Advice on getting a Fitbit re privacy

[Cascade]

I am thinking of getting a Fitbit but am wondering if I'll regret it. My Pd husband already has one so I'm assuming we will become "friends" on there, so he'll be able to see how many steps I take. Do any of you have experience with your spouse then wanting to know why you have so many steps on a particular day? The reason I'm asking is because my husband already gets jealous, for lack of a better word, when I go to the park without him, or even a simple walk.

[GettingOOTF]

I have a Fitbit and I love it however I have over the years thought it would be a scary tool for abusers to keep track of people.

If he is already suspicious this will likely only add to that. I was married to an abusive man and in my experience it takes very little to set them off. I'd not put myself in the position of giving him any ammunition.

You can get basic lo-tech pedometers that only track your steps and don't have any community aspect.

I'm really sorry that this is something that you have to consider. My Fitbit brings me such joy, it's such a simple little thing that has brought about big changes for me.

When I was married we only had one cell phone, which was my exes (and I paid for). He questioned every single thing I did  and demanded to know where I was and why it took so long etc. I can only imagine how a Fitbit would have wound him up.

I took up running and got a running watch. This was years ago before everyone had one. I don't think he quite understood what it was but as soon as I took up running he insisted on running with me. He hated running but wouldn't even allow me that one small thing. I was training for a marathon and by the time it was over I hatred running too. I've never taken it up again.

[Cascade]

That's really too bad about the running. I'm not worried my husband will get jealous in the way you mentioned, but he thinks I should just sit at home and do nothing until we can do it together. Not that he outright says that but if I said I went for a walk, he'll say "without me?"

[Boat Babe]

Your husband's behaviour is controlling. There is no other word.  Can I ask if this is a recent development? Have you noticed an increase in controlling behaviour?

I ask because my first romantic relationship with a very, very abusive man swiftly descended into that type of behaviour and became a nightmare. Example: we we're living together and he was at work. A friend rang and suggested meeting up for a drink that evening. Yeah, cool. I left a note for my bf saying I was meeting a friend and would be back later. An hour later he was standing outside the pub in a cold fury. He then stormed in and demanded that I return with him. My friend was so shocked. What I should have said was "Fuck off" but lil old codependent me just meekly followed. I was then subjected to hours of raging, word salad  and accusations. Lucky my friend was female or it would have been worse. 

Your time is YOUR TIME. No-one, even a spouse, has the right to demand that you spend all your time with them.

[SparkStillLit]

Do you HAVE to let him on your "friend" list? I guess it would be SUSPICIOUS if you didn't, huh? What a shame. I loved my fitbit, updh didn't have one, and friends at work had "contests" about steps and such. It was fun.
Maybe a different device he doesn't have?
They will wreck your fun. I've seen it with my kids. They just OVERTAKE stuff and make it no fun for anyone.

[SeaBreeze]

Just want to say this is exactly why I do not share or participate with uNPDh on anything like this. Our health insurance has an app that can be tied in with FitBit, but also used on its own. With or without FitBit,  family members can use the app to share their fitness goals with each other, including daily steps, weigh in, calorie intake, water intake, etc. I refuse to even download the app and H eventually stopped pestering me to do so. In a healthy marriage, it might be nice to encourage accountability with fitness goals. With PD, this would just be another way for H to control me, question me, shame me, monitor me, while comparing his oh so superior progress to mine. (Yet my numbers from each annual physical are consistently better than his, which has him flummoxed.) Heck no; I will set and track my own fitness goals, thank you very much!

[Cascade]

Can I ask if this is a recent development? Have you noticed an increase in controlling behaviour?

No, this isn't a recent development and he's been at this level of controlling behaviour for many years.

Do you HAVE to let him on your "friend" list?

I won't add him and will pretend like I don't even know about "friends" on there but if he adds me I'll accept his request. I think (and hope) as long as I don't have an abnormal amount of steps in any given day, he will probably just ignore it. He knows I walk a lot at work so that will account for most of my steps.