Post Narcissism Stress Disorder

[hyacinthh0use]

Hello! I am new to the forum and trying to make sense of recent events in my life.

Let me start with the background: this year has been terrible for me. I lost my grandfather (my father figure) and my great grandmother on the same day, and have been struggling with a series of bad events after another since. I am currently working full time, going to school for my master's, and was trying to juggle a relationship with someone with two young kids. I was watching them a lot and cooking/cleaning most of the time, supporting them financially because their mother does not, and I got very overwhelmed with everything. As a result, I went into a depression. I had been in this relationship for about 2 years with someone (who I suspect is a Narcissist) that ended up discarding me a month ago because of said depression and my behavior changes, stating that he could "not save me". The week before we had been talking about renting a house. He said I was antisocial and did not enjoy being around people, always miserable, and negative. I was avoiding his kids and never interacting with them. I was using my 15 year old cat (he is allergic) as a reason not to move in with him full time (even though I was there every day) and commit to him. I was a child because my mother paid for my phone bill instead of me joining a family plan with him. I was a baby for going home after the break up to avoid being alone and depressed.

Obviously I was blind-sided. He started to accuse me of sleeping with other people in his bed with new sheets I had bought when I moved home (like what?) and doing crazy things like making a joint email account with both of our names when it had been made when we made a joint amazon account. When I went out with a female friend to try and keep busy during the time he ignored me, he accused me of going on dates and "hurting him" when he had dumped me. When he had joined dating profiles already. And when he agreed to work on things with me after me acting like a fool, I lashed out in a fit of outrage and he accused me of intending to hurt him... the whole night his friend kept saying that I was going to "murder him" because I was psycho, when I have done nothing violent toward him in the past. I may have been upset about how things played out and would not let the relationship go, which is my fault. And touching him to try and get him to listen to me and talk rather than running away (he calls it "grabbing by the collar" but it was more placing a hand on the shoulder to try and get him to stop, and when he didn't I let him go). But me lashing out gave him more justification for leaving the relationship before. I believe that he intended to give it another chance only because he was hearing that he was an "asshole" from others for what he did. He now has the out he was looking for.

Now I am left wondering if I am the problem... if I am the narcissist. If I'm the abuser. If this all really is my fault because of character flaws, and I'm not sure how to cope. People who are on my side say that I am reacting to abuse but I am feeling like I ruined everything. It's been suggested I'm struggling with PTSD due to narcissistic abuse I did not recognize before but I cannot justify that since the total ~end~ of the relationship was my fault, and things had been going okay for a week or two before cutting ties completely.

Does anyone have insight or advice on how to cope?

[Bunnyme]

Everything you are describing about his behavior sounds familiar, unfortunately.  The crazy accusations (which are often them projecting their own behavior onto you), the put downs...I'm sorry that you are dealing with this on top of the other things you are dealing with. 
It doesnt sound to me like you were the problem.   Did you have a poor reaction to a bad situation?  Perhaps.  But you take responsibility for that, which is not something a narcissist would do.  Sometimes, PDs will do exactly as you described...push your buttons until you lose your cool and then play the victim.  I'd get as much distance from him as I could and not look back.  You will likely find in time that you'll look back at your breakup as the best thing that could've happened. 
If you arent working with a therapist, I urge you to do so.  The trauma from dealing with this relationship and all of the other things in your life are a lot to handle.  Mine has absolutely changed my life.

[1footouttadefog]

It is common for oersonality disordered people to escalate things until they get a reaction from someone then call them unstable when they react. 

It is also common for pd folks to use gaslighting tactics and deny your feelings are real. They like to verbally dictate to you what you arw fewling as if writing a screen olay script.

[Medowynd]

My exh used those techniques on a daily basis.  I was so glad to discover after I left, that he was the one with the PD and not me.