Hello - Thank You for this Site

[CapeStorm]

Hi,

Wow, I think I've said the Serenity Prayer more times than the Pope has said mass, teaching myself at each time to accept less than I'm worth. I say I've made peace with my lot in life - IDK if that's true.

I come from a country where mental health resources are scarce and there is certainly no support groups for people with PD others in their lives.

Fear, Obligation, Guilt pretty much sums up two major threads in my life. Having a single parent who is OCPD and has refused to get therapy. And being raised in a home that prides itself on its Roman Catholic roots. Then you can add to that coming from a highly reserved eastern culture that expects obedience and reverence to those older than we are and teaches that suffering is a gift given by the Gods to help your journey to self-realisation.

I think I'm probably the stereotypical guy Freud had in mind when he said "absent father + controlling mother = gay son".  I lived much of my earlier life in search for validation and so am educated to the postdoc level & was the youngest tenured full professor in my country. I've since exited academia, which is itself a real emotional battleground, to do more meaningful work although this has been interrupted by corona.

I'm a mother enmeshed man, and mom continues to hold such a tight codependent grip that I'm 45 this year and have never had a romantic relationship, I've made peace with the fact that that ship has probably sailed. My therapist says that my experience with my PD mom has left me with an insecure-avoidant attachment style.

And there are no friends. Acquaintances, colleagues even activity partners (I'm an avid hiker and back packer - notice no team sports) but no friends.

Then there's about 5 chronic illnesses, 3 of genetic origin, adult-onset epilepsy (with a seizure about every 6 weeks on average) and dysthymia (can I thank mom for this as well???).

I used to pray for mom's death, hoping that would give me some freedom. Now I realise that I may be too old to enjoy being free by the time that happens. Now all I can hope for is another lifetime with a fresh start.

I hope this is a place I can go to share my story, to give and receive support and learn better skills on how to deal with my many many problems.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! So glad you found us and sorry you had to. This forum is full of information and support. Have you checked out the toolbox tab?  Also check out the posts on the  Dealing with PD parents tab, you might find some posts there that are similar to your experiences. See you around on the boards!

[Boat Babe]

Namaste Cape Storm
Welcome to the forum. Here you will find wisdom and compassion, great healers imo. The info on the Out of the FOG website is gold and has helped me enormously, but it has been the convos on the forum that have been the most valuable. Real people, sharing their experiences, inner thoughts and feelings and offering support without judgement.

I would say that it is NEVER too late to have a good life and that you CAN move forward to emotional be Independence and a fulfilling intimate relationship.

Looking forward to seeing you on the boards.