Hi I’m new!

[Tranquil]

Hi! I need somebody to talk to. Briefly I come from a large family. Always new one of my sisters was "off" but didn't realize it's probably BPD1 until coming here. Spent some time with my 2 sisters Friday and afterword had this horrible feeling of being very alone. Not unusual, has happened before. When my enabler sis and BPD1 sis get together they totally ignore me. For example we were in the car, the 3 of us, they were in front, I was in back and they talked together in low voices I could barely hear about various subjects, never addressed me or included me. Only talked about things they had in common. My BPD1 sis tries to exclude me from our family. My other sibs are usually supportive and ignore her but my enabling sis just goes along with it. I'm sure enabling sis sees what is going on but is afraid to stop.

I didn't realize how damaging this was to me until I came home and started bawling. I have one other sis and I talked to her. She said she sees what's going on but has no idea how to change it. I am a grown woman, married with children, and have a good life. Why can't I just ignore my BPD1 sis and not let her get to me? Especially when I know it's so harmful to my well being. If anyone out there can clarify please help! I feel I could write a book but all the way she harms me are already listed on this site under BPD1. What can I do?

[Boat Babe]

What can I do?  We all ask this question, repeatedly. It's inevitable when we have a disordered person in our lives. It's also a question that needs clarification so that we can arrive at an answer. It helps to break the question down as follows.

What can I do about my family member/partner etc who has a PD and is hurting me?   The answer is pretty much nothing. You cannot make them better and you cannot make them treat you with the respect and kindness that you need.  Until you fully accept that there is nothing you can do to help them, you will continue to suffer. It's a very hard realisation, very hard. However, it is also the beginning of wisdom and coming out if the fog. It means you can start answering the next question in a really positive and productive way.

What can I do about myself in this situation?  THIS is the golden ticket. THIS is the question that will truly help you. This question will help you to protect yourself, to enquire within, to change some of your behaviours and reactions, to really improve aspects of your life.

We look forward to seeing you here on the forum.

[bloomie]

Hi there! Adding a warm welcome to you. So grateful you have joined us for support and encouragement and yet so sorry things are so painful in this sibling relationship.

It is incredibly hard to understand the scapegoating by a sibling and the harm this does to us into adulthood. There is something about how it has the potential to threaten the other family relationships and dynamics that can keep us stuck. I look forward to your participation here as you work through this and find a healthy and firm path forward!

[tragedy or hope]

I have no sister's so I really don't know. I do know you have come to a portal to a new way of thinking and dealing with it here on this site. I too welcome you. The posts you see are for everyone to read, so you will not be left out. In fact, you may feel more included here than other places in your life. I hope you stay. I bet you will find some helpful ideas here if you do a little exploring of the site.

Again welcome. Our feelings usually have little to do with age. We get to feel however we feel. No judging here.