Haircut

[losingmyself]

I got a haircut yesterday. He asked who I did that for, and if one guy at work liked it. He said he didn't like it, then started yelling that I shouldn't ask him his opinion if I'm not going to do what he says. I haven't asked him his opinion about how I should cut my hair since I realized that it's my friggin' hair. A long time ago.
Sigh. If I wasn't already so numb inside, I would have been crying last night. He was on a tirade. Complains that I don't do anything, then gets irritated if I'm off doing something. "you just don't want to spend time with me..." On the heels of, "Are you ever going to finish this??"
Well WTF

[11JB68]

So sorry you're dealing with this!
IMO with pwpd the hair thing is one more control issue. One more thing where they see us as an extension of them.
Last time I got mine cut short Updh raged and criticized, told me only lesbians and old ladies have short hair!
Then he makes a huge deal about ds having long hair (boys should have short hair and girls should have long hair).
This was one of the issues that lead me to this site.

[FreeSophia]

I am glad that you got your hair cut for you and that you do not ask him his opinion anymore. Getting your hair cut is something that should be fun and make you feel good about yourself. Sucks to get ragged on immediately afterwards about it. It is hard to be in a relationship where you have to block off your feelings towards another persons opinions in order to feel okay with yourself. *hugs*

[tragedy or hope]

You must be "lookin good" and his insecurities are being exposed. Good for you. Hope you feel good about yourself in spite of his childish response. He's very insecure. If you want to mess with him or have the patience... tell him all the things he loves to hear that make him feel he is loved and the best thing in town. Soon he will weary. He is unable to tell you how insecure he feels.

He also can't stand your confidence.

[blunk]

losingmyself, I can relate to ALL of that. It wasn't necessarily about my hair, I've always worn it long. But whatever changes I made were always assumed to be about someone else...when I started working out/running (after he told me that I was fat), if I wore makeup or perfume (or even changed the scent of deodorant I used), if I shaved my legs (of course if I didn't, then I was disgusting or hairy as a gorilla), even wearing a particular color raised questions as to whether it was someone else's favorite.

And the not spending time was a big one too. I was working 2 jobs to support us while he sat home, but the weekend job was "taking away from our time", my running group was "taking away from our time", etc., etc., blah blah blah. Similarly he would tell me that something needed to be done...like the bathroom needed to be cleaned, or we needed xyz from the grocery store, but if I took longer than he thought I should I was avoiding him. Not to mention that he could have done these things while I was working if his real concern was maximizing the time we got to spend together.

After a while I realized that all of this was about me doing something that took my attention, or someone else's away from him. It really was so exhausting. I am sorry that you are facing this now. Despite his nonsense, I'm glad that you did something for yourself. A nice haircut/new style can be truly refreshing!

[losingmyself]

Thanks everybody. It's so disheartening to always be accused of cheating. Like I would want two of them! I told him that one time, "yeah, that's what I want, two of you."
I considered saying "you know, I've heard that usually the person who's doing the accusing is actually the one who's cheating" I know he isn't but I think it might shut him up.
He hates change of any kind.
I don't know if it's reactive to how I felt the other day, like finally my body is catching up to my mind, but today I am having anxiety attacks, and trouble keeping myself from crying. I just get so down, and today is one of those days.
I hate most everything about my life, except my kids.
My sister is visiting from another state and we're going to see her tomorrow. I think part of it is that I know I have to watch myself to not give him any ammo. And that makes me sad.
He'll hate not being the center of the world, but since he's covert narc, he'll just sit quietly and watch me.
Blunk, it's tiring isn't it?? "stop and pick up this and this on your way home."   "what took you so long??" I must have been having a tryst in that extra 2 minutes.
tragedy, I am not a person who would draw attention to anyone. No matter my haircut, but thanks! And I do fawn over him all the time. It's like a child.. "who's a special little boy??"

[blunk]

It's like a child.. "who's a special little boy??"

Thank you...this line made me laugh a little too hard! Something I would say to my dog.

And yes, it is exhausting. I am so glad that I was able to get out. Sending you strength.