Recent posts
#51
Working on Us / Re: The toll of chronic invali...
Last post by LoverofPeace - April 28, 2024, 12:50:18 AMQuoteIt sounds like you are doing 'grey rock' with your sister, which is well known in our community here. recently, I started learning about yellow rock from Dr. Ramani.
Hi Trees,
Dr. Ramani is my girl! I love her videos/advice. She makes a lot of sense. I do also know about grey-rocking. And I like your description of the yellowish rock. Yup, something like I did with that thumbs up emoji.
QuoteI know you said you're kinda feeling overwhelmed and I keep recommending more books and videos to read and watch lol! I don't mean to - - -
Lol. It's not the recommendations itself, the overwhelm is the totality of everything that includes trying to get back to work after the last job didn't work out. And that wasn't because I wasn't doing a great job, it was because of a narcissist who was in charge. Because of her and some others, they'd been firing people before and after me. Really obnoxious place, it was. She actually raged on me and I raised my voice telling her this wasn't going to work out. There's more to that, but I kind of veered off here, please excuse. My good Lord, they are everywhere, though.
QuoteWe get scared because we know how they behave when they are mad. They punish people for putting up normal healthy boundaries. Its perfectly normal to go 2 weeks without seeing or hearing from an adult sibling. But of course narc siblings don't know what's 'normal'. They only know what they want. That's why you feel like you are dealing with a child.
Fear--yes, and no.
I am trying to be more cautious when applying what I learned about them from people like Dr. Ramani. As in, trying not to give them supply. That's so tricky not to do.
And I feel like I tried everything, including NC for years until these unfortunate events put a neon sign on my grey rock. So now it's the fear of what else more can I do? I hate to say it, but when she physically attacked me some years ago, I even T.K.O.'d her with one punch. So, I have no problem backing her up, but I do at the same time because I am being forced to have to fight as a grown woman! And as I said, I want my peace. Not have to go backwards like we're 11 and 12 again.
And even then, I shouldn't have to have gone through it. In time, I realized it wasn't me nor normal sibling rivalry. She has NPD. And also, I believe I know why and how. I might write about it one day, but it's too much to unpack right now.
So, in getting her off me with packing that knockout punch worked for awhile and even now she'll stop at a certain point; I know it's because of that. But strangely, I remember her facial expression and now I know it was that I gave her supply (this was before I learned what all this was about). And I can 'see' her feelers coming out again in this day and time.
Something told me this was going to happen once the Ngrandmom and Nmom passed. Because she'd have some serious 'ammo' again. Not that she didn't love and care for them. But I'm sure I don't have to elaborate on that, unlike I would have to with people who don't have a clue.
By the way, part of my problem with ruminating is I am an overthinker on things. That's how my brain (over) works. This is my make-up since birth. But with a situation like this, it just makes it worse.
When my focus gets better-- and it is getting there via meditation, spiritual teachings, breathing exercises, body exercise, and eating better--I should be able to sit still enough to read again!
I have a Kindle library of self-help books waiting on me, but perhaps I can look at your recommendations one day, too. In the meantime, I hope to post here more, as it really helps to be amongst people who understand.QuoteI feel that's what is happening; I am having emotional flashbacks.
Hi Invisiblewoman,
Yes, this has been happening to me over time. And do you ladies ever start frowning/ getting angry and even fuss under your breath as if you're going through that scenario again? That tends to be a part of it. It's also PTSD or full-blown CPTSD.
QuoteI had a terrible realization the other day; My aunt insisted my mom was complicit in a sexual abuse case with me. She may not be telling the truth, as there are other factors that happened that indicate otherwise. She literally called my mom a pedophile and said a bunch of really nasty things, and then tried to suggest she almost gave my address to her because "I deserved her" for when I stood up to my superintendent for treating me badly. It was twisted into something I had made up, that they then felt entitled to expose my address for to "teach me a lesson" or to show me I am so bad I deserve my abuser. They get off on that shit and need to keep that kind of drama going whether it's real or not.
Man, oh man, who does that to someone who's supposed to be a loved one? Your aunt needs help. Why would she say or do these things to you?
May I ask if you still have to run into this super?
It's a strange world with strange people in it. And that starts with family dysfunction in a lot of households.
Like the famous painter Frieda Kahlo said, "I hope the exit is joyful-and I hope never to return." That's how I feel once God calls me home. In the meantime, I've got peace to fight for on this Earth.
Goodnight. May God continue to bless us.
#52
Chosen Relationships / Re: Gaslighting
Last post by DCF1952 - April 28, 2024, 12:27:38 AMQuote from: Rebel13 on April 26, 2024, 08:03:33 PMIsn't there some quote like "every accusation from a narcissist is actually a confession"? LOL
This is incredible. And feels so accurate.
#53
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: Having empathy for abusers...
Last post by Queenfrog - April 27, 2024, 03:34:53 PMI think "empathy" is a tricky word and "compassion" is better. In Buddhism we aspire to have compassion for all beings. "All" means "all" and the key word is "aspire." If it were easy to do this, we would all be bodhisattvas. (I hope it's Ok to bring up Buddhism here. It can be seen as a system of psychology rather than a religion.)
One basic form of meditation is called lovingkindness ("metta"). First you hold lovingkindness for yourself, then for a loved one, then for a neutral acquaintance, and then for a difficult person. Having compassion for a difficult person does not mean becoming their victim. Quite the opposite. There is a concept called "idiot compassion" that warns us away from this. It is more compassionate - toward both yourself and the other person -- to maintain your boundaries than to feed into the PD person's dysfunction.
Most of us don't have the capacity to practice empathy without discrimination, i.e., to feel the feelings of people other than those with whom we feel safe and close. I'm not ready to aspire to that, myself, but it is a skill ascribed to my favorite bodhisattva and my favorite teacher. In this regard, the wisdom teaching is to take on only what you have the emotional capacity for, and no more.
You must take care of yourself first. I think that if you aren't ready to practice compassion for your abuser that is OK. Practice compassion for yourself and investigate your feelings. A therapist ought to show more skill and nuance than to just tell an abused person to have empathy for their abuser, even though that suggestion does reflect an important insight.
One basic form of meditation is called lovingkindness ("metta"). First you hold lovingkindness for yourself, then for a loved one, then for a neutral acquaintance, and then for a difficult person. Having compassion for a difficult person does not mean becoming their victim. Quite the opposite. There is a concept called "idiot compassion" that warns us away from this. It is more compassionate - toward both yourself and the other person -- to maintain your boundaries than to feed into the PD person's dysfunction.
Most of us don't have the capacity to practice empathy without discrimination, i.e., to feel the feelings of people other than those with whom we feel safe and close. I'm not ready to aspire to that, myself, but it is a skill ascribed to my favorite bodhisattva and my favorite teacher. In this regard, the wisdom teaching is to take on only what you have the emotional capacity for, and no more.
You must take care of yourself first. I think that if you aren't ready to practice compassion for your abuser that is OK. Practice compassion for yourself and investigate your feelings. A therapist ought to show more skill and nuance than to just tell an abused person to have empathy for their abuser, even though that suggestion does reflect an important insight.
#54
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: Having empathy for abusers...
Last post by KD5FUL - April 27, 2024, 02:26:08 PMIf I am being completely honest, I have a tremendous amount of empathy for my Undiagnosed Narc parents. My heart aches for their experiences that I know about that were painful and transformative in their past.
However that doesn't negate my need for them to take accountability nor does it excuse their harmful behavior. I think it is okay to FEEL empathy for them, as long as I can set and enforce boundaries to prevent them from causing further harm.
The thing I struggle with is exactly that --- sometimes my empathy for them causes me to not enforce my boundaries properly.
However that doesn't negate my need for them to take accountability nor does it excuse their harmful behavior. I think it is okay to FEEL empathy for them, as long as I can set and enforce boundaries to prevent them from causing further harm.
The thing I struggle with is exactly that --- sometimes my empathy for them causes me to not enforce my boundaries properly.
#55
Dealing with PD Elderly Family Members / Re: Sounds awful, but will he ...
Last post by Blueberry Pancakes - April 27, 2024, 10:31:21 AMThanks Narckiddo and Sunnymeadow. The understanding you expressed is so helpful.
I believe I stepped back close to this family due to my own values and what seemed right for me given the situation I was witnessing. It was not out of loyalty or thinking it will change one darn thing.
I have stepped out again. I have not visited them. Nobody from their ALF or anyone else has attempted to contact me, so I am letting it play out as it may.
Also, Sunnymeadaow, thank you for sharing your own experience when you travelled a similar path. My thoughts are that I am not part of whatever is happening to them. It is "theirs" and not "mine" to own. I visualize a wall between us, and it helps me keep emotionally and mentally out of the fray. I have kept my husband out of this in spite of his offers to help because I do not want this infiltrating our life. We have dinner plans tonight with friends, and are making vacation plans next month somewhere sunny.
Thank you.
I believe I stepped back close to this family due to my own values and what seemed right for me given the situation I was witnessing. It was not out of loyalty or thinking it will change one darn thing.
I have stepped out again. I have not visited them. Nobody from their ALF or anyone else has attempted to contact me, so I am letting it play out as it may.
Also, Sunnymeadaow, thank you for sharing your own experience when you travelled a similar path. My thoughts are that I am not part of whatever is happening to them. It is "theirs" and not "mine" to own. I visualize a wall between us, and it helps me keep emotionally and mentally out of the fray. I have kept my husband out of this in spite of his offers to help because I do not want this infiltrating our life. We have dinner plans tonight with friends, and are making vacation plans next month somewhere sunny.
Thank you.
#56
Working on Us / Re: The toll of chronic invali...
Last post by Invisiblewoman - April 27, 2024, 10:30:58 AMQuote from: LoverofPeace on April 27, 2024, 01:01:26 AMI just want to stop ruminating. My Nsis sent a text today (well, Friday), and I just gave a simple thumbs up. Then I went about my day and did good not dwelling on her. Yet, my thoughts came back to it by evening time.
It sounds crazy, but though I don't have a solid plan, I know I am looking to wean her off by boring her.
Like I said, it's crazy. But our mother just passed (and the grandmother only a year ago), so how do I simply go ghost right away? It feels even harder now because so many family members have passed and I am hoping she isn't panicking almost like a child = losing supply + getting older.
She's done most of the heavy lifting with all the Grandmom's and Mom's affairs--that I ended up letting her because of their making her, the golden child, the P.O.A. Plus, her abusive ways/their scapegoating me that I wasn't going to keep putting up with. But now, emotionally, it feels like a grown child I am trying to keep at a distance.
And then there's that 'family feel' at the same time, like you were saying.
'God' luck to us on this bizarre journey when it comes to them.
That's the hard part because they sure know how to put you in a defensive space! Then you have a need to want to hold them to their actions because you don't want them to get the upper hand with lying and being destructive. I am doing different things like meditating when that comes up for me, just recognizing it, but giving myself a rest when I feel overwhelmed by it too.
QuoteMy go to resource for what you mentioned here (about memories) is Pete Walker's book C PTSD from surviving to thriving. I still re-read his section on managing flashbacks when I need a booster!
Through all I've read and learned about managing PTSD, his book keeps standing out for me. Back when I went NC, Flashbacks were not understood at all when I started going to therapy. None of the counsellors I met back then had any idea that I was having flashbacks so often, even though flashbacks are a very common symptom of PTSD, and manageable if the symptom gets recognized. I was misdiagnosed with depression, even though what I really had, was PTSD with a lot of flashbacks to process.
I think you might really like his book if you have not checked it out already because he says what you say here too - we get stronger emotionally as we get further from the abuser, and when we are a safe distance from the abuse, we can process more of the PTSD.
A lot of people have caught up to what he wrote about years ago - that we are in a state during a flashback, where our body doesn't feel safe, there's a threat, and we need to learn how to manage this or else it will be very much a legacy from our childhood abuse that plagues our adult life. Going into that flashback state needs to be understood. Not dismissed as "nothing" or "oh thats in the past" which is what clumsy therapists still do with us. Managing flashbacks were key to my recovery.
My recovery would have been less terrifying had I had this info before I went NC. I didn't even know I was having flashbacks until I found his book! Which was years and years into my NC!
I feel that's what is happening; I am having emotional flashbacks. I am working through the trauma because I don't want it to happen again. My family insists it's all a lie after telling me they think my nmom was abusive, and they are trying to control the narrative and even suggest I am suffering from psychosis. Now they're surprised I won't talk to them. They think they're doing me a favour.
I had a terrible realization the other day; My aunt insisted my mom was complicit in a sexual abuse case with me. She may not be telling the truth, as there are other factors that happened that indicate otherwise. She literally called my mom a pedophile and said a bunch of really nasty things, and then tried to suggest she almost gave my address to her because "I deserved her" for when I stood up to my superintendent for treating me badly. It was twisted into something I had made up, that they then felt entitled to expose my address for to "teach me a lesson" or to show me I am so bad I deserve my abuser. They get off on that shit and need to keep that kind of drama going whether it's real or not.
I didn't do anything wrong with my superintendent; in fact I think my instincts were correct and my negative experience with him was really all his responsibility. I shouldn't be responsible for someone's behaviour once they have become so inebriated that they can't control their actions. But they wanted it to be something I lied about; they needed to drag my character to control me and to drag me back into the drama. They were big on exposing my mom for lies as well, but don't you dare point out their lying.
That's what's so frustrating about them. Just so toxic, yet they are accusing me of the same.
#57
Common Behaviors / Re: Accusing you of the very t...
Last post by Queenfrog - April 27, 2024, 10:06:03 AMMy uOCPDh hated my father. As my father lay dying, all my spouse had to say was that I should not bother visiting him (20 minutes away) because I have a lot of work to do and there would be more to do later. He kept on critiquing my father's character as always; this pattern seems almost involuntary because any mention of either of my parents sends him into a monologue about how terrible they are. He kept saying that my father was, characteristically, selfishly expecting other people to focus on him, wait on him, etc. At the time, my father was 94 years old, unable to sit up or get out of bed, and barelyable to speak.
My father died two days ago and my spouse has made several comments basically questioning my need to mourn. Obviously whatever choices I make about how to spend my time are likely to be wrong. And he's made plenty of light and dark jokes about the situation. He just finished laughing hysterically about how my father never learned how to take care of himself. I haven't asked him for any emotional support because my asking would have zero effect. Finally yesterday he said "oh OK I'll give you a hug." And he gave me a hug.
At all time, the most important thing is that I should park the car PERFECTLY.
My father died two days ago and my spouse has made several comments basically questioning my need to mourn. Obviously whatever choices I make about how to spend my time are likely to be wrong. And he's made plenty of light and dark jokes about the situation. He just finished laughing hysterically about how my father never learned how to take care of himself. I haven't asked him for any emotional support because my asking would have zero effect. Finally yesterday he said "oh OK I'll give you a hug." And he gave me a hug.
At all time, the most important thing is that I should park the car PERFECTLY.
#58
Working on Us / Re: The toll of chronic invali...
Last post by treesgrowslowly - April 27, 2024, 10:03:49 AMHi LoverofPeace,
It sounds like you are doing 'grey rock' with your sister, which is well known in our community here. recently, I started learning about yellow rock from Dr. Ramani.
I know you said you're kinda feeling overwhelmed and I keep recommending more books and videos to read and watch lol! I don't mean to - and believe me, I definitely had periods where I took breaks from ALL my many self-help books and videos. We need those breaks - they are totally totally valid!
Yellow rock is just a grey rock with a smiley face on it. So like, the thumbs up you did is a yellow-y grey rock cause you sent a positive vibe - "thumbs up sister. Gotta go now".
Your post here reminded me of something we talked about years ago here on the boards - that helped me a lot. When there's someone in our life who is like your Nsis, sometimes the idea of going NC with them is just not sitting right with us. For various reasons. Like you wrote about - you feel worried about the timing, that you'd be ghosting your sister right after she had 2 people in the family pass away.
At the same time, you do need distance from her and you feel it. She keeps trying to draw you in to her world, and you know that right now, that is not what you need. Dealing with her sounds stressful.
What would she do if you said "I know its a rough time, but I need to take a break from phone calls, texts and emails for the next 2 weeks. I'll text you on May XX to check in and see how you are doing".
Some of us were able to do this and instead of feeling the 'all or nothing' pressure of NC, we just hit pause and found a way to get a few weeks "off" from contact with them. Nothing permanent, just a few weeks vacation from their texts or phone calls etc.
Now I know, from being surrounded by emotionally abusive people my entire life, this goes over like a lead ballon with most emotionally immature people. So it really depends if you want to go there or not.
The other way to do that is to just leave more time in between her texts and your replies. That is what I did with my Nmother. I weaned her off of her dependency on me by deciding I would allow ONE visit a month and that was it. That was all she got.
I did not tell her this new plan. I knew exactly what she'd do if I did. She'd rage at me, and make it her life's mission to see me twice that month (just to spite me). If I had told her "mom I'll see you twice a month from now on" she would rage and say "no you won't. You're going to see me 3 times a month and that is that". So its all about control. It's about having control over us. Whatever boundary we set, they need to blast through it. If you tell your sister "I can only text you once a week for the next while" it is not as if she's going to turn into some reasonable, mature adult right? She'll do what ever it is you know her to do when told she can't get her way.
We get scared because we know how they behave when they are mad. They punish people for putting up normal healthy boundaries. Its perfectly normal to go 2 weeks without seeing or hearing from an adult sibling. But of course narc siblings don't know what's 'normal'. They only know what they want. That's why you feel like you are dealing with a child.
In my experience, the rumination was fear. I was worried about what that person would do if I told them I needed a break from their texts or phone calls etc.
Is there a way for you to reduce the amount of contact she has with you right now? Is the contact (even a text is contact) daily? Cause I think the rumination you're dealing with is a stress response. A very understandable one. What do you think?
Some N's do get bored of us if we grey rock. If she's been known to get bored with you before and leave you alone when you don't engage, then hopefully that is what she does this time too. You need space to grieve and to get the break that it sounds like you really are due for! She's stressing you out. Narc stress is real. I hope you get a breather soon.
Trees
It sounds like you are doing 'grey rock' with your sister, which is well known in our community here. recently, I started learning about yellow rock from Dr. Ramani.
I know you said you're kinda feeling overwhelmed and I keep recommending more books and videos to read and watch lol! I don't mean to - and believe me, I definitely had periods where I took breaks from ALL my many self-help books and videos. We need those breaks - they are totally totally valid!
Yellow rock is just a grey rock with a smiley face on it. So like, the thumbs up you did is a yellow-y grey rock cause you sent a positive vibe - "thumbs up sister. Gotta go now".
Your post here reminded me of something we talked about years ago here on the boards - that helped me a lot. When there's someone in our life who is like your Nsis, sometimes the idea of going NC with them is just not sitting right with us. For various reasons. Like you wrote about - you feel worried about the timing, that you'd be ghosting your sister right after she had 2 people in the family pass away.
At the same time, you do need distance from her and you feel it. She keeps trying to draw you in to her world, and you know that right now, that is not what you need. Dealing with her sounds stressful.
What would she do if you said "I know its a rough time, but I need to take a break from phone calls, texts and emails for the next 2 weeks. I'll text you on May XX to check in and see how you are doing".
Some of us were able to do this and instead of feeling the 'all or nothing' pressure of NC, we just hit pause and found a way to get a few weeks "off" from contact with them. Nothing permanent, just a few weeks vacation from their texts or phone calls etc.
Now I know, from being surrounded by emotionally abusive people my entire life, this goes over like a lead ballon with most emotionally immature people. So it really depends if you want to go there or not.
The other way to do that is to just leave more time in between her texts and your replies. That is what I did with my Nmother. I weaned her off of her dependency on me by deciding I would allow ONE visit a month and that was it. That was all she got.
I did not tell her this new plan. I knew exactly what she'd do if I did. She'd rage at me, and make it her life's mission to see me twice that month (just to spite me). If I had told her "mom I'll see you twice a month from now on" she would rage and say "no you won't. You're going to see me 3 times a month and that is that". So its all about control. It's about having control over us. Whatever boundary we set, they need to blast through it. If you tell your sister "I can only text you once a week for the next while" it is not as if she's going to turn into some reasonable, mature adult right? She'll do what ever it is you know her to do when told she can't get her way.
We get scared because we know how they behave when they are mad. They punish people for putting up normal healthy boundaries. Its perfectly normal to go 2 weeks without seeing or hearing from an adult sibling. But of course narc siblings don't know what's 'normal'. They only know what they want. That's why you feel like you are dealing with a child.
In my experience, the rumination was fear. I was worried about what that person would do if I told them I needed a break from their texts or phone calls etc.
Is there a way for you to reduce the amount of contact she has with you right now? Is the contact (even a text is contact) daily? Cause I think the rumination you're dealing with is a stress response. A very understandable one. What do you think?
Some N's do get bored of us if we grey rock. If she's been known to get bored with you before and leave you alone when you don't engage, then hopefully that is what she does this time too. You need space to grieve and to get the break that it sounds like you really are due for! She's stressing you out. Narc stress is real. I hope you get a breather soon.
Trees
#59
Going No Contact with a PD Parent / Re: Stabilization phase
Last post by treesgrowslowly - April 27, 2024, 09:37:39 AMHi River,
I agree with what Moglow shared. You are on to something!
So I am old enough to remember how therapists approached the topic of NC "back in the day" i.e. about 25 years ago or so. Back then I had a therapist tell me that she refused to work with certain clients because they were still in contact with their (narcissistic) parents. That was a hard line she took.
Its possible that she said this because of the value of stabilization in order to get further along with the recovery process. It doesn't mean that people don't benefit from therapy while they are still on contact with someone abusive, but the distance from that abuse (through NC) definitely helped me. And in my case, I really don't think I was going to stabilize while still in contact with my parents. It just wasn't possible. They are too de-stabilizing. Their lives are chaos and NC was the only way for me to get some stability in my life.
I see cptsd as a condition where the symptoms can get reduced (some can go away completely over time). I think it can go into 'remission' when we get more treatment for the symptoms we've still got - so that they don't cause problems for us as often or in such a painful way anymore. Do you have some worries about going back into therapy for the cptsd?
I was recently listening to a recording from Patrick Teahan who is a trauma therapist in the US. He did mention that with good trauma therapy, things can get a bit harder before they get easier. There can be some depression at the start of the therapy for trauma, and you want a therapist who knows how to help you through that part. I had mostly therapists who didn't seem to know how to support that part, which was hard. I hope more of them do learn how to help clients with the steps in the process to treat cptsd.
Trees
I agree with what Moglow shared. You are on to something!
So I am old enough to remember how therapists approached the topic of NC "back in the day" i.e. about 25 years ago or so. Back then I had a therapist tell me that she refused to work with certain clients because they were still in contact with their (narcissistic) parents. That was a hard line she took.
Its possible that she said this because of the value of stabilization in order to get further along with the recovery process. It doesn't mean that people don't benefit from therapy while they are still on contact with someone abusive, but the distance from that abuse (through NC) definitely helped me. And in my case, I really don't think I was going to stabilize while still in contact with my parents. It just wasn't possible. They are too de-stabilizing. Their lives are chaos and NC was the only way for me to get some stability in my life.
I see cptsd as a condition where the symptoms can get reduced (some can go away completely over time). I think it can go into 'remission' when we get more treatment for the symptoms we've still got - so that they don't cause problems for us as often or in such a painful way anymore. Do you have some worries about going back into therapy for the cptsd?
I was recently listening to a recording from Patrick Teahan who is a trauma therapist in the US. He did mention that with good trauma therapy, things can get a bit harder before they get easier. There can be some depression at the start of the therapy for trauma, and you want a therapist who knows how to help you through that part. I had mostly therapists who didn't seem to know how to support that part, which was hard. I hope more of them do learn how to help clients with the steps in the process to treat cptsd.
Trees
#60
Dealing with PD Elderly Family Members / Re: Sounds awful, but will he ...
Last post by SunnyMeadow - April 27, 2024, 09:04:51 AMHi Blueberry, I haven't been here in a few years but checked in and found your post. I think I probably made a similar one! Although it doesn't seem like it will ever happen, it will. They won't go on forever and one day you'll feel the freedom of both of them being gone. A member here, pseudonym wrote this very thing years ago, it will happen - they won't live forever! Her mother, Negatron finally died and my parents did too. I clung to her words and kept them in mind. It helped me get through those maddeningly tough times with my parents. I thought they'd outlive me but they didn't. 
Your dad sounds like he's in rough shape. An elderly body isn't able to keep on ticking after all these symptoms. I doubt he'd make a full recovery. I know how you feel though, waiting and wondering Why and How?!
My story with my narc mom and enabling dad is SO similar to yours. I started backing away from them many years before they died. I had to in order to protect myself. The stress was causing me physical problems.
I say keep doing what you're doing. Your boundaries sound good and solid with conversations kept to a minimum. Like you, I dealt with getting them in assisted living, getting rid of excess furniture, selling their house and more. It was hugely stressful. Go easy on yourself and be good to yourself. Take time off from them and focus on you and your immediate family. Don't feel guilty, you're entitled to feel what you feel. This is a good place to share these things that would probably sound awful to those who don't have PD parents.
Big hugs and understanding!
Your dad sounds like he's in rough shape. An elderly body isn't able to keep on ticking after all these symptoms. I doubt he'd make a full recovery. I know how you feel though, waiting and wondering Why and How?!
My story with my narc mom and enabling dad is SO similar to yours. I started backing away from them many years before they died. I had to in order to protect myself. The stress was causing me physical problems.
I say keep doing what you're doing. Your boundaries sound good and solid with conversations kept to a minimum. Like you, I dealt with getting them in assisted living, getting rid of excess furniture, selling their house and more. It was hugely stressful. Go easy on yourself and be good to yourself. Take time off from them and focus on you and your immediate family. Don't feel guilty, you're entitled to feel what you feel. This is a good place to share these things that would probably sound awful to those who don't have PD parents.
Big hugs and understanding!