how to deal with people disagreeing with you?

[saltwater]

or people disliking you or otherwise having emotions toward you that arent overtly positive?    logically i understand that not everyone is going to agree with me or even like me for that matter but in practice i cannot deal with this at all...

[GettingOOTF]

I internalized the phrase “what other people think of me is none of my business”.

I have come to see that people form their options of others based on their own options of themselves. People project a lot and their views of others are often projections.

I no longer argue with people who disagree with me. Depending on the subject I either don’t discuss it with them and keep the relationship or I end the relationship and continue working on building a circle of peole who share my beliefs and values.

For me there is nothing to be gained by arguing with others. It’s not worth the time and effort to me.

I used to be very very codependent. I couldn’t stand when people disagreed with me. It was like I had a physical reaction and I couldn’t rest until I’d changed their mind. I read Codependent No More and have put a lot of work into understanding and changing my own toxic behaviors. My need to control how others saw me and what they believed was a big one for me.  Sometimes it’s still difficult not to open my mouth to correct others but it gets easier with time.

Truly, what other people think of you really is none of your business. 

[Phoenix Rising]

I am still working on this myself but what I've uncovered so far is the more I looked into codependency and strategies to overcome that, the more secure I became in not requiring others' approval. The more confident I became in my own thoughts, opinions and feelings and the less I cared what other people thought about me. This may be an area you may wish to explore yourself. I've learned too that it is acceptable to maintain or state your disagreement then move away the matter entirely if you sense you're beginning to feel triggered in any way.

[Mintstripes]

Thank you so much for posting this. I feel quite similarly. I get triggered and angered very easily by these things and I haven't yet found a therapist who has helped me process it all.

I like some of the advice posted here.

Do you tend to ruminate? I find that I just CAN'T let things go, I'll think about it and feel enraged about it the whole day, then usually have a sob fest and move on. But it cuts deep.

[saltwater]

Thank you so much for posting this. I feel quite similarly. I get triggered and angered very easily by these things and I haven't yet found a therapist who has helped me process it all.

I like some of the advice posted here.

Do you tend to ruminate? I find that I just CAN'T let things go, I'll think about it and feel enraged about it the whole day, then usually have a sob fest and move on. But it cuts deep.

happy to open up this conversation and yes omg. it's like i need to throw a fit to justify how angry it made me, otherwise it feels like the anger was for nothing

[1footouttadefog]

For me it helps to dive in and see what the pain and percieved rejection reminds me of then sort the dofferences vetween to senarios and examine my own projection of past pain onto the present.

I also discovered thst due to having narcs in my FOO and marrying into a narc and of rich family that I tended to overshare.  PD interactions are often enmeshments yet at the same time one is deprived of real intimacy.  Its easy to exprect too much to fast from new social interactions. Between being starved for interactiin and being known and being "trained" thst enmeshment is normal its easy to go past the comfort zones of others.  Whether being TMI, or too emotional, ir simply dealving to deeply into a topic with information, I have to be careful and think about other oeooles comfort zones.

I found that some rejections were simply about this too muchness not actually a rejection of me overall.  I have had some folks express this as they got to know me better.  And then there is the reality some folks are not healthy fornus to be involved in or they are not match or not a holistic match.

Keeping touchy topics like religion, politics and personal history out of a relationship until you know its safe and wanted by the other party to wade deeper in those areas can help keep aquantances safe on the surface.  Some folks can be one dimensional freinds as well.  I habe people Indoacuss hobbies with but not much else becaise we cannot connect on other things.  I have freinds I talk about books and news with but not religion.  Business aquaintences that are surface only and others that know all my crap.   

I hope you also find some understandings that help you on your journey.