Is it hopeless?

[Indifferent]

I have come back here after quite a while. I have been doing so much intense work on myself and feel that I am in the healthiest place mentally/emotionally I've ever been. It feels great to be in my head now!

However OcpdH has not changed at all, obviously. Nothing is, or was ever, wrong with him, so he tells me! So, this is the dilemma, I see three choices -

1. Leave. Which seems like the best choice for my own mental health. However, we are both retired and on a limited joint income. Leaving is going to cause financial hardship while staying affords me a fairly comfortable lifestyle.

2. Stay. And live with the status quo. I am indifferent to H but it doesn't make living with him that much easier. I have many strategies for keeping my own mental health on an even keel now so it isn't as disturbing as it used to be but still frustrating.

3 Try. Try to lead by example alone. I am unsure if this is even possible with a PD because when they feel they are right they just bulldoze over everything and everyone in their self-righteous hissy fit mode. PD is not willing to even admit that there is a problem in the relationship! He says he's happy!!!

Has anyone had any success finding a way to stay in a marriage / relationship where they don't feel like they are compromising their own life? I find it hard to imagine how but maybe someone has an answer for me?

Hugs to you all, fellow travelers.

[SerenityCat]

  Hugs on back.

In your situation I would probably keep a pro/con list going. My choices would be leaving and coping with less income  or staying and coping with those challenges to my mental health and life enjoyment.

I'd probably not do option 3. Other than being a positive role model for whoever might happen to benefit.

I'd keep the pro/con list going (privately, not something he could find) while I take some more time to observe and ponder.

Congrats on all the work you've been doing on yourself!

[1footouttadefog]

One or two.

Either stay or keave.

Dont expect change from the pf, unless for the worse.

Dont waste your time and energy trying to fix them.

Instead work on you amd tue boumdaries needed to keep it livable while decide and after if you do stay.

[Fae Greenwood]

One or two.

Either stay or keave.

Dont expect change from the pf, unless for the worse.

Dont waste your time and energy trying to fix them.

Instead work on you amd tue boumdaries needed to keep it livable while decide and after if you do stay.

I agree. I too have a choice between financial hardship without him and reasonable comfort with him. He thinks we have the best marriage ever while I am so lonely I ache. However if I left I'd probably still be lonely and I'd also be without resources. I look at my options and constantly ask if I'd be better off with him or without hm. Ask yourself the same question. Good luck.