.
That is scary as sh*t GT, I am glad she survived. I suppose this is the real danger when a PD gets involved with a psychopath (is my assumption right he is one?) and doesn't know when to back down. Hopefully this will lead to you getting full custody of all your children, fingers crossed for you GT.
I am just hoping so much custody goes to you and those children's lives can settle down.
Yes he is EM he has a rap sheet of violent crimes including 2nd degree murder x3, longer then my arm.
Well things are moving forward, Ive started my classes, I start work tomorrow, im on the housing waiting list and the waiting list for a private apartment community.
Several awesome slam dunks from you.
And the ball is smacked back in my face...her county has separated the case in to three cases 1 per child, three counts per case 9 counts total child abuse, neglect, and sexual abuse, I to got today and enter my plea
Wishing you the very best.
So, there are 9 counts of abuse lodged against just you or are there other charges lodged against the stepfather, mother and/or your sister in other or same counties?
Are there pending charges of domestic violence against stepfather for violence committed against your ex?
Has anyone mentioned placing the kids in foster care while investigations continue?
It seems like 2 kids are out of State with their mum bc mum is in fear if her life? Is stepdad in jail?
One DD is in the system for unspecified length of time for reasons you're not sure about, but believe are due to the abuse in her mother's home?
You were asked for a 60K retainer from an attorney to take your case, now 3 cases, for you. What' s happening there? Do you have representation?
Thus far no charges against mother or stepfather, daughter is serving pcychiatric time for a JD case that was supposed to be dropped but the board of education pushed it, my understanding its 30 days or upon finishing diagnostics whichever comes first however it has been over 30 so im guessing they have started the tests. At this I have no representation in her county. CPS has stated that are removing the other two because she did flee the state. No the stepfather is not in jail and no charges were brought against him.
Any police involvement with the incident between him and your ex?
Where are the other two children now? Where have they been? Where is CPS removing them from? Have they been with the step father this entire time, OR does CPS intend to find them out of State, with their mother, and take them from her?
I don't think you need an attorney to represent y0u in the CPS matter, but you should at least get some good quality advice from one or two attorneys who can point you in the right direction and keep you from making big mistakes, IME.
They are with their mother out of state, cps is trying to find where shes at and get the kids back here, and im inclined to agree with you har. No they have been zero contact with stepdad for a week. But up until that yes they were living with him. No square so far he is getting away clean with it.
Well, at least CPS is communicating with you directly and you're not dependent on breaking the no contact order for lies and false information from your ex any longer.
So your ex did not call the police, no report, no medical records.
Not good.
No CPS isnt its my parenting instructor/ liason and yes swuare not good
Quote from: Gettintired76 on July 23, 2022, 02:21:57 PM
No CPS isnt its my parenting instructor/ liason and yes swuare not good
G:
Your situation is more complicated than can be explained, IMO.
I suspect that overpriced attorney asked you for a 60K retainer in hopes you'd go away. It happened to me once and the attorney explained his stragegy without shame. Just dissapointment I'd returned to hire him.
I have no advice about your case or cases. I admit I don't understand who's on first and what's on second.... there's too many Counties and children and charges.
I do have some advice that might you tell your story and find understanding.
Always include the names of the people you're referring to.
IF you hear (insert action/call/child placement, etc) happened.... include the NAME and title of the person you heard it from and what they said about the information when they told you about it.
Secondly, it seems like you've been repeating things your ex say as though those things are verified and true, so there's one HUGE impediment to sharing your situation and finding understanding.
If I suggested this before, apologies.
Write out a historic accounting of all people, dates and events so you can give it to attorneys, CPS and refer to it yourself when needed. Any attorney worth his salt will want that information before processing your story and situation, IME.
Second, organize all your evidence, if you have any, then file it so you can lay your hands on it within 10 seconds of realizing you need it.
People are impatient and they want what they want NOW. If you can't put your hands on the documents, photos and any recordings you have within 10 seconds.... you need to spend some time figuring out how to DO that, IME.
I'm not asking you to post any of the above infomation on the board. I'm suggesting you to do it in a way you can file and retrieve with economy of motion in 3D if you're going to continue fighting for your children and it's unclear from your posts if or how you'll do that.
Just saying.... trial prep isn't easy, particularly when childrens' safety is involved.
I'm hoping for the best outcome for your children.
And the plot thickens, it seems my ex's now ex had a $6000 contract out on his ex wife, and is now hunting my ex down. What in the unholy actual %$&@ has she gotten us all into?
Oh yeah and the guy that was going to carry it out...the same guy she left alone with my 10 yr old daughter is back in prison.
Just horrible.
I assume she's hitting you up bigtime for money.
As a matter of fact...and she already has a new b/f and the kids arent even with her they are in yet another state. So there are now 3 States and 2 counties involved
Well I guess you could say 4 counties, the two up here, the one shes in and the one the kids are in
I had a nice long chat with cps from her old county...it seems the investigation may be going back toward her and her abusive ex, however her old county shortly after that moved it back to my county so I don't know whats going to happen.
Cps in her county has in fact opened a case against her again, what that means for me..im waiting with bated breath
It seems we've all ran out of things to say....
I just want to hear you say you're cleared and have all three kids, you know?
So do I...I mean even my attorneys are saying I and the kids have been failed and they don't understand it. So all I can do is feel it will be over soon.
Do you know where the kids are rn and how they are doing, relatively speaking?
When does school start?
My son and youngest daughter are with her at her dads house my oldest daughter is in a children's shelter in my state. No the kids are not doing well at all, there is nothing I can excuse about the living conditions they have those kids in right now, its filthy, they now have 9 people crammed into a 2 bedroom house, 4 big ass dogs, 4 small dogs, and 3 or 4 cats. I have been informed my ex it's bouncing around between at least 3 different guys, one of which is now living in her Dad's house with her. She is never home. I find out that my ex's ex mentally tortured my oldest daughter, he had her given up as punishment for her wanting to live with me, and he forced her to let her mother chop off her hair as punishment for not liking to have it tied up. The thing that bothers me the most is how my ex's dad treats the kids, he is verbally and physically abusive. He screams and cusses them, and hits them for everything.
I'm so sorry to hear it. It just sounds awful. I wonder what the next step will be.
Will your DD be placed into foster care?
I dont know where she will go, I found out my ex's sister was giving my 14 yr old son dope (weed etc) and alcohol while he was with them, that pisses me off after what happened the conditions at my ex's dad's house are deplorable and got worse as I was leaving, they now have 11 people (6 adults 5 children) crammed into a 2 bedroom house. The five kids cram into one 8x10 bedroom my 10 yr old daughter has to share a camping cot with a 15 month old baby boy my 14 yr old son has to cram onto another with his mother and two other babies. And CPS doesn't care about anything other then that I broke "no contact" which I shouldn't have but my 10 yr old was bawling for me, begging me to explain what SHE did to make them take me and her family away from her, why she couldn't have her sister, who has always been there for her, who even tho they fought always protected her. I found out my ex stood in there living room and told her now ex she was glad they got rid of her.
:'(
G:
Did I miss something? Are you saying you broke no contact recently
OR
is this a failure to comply from the past taking the attention from the children's situation and putting the focus back on YOU?
It's obvious you're on the Court and SS services radar, G. You need to do everythng you can to leave the focus on the ex and children and OFF you, IME.
I know hhar i know.
The no contact and everything else has been a joke on this case, she breaks it hourly, and I have her on record blatantly declaring she has no regard with what the court has to say. And I dont know what this means for my case...but cps in her old county has seemingly removed all my calls from their phone records, I found that out yesterday.
I know things happen..... evidence is erased and removed and left out when it suits court officers BUT you're going to have to stop helping them sabotage you IF you allow your ex to contact YOU during a protective order with you being the only one held accountable bc the Order is against YOU and not your ex.
It's the ex undermining you time and again and you stepping into the trap, over and over. If CPS is making mistakes, who'll ever follow the crumbs IF no one can get past the fact you're refusing to comply with the Judge's simplest Orders?
You seem to remain the focus of this terrible situation for your children and that doesn't help them or you.
About the stbx's calls being erased..... if you're speaking about calls TO YOU, from the ex......
you have those records on your bills, right? How potent would it be to finally get into a courtroom, lay out all your evidence calmly and SHOW the court what you've been doing/not doing.... as well as exactly what CPS and the ex does in these cases.
So many cases. So much chaos and confusion. You're involved in the confusion and chaos, which is a position of weakness you have to overcome, escape and stop getting dragged back into, IME.
Or not.
As long as everyone can point to you and shift blame.... to avoid responsibility and accountability..... how do you feel these invesetigations will go?
I'm just saying.... if what I think you're saying is..... cps is actually covering for your ex and destroying phone records in order to throw you to the dogs as the ONLY one breaking an Order of Protection....you have to SHOW get in front of a Judge and SHOW that Judge what youre stbx has done and how CPS has attempted to cover that up without SAYING they hid evidence and undermined your ability to parent children in crisis, bc....
bc.....
CPS has a reason for going out of their way to hide whatever they're hiding. A Judge wants to know WHY such a thing would happen. Maybe he'll agree with CPS and ignore whatever you prove.
IME, a victim of domestic violence BREAKING a no contact Order is the basis for ignoring that victim and any future claims of domestic violence she makes....... ignoring the Order and inviting contact with the abuser is simply a reason to dismiss and punish that victim, IME and I find it difficult to make sense of your situation,though I know things like this happen and sometimdds there's simply a PD in the middle somewhere.... in CPS, for example, who has bought into the PD's narrative and is willing to break laws and bend rules for the PD.
It happens.
What can you do about it if that's the case?
I mean my repeated calls to CPS reporting her for smeaing them, reporting the abuse, and reporting the defiance of court orders. Cps has erased all of them, she there is no proof that I warned them of anything as fas back as January.
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