Energy Vampire

[Hepatica]

I know this isn't a new line of thought, about toxic PD's being called energy vampires, and today it makes sense to me more than ever. Not only do they suck you dry, either by extracting energy, time or even money, they cannot see it in themselves! My uNPDf cannot see his own reflection. If he really could see himself in "the mirror" he'd see a man with a mountain of hoarding, a mountain of lies and manipulations, a mountain of violence and that he is a person that is charming but really quite scary and dark. But that reflection is a total blank to him.

The myth of the vampire is so old and yet fits so much of the malignant narcissism criteria. Seductive, charming and then sucking the energy out of their victims in so many way, shapes and forms and when they look in the mirror they see nothing.

I always wondered why i was so depleted feeling around my parents and sister. I'd visit and literally feel drained and pale and exhausted.

Anyway, for hundreds of years we've been warned about these people but the vampire story has been taken so literally by most of us, we, or me anyway, disregarded it. It's time for me to wake up and see the danger for what it is. Also, no wonder when we reflect back to them what they are, they scapegoat us. It scares even them to see what they are.

It's also very sad.

Just read this in Thought Catalogue: What To Do When You've Been Bitten
"If you've been the victim of an emotional vampire, it's important that you take a reprieve from this person's toxicity and cut off as much contact as you can with them. Sometimes, the only way to end this type of parasitic connection is by going No Contact. Cutting the cord is at times essential to paving the path back to emotional freedom.

Don't try to reason with emotional vampires more than you already have; it won't work. Instead, use your mental resources for self-care – meditate, do yoga, go for a run, reconnect with nature, seek the warm and gentle comfort of a validating support network. Exercise your agency and reclaim your power by pursuing goals, dreams and friendships independent of this person. Use any and all resources that can help you to detox from this unhealthy person and to move forward from the narcissist's toxic bite." Written by: Shahida Arabi

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Very well said Hepatica. It is so true, these people take from you. I never thought how the vampire cannot see his own reflection and how that parallels NPD's inability to self-reflect. Wow.   
   
It was only after finally realizing a pattern of feeling ill after being around my mom, dad and sister that I started to figure things out. Like you, I was literally drained of energy, positivity, and anything slightly resembling who I am as a person. It took days for me to recharge, and in the last few years I even resorted to burning herbs to clear their bad energy. Oh, the things we do when we allow this in our lives. 

Your quote on "what to do when you've been bitten" is very good. Thanks for sharing. 

[Hilltop]

I really enjoyed reading this Hepatica.  It's been a month since I last had lunch with my parents and I am only just starting to feel energized again.  I have also felt drained and depleted.  I think when my mother looks in the mirror she sees amazement and wonder.  She has so many stories where she shows herself in a positive light, even if something happens to me she will take some glory from it for herself.  However she cannot see the flaws in herself, that is not reflected back to her at all, she is blind to them.

Its so hard because if they say something and you stand up for yourself and they turn it into a thing saying you are "too sensitive" so you decide not to bite and not say anything but then you go home just feeling awful.  It is exhausting.

The part of not trying to reason with an emotional vampire is so true.  It has never worked for me, they just twist things around.

[Thru the Rain]

Thank you for sharing the concept and the quote.

The vampire analogy really rings true for many (maybe all) of the PDs in my life. I used to think of an energy vampire only sucking up energy, but when you also included time and money my uPDFiL popped right into my head.

We've been NC with my FiL for years now, but back when we were still in contact he literally stole money, and essentially stole time all the time. All the while complaining bitterly how everyone was out to steal HIS money and HIS time. Talk about not being able to see himself in the mirror!

[Psuedonym]

Hepatica, this reminds me of the show, What We Do in the Shadows. It's a very funny show, and while PDs aren't in the least bit funny, humor is always an excellent outlet. The show consists of a house full of dracula-like vampires who are trying to navigate the modern world (they're all centuries old). One the people they're forced to turn to is their roommate, who is...an energy vampire. No one is immune to the energy vampire, who drains the life out of everyone with his constant talking and endless search for new victims. The other vampires avoid him as much as possible, as he leaves everyone exhausted after interacting with him. 

[Hepatica]

Psuedonym. I have to watch that show! I have heard about it but I didn't know the premise. I think even movie and sitcom makers are getting quite educated about toxic people. It's reaching a tipping point.

So I had a really weird dream years ago, the kind that you never forget. It was me in my house growing up, and my sister and aunt showing up at the front door knocking. They had wispy white dresses on and red lipstick and they kept knocking and I was terrified of them. I said to my parents, don't let them in!! But my parents were on autopilot and opened the door and they swooped into the room and in my dream I knew they were vampires and we were in great danger. It was so scary, although nothing really happened, I was terrified.

Both my sister and my aunt are very much like that - energy vampires. They are so incredibly charming and fawn over people, but what they want is power, power, power. They have fooled so many people.

It is they, working together, who were the first who turned me into the family scapegoat. Of course they did it after I set a boundary with them. Setting boundaries to them is considered very mean. They want the entire family to think the same as them and to be enmeshed with them.

[nanotech]

I really enjoyed reading this Hepatica.  It's been a month since I last had lunch with my parents and I am only just starting to feel energized again.  I have also felt drained and depleted.  I think when my mother looks in the mirror she sees amazement and wonder.  She has so many stories where she shows herself in a positive light, even if something happens to me she will take some glory from it for herself.  However she cannot see the flaws in herself, that is not reflected back to her at all, she is blind to them.

Its so hard because if they say something and you stand up for yourself and they turn it into a thing saying you are "too sensitive" so you decide not to bite and not say anything but then you go home just feeling awful.  It is exhausting.

The part of not trying to reason with an emotional vampire is so true.  It has never worked for me, they just twist things around.

I was thinking today about when our family meals turn toxic. There's a lot my NPDdfather can say about me but it's never the good stuff.
It's very often a silly story about when me and then -boyfriend -now/ husband spent a lot of money on a taxi. I've heard this story a million times. The last time he tried it I sabotaged it a bit by telling everyone the end before he got there! (he tells it slowly, and with great drama). I also added on that he hadn't paid for it, hubby had.
He didn't like that.
I have thought though, when they start this nonsense it's really not too much of an overreaction just to politely say goodbye and leave.
I've stopped going to these family meals, but if I'm say, visiting him in hospital, and he  manages again to start relaying this story, I'm just going to get up and leave. I'll say bye, and I'll go.
Sensitive? You bet!

[MamaDryad]

Ugh, the STORIES. So many hilarious family stories about what an anxious, squeamish child I was. I was so difficult, so dramatic, so ridiculous.

I vowed never to do that to my kid. He's afraid of weird stuff, because he's four. But he's also a human being who deserves respect and privacy.

[jenlem]

Hepatica, that is so interesting! I love that analogy and will have to try and remember that next time I feel so drained. It's so perfect, isn't it?!

[SparkStillLit]

That show is screamingly hilarious, I think.
Updh is certainly an energy vampire, and Dd, who has gone NC with him, rather inadvertently, I guess, and she hasn't blocked him, but she isn't responding to him or interacting with him at all, and she said this to me: Dad is very taxing to talk to, and I just don't have the energy right now.
Of course he's going absolutely stark raving mad over it, and is pulling out all the stops on me. Grrrreeeeeeyyyyyy Rooooocccckkkkk.
She's actually kind of gone LC with me. But what contact we have, she is pleasant, kind, seems well and still shares with me, so.....
I know I over hovered her in the aftermath.
ANYWAY. That's another story.