Therapist does not get the issues I suffer from everyday

[chessman6500]

I only recently awoke to find I was abused all my life. I get yelled at every time I make the smallest mistake or forget to do something, I keep being worked to death even though I am tired. She does not see that I am tired nor does she care. She does not care about my needs for the most part, only hers, and its only when I've done what she deems is excellent service to her that she will reward me which is manipulation.
My therapist constantly sides with my mom thinking she is right all the time. He has called me names such as a retard, loser, he says I am a selfish person which I am not and says I don't understand how to be courteous with others.
My mom hides her abusive behavior in real life outside but she has sometimes let her negative tendencies slip unnoticed.
I am getting really sick of this. I do live on my own but she constantly calls to check up on me while I'm there and won't leave me alone, almost to the point of stalking/obsession. She has also been talking about COVID every day and I am tired of hearing about the same topic over and over, and she always tries to critique me because she has a bad sense of perfectionism.
I want a girlfriend who will actually show me unconditional love and will also understand that I am not a liar and what I am going through is raw and real. I am honestly nervous to bring my future girlfriend to meet my mom because of her psychopathic, manipulative behavior. I am also worried she would get in the way of our relationship. I have never had a girlfriend and I feel as though this is because I never knew what unconditional love was and still don't know, but I wish I can be taught and try to heal from this big mess I was put into. I know for a fact when I have kids I will try to keep them away from my nmom. I do not want her to manipulate them.
I desperately want to change to a therapist who has a great understanding of personality disorders but I know they are rare and my therapist seems to be holding me hostage, like he tells me he's the only therapist who will call to check up on us which is irrelevant if he's not being useful as far as my issues and needs are concerned, and he said who will provide better help than him. This is bologna. I can see right through it and worst of all, he has been in practice for over 2/3 of a century and yet he seems this ill informed about my situation.
He is literally holding me against my will. I don't know how to change doctors without possibly going to an attorney, but I'd rather not go that far unless I have to. If I don't pick up the phone when he calls for a session and refuse to participate he calls me selfish and cruel.
How can I change therapists in this situation? I'm so upset that very few people know the damage narcs and borderlines cause, and yes I acknowledge they are people and they just have different brain wiring, but even still, abuse of any kind shouldn't be tolerated. When you try to ask for advice, all you generally hear is crickets. Its a shame.

[notrightinthehead]

Have you read through the toolbox tab? There are strategies described that might assist you in protecting yourself better with both, your mum and your therapist.
I presume you are an adult and can make your own decisions. One of the decisions can be to terminate a phone call when the other person calls you names. You do not have to take that. You can set a boundary there, tell yourself, I will walk away, hang up, remove myself, when another person calls me stupid. I will not allow myself to be abused. And then you do it. Every time. Good luck!

[Hepatica]

Any therapist who calls their client a loser, a retard or selfish is not only unprofessional they are most certainly breaking a code of conduct. There is no legal binding to a therapist. You are free to leave at any time, as you are with your NMom, depending on your age. There should be no abuse in either of these relationships. I am very sorry that you are experiencing this.

Please consider consulting another therapist and explaining what is happening. The good thing right now is you can receive therapy online, so location isn't a barrier. Jerry Wise, a therapist who is an expert on PD's talks about this on Youtube. It might help you to watch some of his videos and then find out how to reach the therapists he says are available.

You can heal. You can learn better ways of living. The first step is to become educated and then move to action that will set your healing into motion.

[SaltwareS]

Unfortunately sometimes therapists are really controlling and dysfunctional. It's hard to say this because I don't want people who would like therapy to believe all therapists are controlling. Only some of them are.

But you can find a better one if you decide to take that risk.