New - and recently affected.

[Eden13]

Hi, this site was recommended by my counsellor.
I've just recently found out the truth about a 'wonderful'  man I've been involved with for five years - multiple layers of complex deception, multiple affairs at the same time, the same lies to each of us, financial deceptions, and very little empathy for any of the people he's hurt.  It's classic BPD with narcisstic traits, I'm told. It fits perfectly but is something very new to me 
He looks upset and ashamed, but it's clearly not for what he's done to us, it's for what he's lost in terms of the carefully curated image of wealth, success, sensitivity that's been blown to pieces. Everyone, his family, friends, WIFE (yes, wife), know what he really is now. That's his only source of shame.
I'm not shocked in one sense, I'd come to realise something was wrong. But my head is exploding with the sheer size of the deception, and the years I've lost. The feelings that weren't real. All the lies I believed. It's like something you read in a scandal magazine. 
Hoping I can find some company here, my friends don't understand why I didn't see it, and I can't explain how plausible he was. 

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! I am sorry this happened to you. Looking back, with time you might realize how many red flags you chose to ignore and you might start wondering what made you decide to ignore these signs. That is the moment when the real work starts, the work on yourself. You had this painful experience and now you might decide to use it to grow and become stronger and more aware of your motivations and the behaviour of others.
Check out the Personality traits tab and check how many traits you could tick for your friend as a start.

[Boat Babe]

As Notrightinthehead has said, the silver lining to any encounter with a PD is the opportunity it offers to delve deep inside and do some inner, transformative work.

This might seem like very little comfort when you are in excruciating pain from abuse, betrayal and malice. We all get that and those who say this have been where you are now. We know.

Right now, you are in the first stage of coming Out of the FOG. You need to ensure your well-being through self care and lots of self compassion. You also need to be aware that people with PDs can be very manipulative and that this person is very likely to "Hoover" you. You don't want to go there, so please educate yourself as much as possible about the pathology of these disorders. This website has solid gold information.

This forum has been a godsend for me and I hope it will be for you.