I get p*ssed sometimes, though!!!

[SparkStillLit]

Today he never took the trash to the kerb. Just sat inside all day. DS wasn't here to do trash. He has NOTHING TO DO ALL DAY. He can shower ANY TIME. I am super dirty when I come home, but he waits till I'm undressed and about to get in there, and he scoots in. IT DRIVES ME NUTS. Now I have to wait for the water to heat.
He doesn't do ANYTHING. Not my chores, not anyone else's chores, not any of the things that need doing, NOTHING!!  I have no idea if he's looking for a job. He's done no interviews nor applied to anything I know of.
I know I'm venting, and I'm sorry. It just got on my last good nerve today.

[SparkStillLit]

Wow, used my towel, dirty cups on my side of the sink, dirty dishes upstairs....I must have offended.
I'm just blowing my stack here because I want to have ZERO RESPONSE to this stuff in real life. ZIP.
Also, not on this particular topic, but with the STUPENDOUS news on DD? He didn't even ask if I heard from her. Acted like nothing had happened. When I finally approached him at end of evenining with "isn't this great?" he had a muted positive response. He promptly moved on after that to negatizing and ranting about election stuff, and that has been his focus since. He had some positive interaction with her, got cute pics, couple sentences and back to election.
He's mad my health hasn't been super and I haven't been cooking again. Threw a couple low key fits over that.

[blunk]

I'm so sorry, Spark. He is definitely trying to get a response out of you, it's good that you are venting here instead.

Glad to hear you were able to get back to work, and that your DD is doing better. Hugs to you.

[tragedy or hope]

Someone else is getting attention from you. PD's have a target person on which all their "stuff" is used. You sound like the target. You are to be his everything. And he yours. DD is in the way.

He cannot acknowledge her the way you do, because HE is on HIS mind. Always.

There really isn't much room for others. I see my unpdh shut down as soon as one of my children gets praise from me. He changes the subject, calls the dog, whatever. I have to ask him how he feels about it, or say something to include him.

His remarks are short and simple. Then... what's for dinner? Is today trash day? Anything to take the joy out of the moment for someone else.

Since I know this, I often don't bother with him when I am sharing joy with one of my sons. I smile and ask him how he is doing when the conversation is over. I then attend to him... "can I get you something?" and enjoy my thoughts without his shenanigans. i am so much the better for it.

[SparkStillLit]

This is a really good idea. Let him lead. If he wants to ask after her, great. Or mention it, or whatever. Otherwise, as Gram used to say, Nuts to him!
Thanks, you guys. Dealing with PDs is just so maddening sometimes. My T helps a great deal. She and I discussed DS. If there is ANY such thing as natural immunity, DS oddly has these great ways of setting boundaries, and he's WAY more ballsy than I am. I never demonstrated that. I don't know where he learned it! I'm in awe. ANYWAY.
Today is a new day.

[Lauren17]

What is it with the shower?!!  H always seems to know when I'm headed there and jumps ahead of me. He doesn't alway empty the water tank, but when he does, he denies it. Because I can somehow be convinced tepid water coming out of the faucet is actually hot?!!
I am fortunate in that H has a job. But all he does is work, and watch TV. We have the same taking out the trash problem and the dishes all over the house. It's infuriating!
ToH has the right idea. Since DD1 has gotten older, I share only the bare minimum with H. I figure if she wants dad to know these things, she can tell him.
It's hard, um glad we have Out of the FOG to share.

[Andeza]

If I were a vindictive type... and married to a pd person that liked to jump in the shower every time I was heading for it, I might do dishes, laundry, and flush every toilet in the house while I waited.

I'm not saying do that though, just enjoy a little laugh at the thought.

What i am saying is that it is absolutely intentional, and meant to annoy. If you have a second bathroom, I would use it. If you don't, maybe a gym membership. Additionally, on demand water heaters are awesome. 

[SparkStillLit]

I've wanted an on demand water heater forever. Of course, by not working, this ensures we're literally barely making it and I can't get one. I've had it with the shower nonsense, though, and I have backup tools posted in the "guest" bathroom upstairs, now. I don't know why I didn't do that before. I guess because I had 2 kids in the house, and DS used that bathroom, but still. Eff that noise.
This must be akin to an extinction burst (oh how I wish), because he's really pulling all the stops. In this way I know I'm doing well with my MC and ignoring this behavior. It's not getting the desired outcome. Yay me.....I guess.....this is so gross.....
By the way Andeza if I shower at the same time, the water WILL get cold quickly, and I can tolerate tepid water, where he can't at all. He has to have it blazing hot. I bet my showering upstairs puts an end to that behavior REAL quick.