Needing praise, being the center of attention etc

[Mintstripes]

A suspected narc in my life (someone I've known for many years) seems to seek, IMO, excessive praise and accolades for life milestones (ex: graduation, engagement, wedding, baby news, etc).

Without going into too much detail, they also go to pretty great lengths to announce said milestones. It just feels really contrived and like they're REALLY milking their "15 minutes of fame".

It doesn't always go over very well, in the sense that they don't always get the exuberant, overjoyed response (supply?) they want/are expecting/needing. Like not everyone wants to be part of a video montage about your life. Thoughts?

[Starboard Song]

I know people like that: people who seem to be clearly over the top. And I know folks who do that more than most, but it doesn't seem outlandish. And I guess I know people who are so low-key that they may get fewer pats on the back and attaboys than they deserve.

While this likely correlates with PD status, I suspect many a non-PD does this too. So our job is to send polite congratulations to folks who seem to think it is merited, to not spend on gifts or events we don't think merit it, and -- if they later seem deflated -- to graciously let them have their pity party in private.

[Boat Babe]

Me! Me! Me! Doesn't make for great conversation!

Like Starboard Song said, it's a pretty human characteristic along a spectrum, both extremes being unhealthy/ dysfunctional. (I'm no great fan of heroic humility either !)

Yeah, grey rock the shit out of 'em.

[Starboard Song]

Hey, and Mint Stripes: I just caught your brilliant, witty avatar.

Well done!

[Mintstripes]

I know people like that: people who seem to be clearly over the top. And I know folks who do that more than most, but it doesn't seem outlandish. And I guess I know people who are so low-key that they may get fewer pats on the back and attaboys than they deserve.

While this likely correlates with PD status, I suspect many a non-PD does this too. So our job is to send polite congratulations to folks who seem to think it is merited, to not spend on gifts or events we don't think merit it, and -- if they later seem deflated -- to graciously let them have their pity party in private.

Hi Starboard,
There is definitely a scale, as you mention. I do congratulate them, to be sure, but these behaviors are part of the bigger picture, naturally. This person is a self-proclaimed "drama addict" and often pops in and out of people's lives when it is convenient.

[blunk]

I have definitely known people like this, both (suspected) PD and non. I believe that this type of behavior has been amplified by the current "social media culture"...where everything seems to be about getting more "likes" than the next person.

[Mintstripes]

I have definitely known people like this, both (suspected) PD and non. I believe that this type of behavior has been amplified by the current "social media culture"...where everything seems to be about getting more "likes" than the next person.

Blunk, this is an excellent point. People feel more of a need to broadcast their lives now, I think. Like the "pic or it didn't happen" mindset. Or in some cases, video. Just look at YouTube: "influencer" accounts are extremely sensationalist with click bait-y titles.

[Andeza]

I've seen this applied in the "martyr" category as well. For instance, uBPDm used to harp on in front of family about how sick she was, blah blah blah, and then follow up with how great she had done on my schooling despite everything she was going through. "It isn't easy," she'd throw in in the waif voice. The truth was that it was video school course that flew pretty darn well on autopilot, and it had to because her appearances were limited to grading papers by that point. But she wanted that ego stroked. She wanted to feel good about herself as other people praised her sacrifices.

I concur with social media now being a huge trap for the peacock mentality. The desire for fame has twisted many into doing things they would otherwise not do, along with the need to remain "relevant." It's quite the trap for the unwary.

[Mintstripes]

I've seen this applied in the "martyr" category as well. For instance, uBPDm used to harp on in front of family about how sick she was, blah blah blah, and then follow up with how great she had done on my schooling despite everything she was going through. "It isn't easy," she'd throw in in the waif voice. The truth was that it was video school course that flew pretty darn well on autopilot, and it had to because her appearances were limited to grading papers by that point. But she wanted that ego stroked. She wanted to feel good about herself as other people praised her sacrifices.

I concur with social media now being a huge trap for the peacock mentality. The desire for fame has twisted many into doing things they would otherwise not do, along with the need to remain "relevant." It's quite the trap for the unwary.

Andeza, I can definitely relate to the martyr parent experience. UnPdN father was like this, always wanting praise from everyone for providing us with the basics and telling anyone who would listen how “hard it it with kids” and how “they don’t know how good they have it”. 

I love your phrase “peacock mentality” re social media! Personally, I don’t share pics of DD anywhere online (one thing her father, my UnPDxh agree on, lol). Her life (or mine) shouldn’t be documented for all to see. With the person in my OP, they are consistently disappointed when people don’t care as much as they want. I don’t understand opening the door to any kind of criticism during what should be a happy time. Why bother with a big announcement to an uncle you don’t even particularly like and talk to once a year? Just tell people who matter and who will be happy for you, and no you don’t have to record it for a whole mini-documentary you’ll share with everyone on social media about how people reacted to you getting engaged, for example. It’s just all very self-absorbed and off putting to me.

Edited to add that I’ve also noticed a pattern of trying to convince people/themselves that they are somehow more deserving of praise and adulation because “they really deserve” X thing happening to them and that “well other people just take it for granted but WE have waited for this longer!”

[Andeza]

Yep, that same darn thing could've happened to a million others, but for some reason, for them, it's especially special! As though, you know, billions of other people haven't given birth or gotten married through the centuries... 

And, you have to remember in their minds they're not opening the door to criticism, because they (especially pwPDs!) don't believe they've done anything to be criticized for. In social media, all the "followers" become the scapegoats and extensions of their own ego, and all of them are just supposed to be yes men. Hence the spectacular rages that go down on social media when anyone dares disagree.

[Mintstripes]

Yep, that same darn thing could've happened to a million others, but for some reason, for them, it's especially special! As though, you know, billions of other people haven't given birth or gotten married through the centuries... 

And, you have to remember in their minds they're not opening the door to criticism, because they (especially pwPDs!) don't believe they've done anything to be criticized for. In social media, all the "followers" become the scapegoats and extensions of their own ego, and all of them are just supposed to be yes men. Hence the spectacular rages that go down on social media when anyone dares disagree.

Yes to all this!!!

Just last night, this friend (from my OP) texted me a whole novel’s worth of gossip and drama between her and another friend, about how she supposedly felt slighted and just going on and on in what I now perceive as her typical, self-absorbed way. I have not yet responded because I don’t want to be that supply and am taking my time to think of a grey rock reply.

She says things like “I know this sounds smug BUT”, so tbh I have a feeling the friend she is complaining about is probably sick of her doing that very thing as well. Examples: “We just [made X major purchase] because we can afford to”, “my husband’s job is well paid because not many people can do what HE can”, “I won’t even tell you how much I paid for my new winter boots... well actually I paid $700, I mean I HAVE the money and I want them to last”, “I’m finally not wearing size 16 anymore” (knowing full well her friend wears that size...). I could go on.

[Boat Babe]

She sounds like a bit of an oxygen thief Mintstripes. My Spidey senses are tingling

[Mintstripes]

She sounds like a bit of an oxygen thief Mintstripes. My Spidey senses are tingling

Oxygen thief! I like that.
I've noticed an increase in her attempts to contact me, I've been pretty MC as I don't want to "take the bait" so to speak and get roped into her gossip. Maybe when she realizes I'm no longer "supply" she'll move on to her next target.

Even on a good day I don't want to deal with this, but I have serious deadlines this month and I find it really selfish that she's blowing up my phone with unimportant texts about her friend/family/relationship drama.

I am really glad this board is here and that we can bounce ideas off each other.

I heard from another "friend" last night who I hadn't heard of in ages, lo and behold her sudden "hey how are you?" was just the gateway to her unleashing some dating drama and telling me things I truly don't even care about.

I have had it and am going to stop entertaining people like this. The type who only contact you when it's convenient or when they have a problem, disappear otherwise and often blatantly ignore the things you tell them about YOUR life (spoiler/ because they don't care). I am done being and being seen as their supply.

[Nomoretoday]

I've got a couple who do the "oh yes poor me but look at how great I'm doing." That's literally every other post on social media. Some how their always suffering but make such great strides through all the turmoils they have. It's so frustrating.