My mother passed away on NYE

[onewayoranother]

I heard of her passing(she was 90) from my brother in the evening on NYE. She was in another state where she had lived for 15 mos.(previously in my state for 23 years after my father died), in a rehab facility after a fall that resulted in a cervical & orbital fracture . Her 4th fall in her Assisted Living room where she has been since April . An illness progressed into her fragility over the past 18 months compounded by her NPD . You all understand.
I was of course, upset when I heard, cried  for a couple of hours. I texted people I thought should know, talked with my immediate siblings. There was nothing else to do. We opened some champagne, enjoyed NYE and toasted her & wished her eternal peace. I felt love for her and pain of loosing my mother.
I feel my struggle with her is over. I have reams of articles I copied in mass when I first discovered what "it" was between us that made it impossible to have a relationship. That was 2012. I gave everything I could and know I was a good daughter. My husband & I shared our life with her. I will burn them in the fireplace & close the door on the chronic "you don'ts and why can't we be like other mothers & daughters" comments .
The most difficult aspect of her psychological conflict was the lies she told to everyone who knew me. It's outstanding that people close to me know we had "difficulty" but no one would hear my story or give me any credibility because after all she is your mother. After all of it  however, I will always be grateful to her for providing some happy memories to me as a child ,giving me a familly and providing for me. As I have been told, she did the best she could. RIP MOM.
I woke up today with a happy thought that she is with my father & her family again. It's a good day.

[ShyTurtle]

I woke up today with a happy thought that she is with my father & her family again. It's a good day.

Awww. I'm so glad that you were able to find peace after all of it.  What a relief it must be for you! Your story also brings me so much hope for my own situation. <3

[SunnyMeadow]

I gave everything I could and know I was a good daughter. My husband & I shared our life with her. I will burn them in the fireplace & close the door on the chronic "you don'ts and why can't we be like other mothers & daughters" comments

I'm glad you're going to burn the articles in the fireplace. Sounds like a good end to that chapter and you simply don't need them anymore. Enjoy the peace. I like that you woke up with a happy thought that's she's with others now.

[practical]

I'm sorry for you loss. The way you are dealing with it shows how much emotional work you have done over the years, how much you have healed, a testament to your strength and ability to take care of yourself, love yourself. uNPDm died 5 years ago and my hope is that she finally found the peace that eluded her during her lifetime.

I woke up today with a happy thought that she is with my father & her family again. It's a good day.

This struck me, your M must have been close to her family if I interpret this right, my M would have made a special request not be to close to her F and possibly a few others if there is an afterlife.

[onewayoranother]

She cried over my father's death every day until her death 23 years later. Verbally saying to her friends "how could he leave me?" When her friends or relatives died, it was still about her loss No empathy.
You are right in saying "she must have been close to her family". Now that I think about it, she wasn't. Her father died in the home of another women at the age of 53.Her brother was killed in WW2 at the age of 22.My grandmother(acutely depressed her entire life) dies at the age of 89. I never saw my mother happy with her.  So perhaps just seeing her father & brother again after all these years would bring her happiness. She cried for them constantly.