I wonder if he's becoming worse

[Associate of Daniel]

uNPD exH has made some poor decisions this year which are starting to affect how ds15 thinks of him.

I don't want to go into detail at the moment, but some of his decisions are non sensical and obviously only hurt ds15, rather than hurting me. (Although I hurt because ds hurts.)

And in fact uNPD ExH's decisions sabotage himself.

I really wonder if he's losing the plot.

At the very least I think he's clutching at whatever straws he can think of as he watches our ds15 individuate and become independent.  I don't think he's coping too well with this stage of Ds's life.

Is this what any of you have found as your children have grown older?

AOD

[Associate of Daniel]

Thinking about this further,  I have read/heard that many people with npd do gradually become worse with age.  I just would have thought it would be at a greater age than uNPD exH.  He's just turned 48.

It's very interesting but very sad to watch.

AOD

[easterncappy]

They usually get worse with age. One of my friends used to work at a nursing home, and she told me that the "bad ones" always get worse with age... and she could see why the adult children and grandchildren never came around. It's easier to double down than to admit that there's something wrong with them. It'd require admitting that decades of their life were full of incorrect, immoral, and abusive decisions. The vast majority of them aren't going to do that... so they'll just continue poisoning themselves and those around them.

[Associate of Daniel]

Yes.  I remember my gp telling me that many people with pds or upds end up very lonely in old age and that the only people who care about them are those who are paid to do so.

It's very sad.

I just wasn't expecting my uNPD exH to start losing the plot at such a young age.  He's not yet 50.

But he may not be.  It might be a temporary thing as ds16 gradually individuates.

AOD

[Poison Ivy]

My ex-husband, who might have avoidant personality disorder or dependent personality disorder (or both), began abandoning me and our children when our children were in their early teens. This might have been a coincidence (i.e., things going on for my husband happened to occur at the same time as our children becoming teenagers), but I don't think it was.

[escapingman]

My uNPDstbxw started loosing her plot when the girls started to individuate, she is in her 40s. I seriously don't recognise her anymore and I just don't know who she is.

[11JB68]

Updh lost it pretty seriously in the year or so leading up to ds going off to college... and the first year ds was away.

[losingmyself]

I saw this dramatically with H and kids. As soon as they stopped idealizing him and got opinions of their own. Not that they dared voice them

[SeaBreeze]

Parenting teens can be challenging even for non-PD parents, and the empty-ing nest a bittersweet experience for many of us. However, PD parents really seem to take adolescence and other normal developmental milestones toward independence personally (or any child at any age with a mind of their own). My uNPD mom did not handle me, my brother, or her grandkids very well past even the newborn phase, but I'd say when my brother and I both left home, just a few months apart, was really the beginning of my mother's narcissistic collapse.

My uNPDh has not dealt well with our kids growing up (and growing away from him) either. I think part of it is that whole "extension of myself mini-me" view that narcs have of their children. It goes beyond normal generational conflicts of teen rebellion and really throws narc parents into a mental and emotional tailspin when children dare to think, act, or live differently as their own person separate from the parent. Combined with the fact PDs don't age well, it can really speed up their eventual collapse and implosion.

As always, continue being the sane, supportive parent, and your home a sanctuary of unconditional love, that your son will know he can turn to as he grows into adulthood. 

[Cat of the Canals]

My uNPD mom did not handle me, my brother, or her grandkids very well past even the newborn phase, but I'd say when my brother and I both left home, just a few months apart, was really the beginning of my mother's narcissistic collapse.

Had the same experience with my own PDmom, which was very confusing for me because I'd been more or less the Golden Child. To go from GC to feeling like she hated me for no reason was bizarre. But it's probably also the key to my being Out of the FOG now.

[SonofThunder]

As soon as they stopped idealizing....and got opinions of their own.

  is my experience. 

SoT