This is a problem I have

[Prototypian]

I have a problem and I guess I may have a victim or bpd syndrome.   

I find myself desiring human interaction so bad that I actually get a small amount of joy when she talks to me when she is angry about something.    I'm so tired of my stress level around her but she is in her computer and phone for 16-18 hours a day on political stuff.   Today when I came home from working on my little house she lit into me about the dishwasher and the way it was loaded and i was actually glad she was talking to me.   This is my only interaction with her and it's all I get and somehow I've been conditioned to actually like it.

[notrightinthehead]

now that you are aware of this, it should be easy for you to get more of her attention. How about you start getting rid of  the clutter in your house that you resent?

[Prototypian]

now that you are aware of this, it should be easy for you to get more of her attention. How about you start getting rid of  the clutter in your house that you resent?

Thanks but no, definitely can't live like this anymore.   I just realized it the other day and that it's bad for me.   I'm continuing my work to get moved out; side hustle to save money, got a phone that's not on her books and have been slowly getting through inspections at the city with the house renovations.

I just noticed that I'm programmed to appreciate any attention she gives me which is usually in anger.  It's still scary when she blows up but I find that after days or weeks of isolation even the blow ups are ok.