Temporarily going nc or taking space away from a parent

[newjuncture]

Greetings and wishing good health to all,

I could really use some help from anyone who has directly gone nc or taken space away from a parent for a few months to clear the air. What can I indicate straight and to the point in an email about honoring my space and privacy for the time being?  After several attempts to establish boundaries with a parent first with no phone calls and then limiting to email contact, it doesn't seem to help at all.  Going low contact and not responding to messages has only led to other family members being concerned about my well-being during this time.  I am at the point where I won't tolerate any form of manipulation or guilt or related behavior on any level.  It may have worked when I was was a child and didn't know any better, but now I am more confident as a middle-aged adult.  While many people go the silent route during nc with a parent even for a short time, I have found there are times when it is necessary to be more direct and clear in a case like this in a short few sentences. For example, when someone hasn't honored already established boundaries and you are left with no choice but to take a break and some space to accomplish what you need for a while instead of the excessive questioning and contact, are you ok, etc.  It is especially difficult when they don't take your boundaries or work seriously when you need the time to do it. What words, phrases, or sentences worked well for you that were sincere and direct about needing some time away, space, or peace of mind, but in a way that wasn't blaming or putting the judgment back on them?  Thank you.

[Starboard Song]

While many people go the silent route during nc with a parent even for a short time, I have found there are times when it is necessary to be more direct and clear in a case like this in a short few sentences.

I think you are spot on. We went NC 4 1/2 years ago, when my in-laws tried one Silent Treat too many, with too much associated verbal abuse.

I believe that we must never let disordered folks make us act beneath our own principals. If I decide to stop engaging with a family member, for my part I believe it best to be extremely clear what it is I am doing. If we'd been asking for temporary NC, I'd have insisted we explain that we had some personal issues we needed to deal with; that doing so required us to have some very quiet time with no distractions, even from family; that, for that reason, we asked them to respect this need for a few weeks; that, by [whenever] we'd be back in touch to let them know we were ok and to touch base; that we mean no insult, and will be back later, temporarily gone in peace.

As it is, we were accepting their statement that their only goal was to have further relationship with us. Even in that much hostility, we politely explained that that lack of interest in any relationship was incompatible with them having any relationship with our son, and we were explicit about how we were enforcing NC: blocking phones and emails, rejecting all mail, and so on. All dispassionately stated and without judgment.

Going NC is very personal. But if you mean for NC to be temporary, an explanation seems to me to be a forced move. I think NC is kind of fighting words. It is very hurtful, even to healthy people. People with PDs are even less prepared to accept it. So three or four sentences explaining that it is temporary, and something you need for you, without talking about them, is a really good idea, it seems, to reduce the friction.

Hey: good luck. This is hard.