Seeking support - once again a cross roads

[newlyawakened]

Hello Friends,

It's been a while since I posted here. I am at the crossroads again in my over two decade old marriage with my uBPDw. My story has been chronicled here before.

Over the last few years our relationship has progressively spiraled downwards into even more verbal abuse, control and emotional rollercoasters interspersed with good times that kept me hopeful. Things came to a head recently when an unfortunate emotional incident occurred that triggered intense rage in my uBPDw. All my pleas to be calm and think before she acted were in vain. She escalated rapidly into an ultimatum that was not acceptable to me. Surprisingly (to myself) I stood firm on my boundary this time perhaps due to some inherent abhorrence of all the verbal abuse that was heaped on me. This resulted in her immediately choosing to separate and leave the home. She left for her parents home in a different state calling it the final good bye. Within hours of taking the action, seeing that I did not make a attempt to stop her or beg her to stay, she flipped to bombarding me with multiple messages/calls pleading, begging and cajoling me to talk to her and asking for forgiveness and to be back. I have been through this several times before in the last two decades, escalating situations until I cave in or if not emotionally manipulating me to hook me back in. I am determined to end this dysfunctional marriage but scared that she will drag me back in. How do I stay firm through what will be endless drama over the coming weeks and months? Looking for your advice to stay the course this time.

[Poison Ivy]

Can you block her messages?

[escapingman]

You need to block all routes of contact and go no contact. File for divorce and let the lawyers deal with it. If you give her an inch she will be back in the house within minutes.

[hhaw]

 
Absolutely....no contact is a restorative balm, IME.

Everyone suffers less.  Even the stbx.