Staying happy enough where I am

[LemonLime]

My goal was to re-create a warm relationship with my uPD sibling.   We had a warm relationship until a rage a few years ago.  I've been to therapy to try to figure out how to have a good relationship again. But in our low-contact few years I've found a peace that I am not willing to risk.

I've realized from reading this forum that trying for more of a relationship risks that peace.  Right now I am calm and while I miss sib, I am realizing that the way they have it set up, I likely cannot ever really engage intimately with them again without risking something.    Risking my safety in some way.    Risking my peace....they may decide to start sending email screeds at me, like they have done in the past.   And that was the most unsettling thing ever for me.   I was afraid to open my email for fear of that gut-clench that I would get if I saw a message from them.  And then I couldn't resist reading the email.  And then I couldn't un-see the words.

No, I'd rather be cordial, calm.    I'll get intimacy somewhere else.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I agree, Kat.  Getting intimacy where it doesn't disrupt your peace of mind.

I'm not interested in developing closeness with someone unless there is mutual respect, trust, support, caring, & honesty.  It's not too much to ask, though I certainly would have thought so as a youth.  Today my friendships meet all those criteria.  It wasn't always that way.

[1footouttadefog]

It sounds like you have played this perfectly.  You have accepted the truth of who your sibling is and what the risks are and have found the safe level of interaction. 

This honors both of you and does not ask them to be anyone other than the real them.  It accepts them as they are and you as you are and keeps boundaries against abuse in place. 

Don't let the social pressure about "family" tempt you into an unhealthy relationship. Those pressures are based on a fantasy that does not include pds and difficult people.