Mentoring

[Bella]

Hi guys,
I haven't posted in awhile, I have been paralysed again.
I have been working on myself at least trying to.

My question to you guys is who can I reach out to for help in getting back on track career wise and building a stable life ?

I don't know if  an executive adviser is the right way to go, or some kind of mentor, because there is so much I can't openly talk about because they simply won't believe me or they won't understand why the abuse impacted me so much since the N has managed to paint the perfect picture of care and love.
The therapist is fine to figure out feelings but not for a career.
I am looking for someone who can understand and I have no idea how to go about it.
I can't really google career mentor with experience in narcissism abuse, that is ok with boundaries and not knowing everything and client with major trust issue.

I am just looking for a direction to investigate.

[11JB68]

How about a therapist who is also a 'life coach'?

[DetachedAndEngaged]

My $.02, for what they are worth...

Finding someone who can be a good career mentor/counselor/guide and a PD recovery support person is going to be very difficult. Kind of like finding a vendor at the farmers' market who raises goats and makes awesome cheese while running a boat that pulls up great scallops.

A therapist with lots of knowledge and experience with PDs is likely your best bet on the general life stability/skills side.

On the career side, I had success when I was younger engaging the services of career counseling center at a local college. They evaluated my skills, interests and personality predilections and helped give me a sense of different paths I could follow. If that interests you, check in with a community or state college--its not unusual that they have centers that are open to people who aren't enrolled and their prices are more reasonable than other options.

I've found professional peer support groups to be more helpful than coaches. Vistage is one organization you might check out. Not cheap and you have to find the right fit with the right chapter. Maybe try local web searches on "peer career/professional/executive support."

There are tons upon tons of personal/executive/life coaches out there and most of them don't have much a clue, but they can help hold you accountable. I've known many of them and generally they believe themselves far more wise than they are. The danger there is that most of them tend to subscribe to the "life is whatever you think of it" school of thought and will gaslight the hell out of you + victim-blame if the issue of PD abuse comes up.

Stay away from Landmark Worldwide/Education/Foundation/Forum (whatever they call themselves these days) or any coaches that come out of that outfit (there are a lot of them): victim-blaming central. They will mess you up--I've seen it with my own eyes.

Starting by setting one task that gets you close to your goal is a way to move forward. Just one task per day will move you seven steps forward in a week.

[treesgrowslowly]

I think some of this will depend on what field you are in but i think it might be an idea for you to talk with your therapist if you have a good one, about what criteria is most important to you. For example some people know that routine is when they function best so a job with the same schedule week to week helps them a lot.

Other people do better when they can work nights. Some people know they need half shifts because full shifts (especially when working with people) can be too taxing. For some people traveling for work is exciting. What works for one person doesn't fit for the next. That applies to us after recovery from PD abuse as well.

Not sure if that helps but the idea is to consider what are the green flags when it comes to people and how does that apply to your future- including the job search.

After PD abuse we all learn what red flags are and how to see them. Green flags are the things we know we need. Green flags that apply to both jobs and people can be: predictability. Or : respect for others time. Can you talk to your therapist about what work conditions he or she thinks would help you to thrive?

After PD abuse we have dealt with a lot of being disrespected, invalidated and betrayed. Taking your time to understand where you are at and what type of job conditions you want is important.

I agree with the previous post be wary of groups and Corps and read articles / listen to podcasts about high pressure groups that sell "confidence building" strategies. So much covert victim blaming out there...

Trees