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Book Reviews / Re: The Christian’s Guide To No Contact
« Last post by gettingstronger1 on Today at 11:39:06 AM »
I am sorry I wasn’t clear.  It is called The Christian’s Guide To No Contact. Here is the link.

I am going to try to read more of it today.  If you get a chance to read it please let me know what you think.
Chosen Relationships / Re: No Longer the Baggage Carrier
« Last post by sad_dog_mommy on Today at 11:35:00 AM »

Great imagery!   
Chosen Relationships / No Longer the Baggage Carrier
« Last post by Stillirise on Today at 11:25:50 AM »
I woke up this morning with this image of uPDh and me. He was walking along, hands in his pockets, scowling. I was a couple steps behind, literally bent over from the weight of a pile of bags I was carrying. It was startling to realize I’d let him pile all his baggage onto me over the years.

I then imagined us when we met...I had a little train case of “baggage,” and he had a duffle bag. As we walked along, more of his bags kept appearing, and he would say, “Can you carry this? I’ve had a hard day.” Finally, we looked like the first image I woke up with. 

Now I realize...I can just set the extra baggage down. It was never mine to carry.   :doh:

I plan to try to keep that as a visual in my mind when he tries to toss me more baggage.

I hope all this doesn’t seem too kooky!  I thought the visualization might be helpful to someone else.  We aren’t pack animals for anyone’s emotional baggage. 
Religious & Spiritual Discussion / Re: Christian Rebuke
« Last post by Julian R on Today at 11:20:28 AM »
Cordelia - I think the Bible references could be either Titus 3: 10-11 or Matthew 18: 15-17

Spring Butterfly - Thanks also for the link to Luke 17: 3 site.  I wasn't familiar with it, it looks helpful.

The Bible does  suggest there are limits to what we can and should do when there is an abusive person in our lives.  Yes we should do what we can to arrive at a peaceable and conciliatory outcome but if the offending party persists, is unrepentant and will not or cannot change then more decisive action is needed and legitimate - no contact for example, even recourse to legal action.  No need to feel bad about that as a christian if the circumstances really justify it.
The Welcome Mat / Re: Kia ora from a Wintery New Zealand!
« Last post by Bloomie on Today at 10:53:07 AM »
Adding a warm welcome to you. Thankful you have reached out for the support and encouragement you will find here. Make good use of the resources at the tabs above as you settle in and when you are ready, join the conversations taking place on the boards. :wave:
Saying nothing at all is perfect.   Good for you!!! 
thank you Boomie :)
I am impressing myself if I may say so  ;)… I am learning to manage my emotions when I get upset and not reacting as I did most of my life.
Hi Renogal,

It sounds as though you are doing the co-parenting with the ex?  Or are you asking in regards to your spouse doing the co-parenting?

If you are doing the co-parenting, I would suggest you consider having your spouse handle all communications with the ex.  If she is a Queen BPD,  I'm sure it's already apparent how difficult it will be.  In my experience, it is best for my marriage/mental health to be completely removed from anything BM is trying to do.  I still hear bits and pieces,  it's unavoidable, but I never ever communicate with her.

What are the specific issues you are having?  That may help everyone give you specific advice?  In general, I would say- don't get sucked into the drama, stick to the custody order....100%.  She won't stick to the CO, but it gives you some level of control and guidelines for the inevitable requests she will have to stray from it.  Keep the kids out of the middle, don't talk negatively about their other parent. 
I didn't read the response, but DH said she accused him of making this "all about himself and not thinking of DSS".  DH responded pointing out the fact that he was thinking of DSS, as his biological father who is best suited to be the role model she points out that he needs right now, and by ignoring that, this is really about her.  To tie it up, he said DSS would not be participating during DH's time. 

It's always something.
Hi TriedTooHard,

Thank you for your generous words.  I try hard, but still have a long way to go.  Sometimes I am embarrassed by my bouts of posting here, especially those in regard to my remaining PD friend.  We are close, which means there are many difficulties.  And even as I write that we are close, I wonder whether that is even true.  Actually, I guess that it is, but being close to someone with a major PD is not a happy place to be!  At  least I had sense enough not to continue with "the successful woman."  As I write that, I am reminded of Lily Tomlin's great character, "The Tasteful Lady."  I am now going to think of my former friend as "The Successful Lady."

I knew I'd get the name of the Bill Murray film wrong; it's "What About Bob?"  (Not Dave!)   Yes, I love that film!  Bill Murray is always so lovable, as he drives his therapist bonkers.  Just an all around feel good film, which still has a lot of truth to it.

It sounds as if the young woman in your husband's family may well have adopted certain narcissistic traits for protection after going through difficult times.  And I am sure that what you read about some younger people in general naturally having more narcissistic traits than older people is true.  It makes good sense:  Young people are in the process of figuring out who they are and sometimes need to assert that in a seemingly narcissistic way, when all they're really doing is trying to establish their own identity.  It also makes sense that once they do that they no longer need to assert themselves so much, because they become confident in who they are.   

Maybe this is also the case in my friend's daughter, although she is heading into her thirties and had, if anything, an unusually easy time of it.  At any rate, I agree with you that her not making a single comment about my photo (which was a beautiful photo in of itself, one that was sent to me) while bombarding me with her photos and information about what she was doing was a red flag.  It was kind of funny: I sent my photo with a one sentence message, and seemingly before she had time to read that message, she sent a barrage of photos, more and more and more!  And then paragraphs about what she was doing and her accomplishments.  I want to like her, for my friend's sake, but I am hesitant.  She is visiting my city in the fall and wants to get together, as did "The Successful Lady," but I don't think that will happen.  Perhaps the only good thing about my condition is that when I say I'm not up to getting together, I'm telling the truth!  (But on some days I will do so anyway, if I really want to see someone!)
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